(Closed) Men are from mars? Are you kidding me?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Are men "from mars" and women "from venus"?
    Men and women think in fundamentally different ways because of their gender : (42 votes)
    28 %
    A man and a woman think certain ways because of their personalities, not their genders. : (23 votes)
    15 %
    Gender plays some role in the way people behave, but it isn't the most important factor. : (79 votes)
    52 %
    What are you going on about? : (7 votes)
    5 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5428 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Yes, it’s pure generalization… I’ve seen grooms who care more about the wedding than the bride!

    Post # 4
    Member
    2523 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    While I definitely do think personalities shape our thoughts, decisions, and outlook on the world, I don’t underestimate the effect that our sex has on the shaping of these personalities.

    Our cultures, DNA, and general family life greatly influence how we respond to stimuli. Throughout history, it has been known that women are the “fairer” sex: more beautiful, emotional, kind, etc, and and that men are more brusque.

    Does this mean, like you said, that we are exact molds? Of course not. But men and women have roles that we play in our society. Sometimes we fall into these roles naturally, like being mothers, and sometimes we do not, like being casted as underpaid, dumb secretaries. Men, on the other hand, fall naturally into the roles of being protectors, while they just do not naturally fall naturally into being sensitivity trainers.

    Of course there anomalies, like a woman that is burly in her nature, or a man that is overtly sensitive, but that is not the norm for the sex. A man is typically strong in the “outside” world, and sensitive for his lady behind closed doors. In some cases, not at all.

    Physically, men and women are different, and I don’t men penises and vaginas. In their brain, the emotional and verbal centers are more developed in women than in men, and in men, the reasoning and math centers are more developed. Why? Scientists believe it’s because women are more social creatures.

    Men and women have our own strengths and weaknesses. Sometimes it can get frustrating, but in some areas, it really just comes down to difference in perception.

    Post # 5
    Member
    45 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I’m not sure if you are referring to the actual “Mars/Venus” books or not…I don’t think the theory stereotypically categorizes women as “emotional” and men as “testosterone driven” at all.

    Mars/Venus differences would have absolutely no bearing on whether a man cares about wedding planning and color schemes, but the theory would affect how a color scheme discussion is approached, regardless of who thinks it’s important. And the theory certainly doesn’t excuse or condone rude and bad behavior from either sex.

    There are always exceptions, but I think men and women do think and approach problems/fights/discussions differently.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2425 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Ehh, I get what you are saying, but I do think there are some ways that are fundamentally different between men and women. There are exceptions to every rule of course, but there are plenty of examples I could come up with that are things most men just wouldn’t GET, and I do think there are some things that are physiologically/psychologically wired differently between the genders. Sure, not all women are as emotional and anayltical as others, and some men may be more so than others, but who’s to say that isn’t due to a fluctuation with the hormone levels their bodies produce? As in some women have higher natural testosterone than men, or men have higher naturally estrogen levels than women (yes we all have those hormones, regardless of gender) There is plenty of research going on for those type of questions actually.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3569 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I picked number two I don’t buy into this gender normalative bullshit. I do think there are things that have been ingrained in us and create this cultural norms that most people adhere too. I am not emotional or sentimental and I bet other females like myself, and we all get told at one point or another that we aren’t “normal” whatever the heck that means!

    Post # 8
    Member
    4464 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I voted gender plays a role in the way people behave a little bit, but it isn’t the largest factor. I agree that people’s personalities play a huge role in how they view things like color scheme, which was the OP’s example. I was watching Four Weddings and one of the brides’s fiance was super into planning the wedding, and helped her do everything. Even my husband had aspects that were super important to him that I didn’t anticipate him having such a strong opinion on.

    I read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus a few years ago, and I thought that the author was knowledgeable and I agreed with much of what he said. However, there were many times while I was reading that I kept thinking, well my SO doesn’t behave like that, but I guess it’s a good thing to keep in mind anyway. So, yes, I do believe there are fundamental differences between men and women based on gender, but I also think that people are unique individuals and gender is not a deciding factor in why someone acts a certain way or thinks a certain way.

