Men online who can't handle rejection?

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
3062 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I always tried to respond to most even just to say “Thank you for your interest but I don’t think we will be quite compatible. I wish you well!”. A decent amount would respond with thanks for just giving a reply, wish me well back, and saying no problem. Some would ask for further clarification politely and I would take the time to explain why in a nonjudgemental way (“Sorry, I see you are very interested in recreational drug use/have strong religious stances/live far away which would conflict with my own lifestyle/interests.”). The ones that tried to “fight” it or that got rude, I instantly blocked. 

Creepy messages right off the bat were instant blocked.

Sending messages can suck from a guy’s perspective because generally they have to send out tons to never get replies. Whereas, for women, it can suck because you have to wade through a million messages just to find someone on common ground. So, while you don’t have to respond at all, I generally tried to just out of courtesy and also because, for the site I used, it notes on your profile if you have a low rate of replying.

Post # 17
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

jilljill86 :  I was on POF and I encountered lots of messages I wasn’t interested in, I just ignored them. I received one or two rant messages with the typical “girls don’t like nice guys” balogna. I also received a message from my best friend at the time, who was a guy. It was probably like 3000 words long. I didn’t know what to do so I just ignored it. 

Post # 18
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

violet21293 :  +1 

I also messaged my SO first, I just made a comment about one of his pictures or something. 

Post # 19
Member
990 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Yeah this happens a lot. Lots of guys on those sites are single for a reason lol. Sadly. (not trying to insult anyone, I met my Darling Husband on OKCupid… it just took a LOT of weeding out to find him lol)

If I hadn’t ever contacted back, I would just not answer. If they got aggressive after that, block them. If I had messaged back and forth a few times and realized he wasn’t for me, I’d send a polite brief message saying I wasn’t interested. Again, if they get aggressive, block.

Post # 21
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Way back in the day when I was doing the online thing- there were a few creeps to weed out. Some very agressive and others were laid back.

I remember one guy- had a very nice smile and looked like it was taken at a bowling alley (I love bowling lol!) but for all I know it could have been fake. He sent a ‘hello are you? I see you like…’ And I responded- answered his questions and asked some of my own. Then….

I get 10 friggin’ messages back to back. It was a porn story!!! A very well written one… which I admit I read… He changed out the names to replace mine with the ladies and his with the dudes… I don’t know if it was an original story or not- but the different messages- were in different fonts and sizes- so maybe he copied and pasted??

I read it- I was bored- 3 hours until the next class- and didn’t respond. He dropped in once in awhile with a ‘?’.

I was talking to a friend a days after this happend- and she got the same thing! LOL! We weren’t the only ones he was trying to woo.

Post # 22
Member
1273 posts
Bumble bee

Before I met my Fiance on okcupid, I would just ignore messages from people that I had no interest in. Never got any rude or desperate responses, but one guy was persistent. Fortunately, I met my Fiance and replied politely that I had just met someone and ‘sorry, not interested right now’. He didn’t bother me after that. I think ignoring is just safer.

Post # 23
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee

Ghost or block. Noone has time to turn down people constantky online. Unless I went out on a date/couple of dates with a man, I dont feel he deserves an explanation. Also, as a woman, I was getting 30 plus emails a day when I was online. To address everyone would be utterly exhausting.

Post # 24
Member
9159 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i would politely say thank you but no thank you.  i only got a mean message back a handful of times.  i just ignored it.  someone who is that childish isn’t worth my time anyway.

Post # 25
Member
284 posts
Helper bee

When I tried OKCupid I got in the habit of sending a nice message saying I wasn’t interested and then blocking immediately. 

I really like the idea of dating apps like Bumble or Coffee Meets Bagel right now, where you both have to say you’re interested before anyone can contact you. Bumble has the added advantage that the woman has to be the one to initiate contact. 

Post # 26
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2018

I met my Fiance through ok Cupid a little over 4 years ago, and prior to meeting him there were plenty of frogs! I was on ok Cupid and plenty of fish (tinder wasn’t around quite yet). 

 

I surrounded myself with a good support group of friends, so when I’d get rude messages from scumbags I’d have someone to vent to. It can be very frustrating, but everyone isn’t always awful! 

Post # 27
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

I did eHarmony and I can’t remember any guy being outright rude!  I will say that this was a long time ago.

Maybe it’s how eHarmony worked?  I gave everyone a chance that initiated with me!  EHarmony has this weird system of back and forth before you can actually talk to each other, so I did the back and forth thing and if their answers were bad I blocked them.  This is probably the key here… a lot of guys you can tell they wanted a booty call or super religious or you can pick up something is off with their answers to the early stage questions.

I believe I was in the middle of the last form of communication (aka getting to email freely back and forth which is like the <sup>4th</sup> level of all the steps you have to get through) with about 10 guys when Darling Husband set up a date with me. 

When we decided to go on the second date (right after the first date), I kindly let the guys I was chit chatting with what was up and stopped talking to them and when I officially started dating Darling Husband, I went back and told them that I was dating someone.  ALL of them were super nice and wished me luck!

You might want to try eHarmony but it is kind of pricey.  Though I will say I have recommend eHarmony to a lot of people and Darling Husband and I are the only “success” story I know from it.  Not sure why.  One of my guy friends just did and didn’t meet a single person in person, he felt all the girls were too picky.

Good Luck!

Post # 28
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

I did eHarmony and I can’t remember any guy being outright rude!  I will say that this was a long time ago.

Maybe it’s how eHarmony worked?  I gave everyone a chance that initiated with me!  EHarmony has this weird system of back and forth before you can actually talk to each other, so I did the back and forth thing and if their answers were bad I blocked them.  This is probably the key here… a lot of guys you can tell they wanted a booty call or super religious or you can pick up something is off with their answers to the early stage questions.

I believe I was in the middle of the last form of communication (aka getting to email freely back and forth which is like the 4th level of all the steps you have to get through) with about 10 guys when Darling Husband set up a date with me. 

When we decided to go on the second date (right after the first date), I kindly let the guys I was chit chatting with what was up and stopped talking to them and when I officially started dating Darling Husband, I went back and told them that I was dating someone.  ALL of them were super nice and wished me luck!

Though I will say I have recommend eHarmony to a lot of people and Darling Husband and I are the only “success” story I know from it.  Not sure why.  One of my guy friends just did and didn’t meet a single person in person, he felt all the girls were too picky.

Post # 29
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

Check out Bye Felipe on Instagram – you’ll quickly learn that you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t, meaning you can respond politely and wish them the best of luck in their search or you can ignore them and you will still get the same response. Sometimes I don’t know why I follow that account, because seeing how entitled and rude some of these men are makes my blood boil!

I experienced much of the same when I was online dating. If a man took the time to write out a thoughtful message but I wasn’t feeling it, I’d usually thank them for their note and wish them well. A small percentage thanked me for my honesty and wished me luck too, but the majority would flip out, feeling like I owed them something. With some others (those who were crude from the get go for instance), I didn’t bother responding at all, and a lot of the time they would send follow up messages, berating me for not responding. 

So basically:
Rude Dude: “I took the time to message you, the least you could do is respond saying you weren’t interested!”
*Sends polite message saying I’m not interested*
Rude Dude: “If you weren’t interested, why would you even bother to respond at all!? Dumb bitch.”

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