Men never seem interested in me

posted 2 years ago in 20 Something
Post # 2
Member
1704 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

It’ll be okay,  it take a lot of nerve to ask someone out(i know since it took months for me to get up to nerve to ask my fiance out.) Plus I feel that so many people turn to online for dating,  that online is a great way to go.  I had a lot of first and second dates and long conversations from online dating,  but I met Fi in real life while attending a church singles activity.   You never know what the future holds.  If you are actively seeking a relationship, then don’t be afraid to get out there and talk to someone you like. You can do it!

Post # 3
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Join a group where you can meet someone organically. You mention you’re 5’2” 120 lbs, which is normal/slender. Do you take care in your appearance? Weight isn’t everything. Humans as a whole are shallow creatures. Do you take care of your teeth, dress nicely, etc? 

And then even outside of appearance, are you actively seeking someone? You say men aren’t interested in you, are you showing interest?

I’m 27. DH was my first date, first relationship, first boyfriend and we met when I was 26. I had my first kiss (with someone else) at 25. I’m now happily married. It is possible. Don’t give up. 

Post # 4
Member
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

I don’t think the way you feel is abnormal.  More people are unexperienced at 22 than you would think.  One thing I think helps is to put yourself in the other person’s shoes.  Unless someone has a really strong ego, most people don’t like rejection and may not ask other people out unless they think the outcome will be favorable.  Accordingly, I do think a lot of people go the online dating route because the any rejection doesn’t feel the same and, at a minimum, you know these people are single.  I never got hit on much in public (or if I did, it was by people I wouldn’t consider dating).  I had much more luck either in online dating or environments where you could get to know people a bit more like singles sports leagues or among friend groups.

Post # 5
Member
955 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Try online dating! Even if you don’t meet up in real life, it’ll start giving you practice and confidence on interactions with men.

FWIW, most girls including myself had way more success meeting people online than in person. Not all are creeps, many good men are looking for a great girl but don’t know where to find them or how to approach.

Post # 6
Member
10355 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would try online dating. All my single friends are on some sort of dating app or website. And most of my friends who have gotten married recently met their spouse online. It’s quickly becoming the norm for how people meet.

Post # 7
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee

I would also try online dating or joining a group like PP suggested. Someone I know met her SO at a breed specific dog meet up group. 

Post # 8
Member
1386 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

I have a cousin who is about to get married. She is 36 and before she met her fiance she had never dated anyone and I don’t think she had ever been kissed. I also am friends with a girl who was 23 and had went on 1 date ever and then she met a guy & they’ve been married since. It only takes 1 person and you are only 22! Go places where you could meet a guy OR friends! The gym, a church (if you are so inclinced), bars, pick up a hobby you like, etc. Sometimes it’s just putting yourself out there & in the midst of other single people. And online dating definitely is great as well.

Post # 9
Member
5018 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I’d recommend taking the initiative to reach out and meet new people.  Its okay to say the first hello, introduce yourself, start conversation, even flirt if it seems appropriate.

The way I met my husband is that he was a new tenant in our small apartment building.  I flew by him on the stars as I was heading out and realized it was rude of me and I should be welcoming so I turned around, ran back up a couple flights to introduce myself.  I even said, hey I noticed you seem very social and I don’t have many close friends in the area. If you don’t mind me tagging along sometime that would be great. It was a risk but it was worth it!

Don’t sit around waiting for someone to approach you and don’t be afraid to initiate.

Post # 10
Member
1614 posts
Bumble bee

Men generally don’t approach or hit on women in public places that aren’t bars or clubs.  With the growth of online dating they would rather just swipe right on a girl who they know is single and interested than bother wasting their time on a random woman at the grocery store who might be taken and see it as harassment. 

And in clubs, you probably just aren’t flirting. 

Post # 11
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

your confidence level reads as low, even online. i’m sure in person it is the same.

you have room for a little narcissism, fall in love with yourself a little more. reinvent your look starting with hair or makeup, a few accessories or outfits that make you feel attractive and confident to yourself.

enjoy life and keep getting out there and crossing paths with people. men DO approach women all the time, in any place. grocery store, gas station- when they see a woman they just HAVE to meet before she leaves and their chance is gone. be that woman!

your energy and vibe have just as much to do with it as your outside appearance. up level on both and you will have your pick <3

Post # 12
Member
4846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I have this issue as well. My normal face reads as “mean” and unapproachable. You have to make the effort to break the ice and take the lead. 

Post # 13
Member
10386 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I’m hot shit but when I was younger I still had this problem. A male friend told me part of the problem was that I come off as very intimidating to men. Granted, physically when I was younger I WAS probably intimidating to most normal folks (think pink hair, lots of leather, very goth) so I doesn’t really surprise me that I didn’t get approached more. I also tend to give off a very dominant/out going vibe in situations so people don’t find me to be approachable. I 100% notice a difference in how people react to me whether I’m in my “me time” look or if I’m coming from the office in a suit. I’ve also found being pregnant strangers treat me very differently than before I was pregnant. I think it makes me seem more approachable.

I assume you likely aren’t a pink haired biker goth, but maybe something in your demeanor is making you seem unapproachable? 

Post # 14
Member
4697 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
euipo :  I never got hit on out in public as a young woman. I was younger, slimmer and looked better back then. I honesty put it on not being comfortable in my own skin and putting a unconscious vibe out into the universe. I’m older, fatter and have a few more lines and sags but I get approached every few months these days. The only thing different is that I’m comfortable with my self and carry myself with confidence. I don’t try to make myself small and blend into the background anymore.

I wouldn’t worry about not being approached and focus on other avenues if you really want to meet someone. Online dating, hobbies and social groups are great avenues to explore.

 

Post # 15
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I don’t think I’ve ever been hit on in public, other than catcalls. I’ve only been hit on at bars or parties or in group settings but in those situations I think there is more of an expectation that both parties are there to meet someone. I would recommned online dating as well. Then guys know you’re obviously there because you want to meet someone. And once you go on a few dates you’ll gain confidence and that might help you talk to guys in real life.

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