    Post # 9
    Member
    11325 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    I didn’t vote because my answer is “ehhhhhhhhh kinda?”

    I do think that GENERALLY men and women think differently. I think part of it is physical, as different hormones definitely play a role in how you act. For example, ever switched birth controls and got a case of the crazies that at the time you’d swear was TOTALLY rational? Yea. I think it is uncomfortable to accept that our hormones play a role in our thinking/personalities, but I do believe that is the case. I also think that men and women are, in large part, socialized differently. We grow up with different peer experiences a lot of times, different societal norms, different expectations. Of course there are exceptions, and I think maybe this will get less in this era of enlightenment where boys can play with barbies and girls can build lego tanks. But in our generation and older it was still very common to have the whole “boys don’t cry, man up” attitude and it think it would be naive to think that doesn’t have an effect on our personalities as adults. 

    Post # 10
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    There is scientifically supported research that men and women approach things and problem solve differently- even using different parts of our brains – its not just an anecdotal thing thats “thrown out there”.

    Are there exceptions? Of course! There are exceptions to every rule.  And when it comes to something like wedding planning, that depends on personal preferences and the dynamic of the couple. Mine was involved because he’s a musician and we involved a lot of his music, and because we both agreed on a low-key wedding. If I’d wanted an upscale fancy affair, he’d have been okay with it, but he would have been a lot less involved because, frankly, he doesn’t know about that stuff at all.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @Asia:  

    I’m with you. I’ve had relationships fail in the past because the dude I was dating couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that I say what I mean and what I want. Because, you know, that’s not what women do. And I think attributing men’s thoughts, feelings, opinions and actions to gender stereotypes is just as dismissive of them as individuals as when they do it to us.

    Though I want to make the point that sex and gender are two different things. If we’re talking about base biological differences (like the idea women aren’t good at math because their brains are different) then that’s sex. Gender is more complicated, because there’s a biological component, but it’s far more social construct. We talk about gender roles, not sex roles, for instance.

    Post # 12
    Member
    915 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @Asia:  When people say that it makes me livid. It’s nearly always used to excuse some behavior, but the entire thing is nonsense. 

    While some men may use it to label women as more emotional, I actually think when some women use it to excuse men it’s considerably worse. It’s just a way of not holding people accountable for their actions and it’s infuriating. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    1686 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    @mandypop:  

    I am curious, do men and women use their brains differently because that’s how they come out of the box, or because of social conditioning, how they interact with their environment? Are women more verbal (stereotype) because that’s how their brains come, and so that’s how they act, or are women more verbal because they’re raised by women who have been socialized to be more verbal, and their brains develop accordingly? 

    (I’m not making an argument here, I’m asking because I genuinely don’t know if there’s work done in this area.) 

    Post # 14
    Member
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I think it’s how they’re raised. Men aren’t raised to think about families (even my Darling Husband doesn’t know ANYONE’s birthday) or decorating stuff.

    But men are just as sensitive as women, etc.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2589 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @Elvis:  The problem solving differences and language differences seem pretty hard wired  – for example, boys are almost 4x more likely than girls to have expressive language disorders requiring early intervention services – which happens before the age of 3 – and that seems to cut across all cultural, socioeconomic, and parenting style backgrounds.    But I can’t say about anything else – could just as easily be a nature/nurture thing… 

    Though I did read a study last week that showed men percieve color differently than women (and thats definitely hard wired/brain function and not environment) – their hypothesis was that as the original “gatherers”, women adapted to more fine tuned color perception for selecting the ideal grass/berries/etc.

    Post # 16
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @Elvis:  I think your example of women being more verbal than men, that isn’t social conditioning. If it were, then men who are surrounded by women all the time would be more verbal, which more often than not, isn’t the case.

    The topic ‘Men are from mars? Are you kidding me?’ is closed to new replies.

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