Post # 1
For anyone who has tried online dating, how do you deal with the men who get upset if you’re not interested? I’ve tried two methods if I get a message from someone I’m not really interested in:
1) Sending them a polite message indicating as such and wishing them well – this often illicited angry responses OR trying to convince me why I should be interested.
2) No response – I figured it’s obvious I’m not interested if I don’t respond and option 1 didn’t go well.
Option 2 also often illicits angry responses. Or I’ve gotten bombarded with follow up messages like “no response? stuck up much!” and “the least you could do is respond!” Those are the nicer messages. Some are angrier. One guy sent me 6 messages in the span of 20 minutes ranging from upset to begging for a chance.
I know the obvious solution is to have a thicker skin and ignore these types of messages but they really rub me the wrong way. Is this just how it is online?
Post # 2
First off, I would definitely use option #2 exclusively assuming you’re talking about randos online whom you’ve never met or spoken to before and who are just annoyed that you’re not responding to their initial message. And then I would block anyone who lashes out.
Second, what dating site are you using? I was on okCupid for a few months a couple years ago and I don’t really remember experiencing this too much. I got lots of idiotic messages and would just ignore most of them, but I dont really remember many guys lashing out in rage over being ignored.
Post # 3
jilljill86 : I did online dating for 2 years. I would normally drop them a polite message and say thanks but no thanks. Most were ok. One man was very rude and angry so I blocked him. There was one guy I just straight up didn’t respond to, but that was because he spent the whole date watching the football over my shoulder so I figured I had wasted enough time on him and figured I wouldn’t bother with being polite. I would say a nice friendly message is better than ghosting if you can. If people get rude, just stop communicating with them and block them.
Post # 4
I was on Tinder and POF and I just didn’t respond to messages that didn’t spark my interest. I can’t remember anyone ever retaliating like that! I would immediately block anyone who spoke to me that way.
Post # 6
Yeah, don’t respond and block if they keep messaging you. There are a lot of entitled jerks out there.
Post # 7
tiffanybruiser : Thanks! It’s match.com. And it’s men who I’ve never had any contact with, who are initially contacting me and for whatever reason I’m not interested in striking up a convo. It’s not as though its’ happening 24/7 but enough to make me go “huh??” I guess the plus side is it reassures me I was right to not be interested…
Post # 8
Welcome to online dating where (some) men are entitled babies. The good thing is, the entitlement usually comes out early so you know who to avoid.
Post # 9
I also tried both and had similar results! I hated online dating…. so many losers to weed through, so much negativity for what seemed like no result. To manage the frustration of it, I would take “holidays” from those sites, a few months where I either hid my profile or just didn’t log in.
Eventually I decided to reply kindly to those where it was obvious they’d read my profile, I felt they deserved the same respect. It wasn’t perfect, sometimes they’d criticize me for judging them quickly but at least I felt like I was a decent human being. I never replied to their snarky comments.
When it’s clear a guy is just messaging everyone with the same thing, I wouldn’t reply. Or if they simply say “Hi” or my favourite, “yo girl, holla at me”…. same deal, no reply.
It was all worth it though, that’s how I met DH! 🙂
Post # 10
jilljill86 : Ah sorry to clarify – if they messaged me and were creepy / really not worth my time -straight block. If I was interested enough to go on a date with them then I would say thanks but no thanks if they wanted a second date and I didnt.
Post # 11
I would ignore, and block anyone who gets nasty.
I found my SO on okcupid and didn’t experience hardly any aggressiveness.
My one recommendation for success would be to initiate conversations yourself. A much higher percentage of relationships from online dating are started by women messaging first. If you are not the type to ask men out, don’t worry. Initiatiate the convo to show your interest and leave the rest up to him. I started the convo, but he asked me on dates 1, 2 and 3 (I did assist with the planning).
You are receiving messages primarily from guys who are Casting a wide net and who are not interested in you for you.
Post # 12
ClaudiaKishi : Exactly. Always good when they would act like an asshole straight off the bat, it’s like “thanks for saving me wasting my time to find that out!” ha ha.
Post # 13
jilljill86 : I’ve tried both of your methods and have gotten nasty responses from both. I attribute it to the men, not to myself. Dont take it personal..like a PP said there is this disgusting sense of entitlement some men have (women too). I did have one guy that proceeded to cuss me out after trying to convince me why he’s so great and how im missing out. I just blocked him and anyone else that was overly negative. I always try to give a polite decline if a guy sends more than one message, but if its only one message disclosing his interest, typically I dont respond at all.
Post # 14
If it’s just initial contact, then no response. I got a ton of messages when I was on POF and I had to sift through, some I didn’t even open if their picture didn’t do it for me (bathroom selfie of them lifting up their shirt? No thanks). I never responded to people I wasn’t interested in dating. I didn’t really have an issue with people getting angry, but if they were inappropriate, I would block them. I even ghosted guys who I’d had some back and forth with. I would only give a polite “no, thanks” to guys I’d actually had ongoing chat with for a while or had gone out with and ignore after that.
Post # 15
FWIW, I had the same experience, mostly on OKCupid. I got a good number of angry messages when I didn’t respond to an initial message, but also when I tried to reply politey and say I wasn’t interested. (I usually only did that when it seemed like someone had put a lot of thought/energy into their initial message, but I just didn’t think we’d click for whatever reason.) I don’t think there’s a way to win.