(Closed) Men who cry…?

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

If he’s overweight its probably partially due to low testosterone and he can take a pill for that.

Post # 4
Member
11325 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think “repulsive” is a strong word, but I will say it would not be attractive, and I probably wouldn’t date someone that emotional (because um, I’M not that emotional lol). It probably isn’t your place to do anything though. He’ll have consequences to his behavior and hopefully will learn to moderate himself a bit more… but its really on him to do so.

Post # 6
Member
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

it’s a turnoff. i agree with @CorgiTales: it’s not your place to “fix” him. you can give some tough love or not listen to all of his complaints, but it’s up to him to realize that the way he’s acting has consequences.

Post # 7
Member
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Sasha2011: If he’s a student, most if not all universities offer free counseling to students. I think he definitely needs to work though his self esteem issues. It seems that he’s lost the weight but not the baggage that goes with it. I’d suggest this to him, and remind him that there are many different therapists and that even if the first one doesn’t match up well (like his friends’ experiences), there are always others who will be more compatible with him.

I’d suggest this when you two are alone or having some down time, not during an emotional episode of his. Perhaps the next time you’re around him and he gets upset, try talking with him, and seeing what can calm him down and why he actually feels/reacts (after he thinks about it) this way. But just be supportive through the whole thing, he really seems to have some internal issues left over, and at 23, he should really try to resolve them. 

ETA: No, I couldn’t date someone like this. Honesty and openness is important to me, and while I wouldn’t be brutal by any means, I want to be able to say ‘Hon, you should go find a different tie’ without having to miss an entire event since he’s in his room crying. 

Post # 8
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I felt my ex-fiance cried way too much, there is a reason he is an ex.

Post # 9
Member
1668 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think it’s obvious that there is an emotional imbalance and some insecurities here.  I think the best you can do is suggest therapy.  Just because he has lost weight doesn’t mean he doesn’t suffer from the insecurities he experienced while being overweight.  A good friend of mine said it best, losing the weight didn’t change the fat girl talking in her head. 

Post # 10
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I like a man who can show his emotions, but not to that extent. Sounds like it’s something more than just being emotional though. He should talk to someone.

Post # 11
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t see this as a gender issue.  It is unattractive in any person – I really can’t stand women who cry over nothing either.  How will they get along in the real world, where people sometimes criticize you? 

People who cry over nothing are usually seeking attention, IMO.  Maybe that’s harsh, but it really does seem that way.  There are those who have problems with hormones/history of abuse etc, but even that I only have sympathy up to a point, as they need to deal with their problems.

Post # 12
Member
3978 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

To that extent it sounds like a hormonal imbalance or some major coping issues. I agree with the PP who said that schools have free counseling or at the very least, someone to talk to about the basic issue. He’s not going to get worse just from talking to someone, unless they know some crazy Jedi mind tricks or something.

Even a girl who acted like that I would be worried about. I really don’t think there should be that much of a difference between the way men and women express their emotions. Of course there are natural tendencies, but a man who is unable to cry is almost as bad as one who seems overly emotional (though not to the extent you’re saying).

And it’s the same with a woman. A woman who cries every day or at every dramatic or traumatic event in their lives needs to toughen up. It’s a waste of emotion, time, and makeup to be constantly crying over little things.

Post # 13
Member
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Not attactive! While I want to see my hubby tear up at our ceremony, I would feel uncomfortable having to deal with my husband getting emotional often.

Post # 14
Member
2829 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@Sasha2011:

sounds like symptoms of depression yo. Depression is mega sinuous and can be hidden really well yet go really deep, that and it can affect anyone, no matter their life circumstances. 

That or I would wager it is a coping mechanism–tough love isn’t going to ‘fix’ the problem, it may in fact only make it worse.

try not to be so harsh if you don’t know 100% of the facts (and I say harsh just for the ‘backbone’ comments–not to be snarky or anything) for all you know he may hate the behaviour more than you do.

The only thing that is going to help your friend is professional guidance not arm chair psychology. If he is a student there should be some form of counselling available to him either for free or on a sliding scale. I know it can be frustrating, but I would suggest sticking with at “I really can’t deal with this” attitude rather than a berating attitude.

 

@JenniBride:

I agree it’s not a gender issue, anyone who copes or behaves in this way (male or female) is going to have a certain amount of difficulty managing themselves & their relationships in the professional or adult world.

Post # 15
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

@missmouse29: I agree. He sounds depressed. 

@Sasha2011: 

“He has had a reasonably decent life. He has basically gone through all the same issues that most people go through.”

This has nothing to do with it. If you’re depressed, you’re depressed. I have struggled with depression most of my life and from anyone else’s point of view, I’ve had a great life. It doesn’t always take a huge life changing event to kick off depression. It can just be there. 

“He says he is not very emotional but his actions speak otherwise. His mom is obviously worried.”

I never thought I was emotional either because depression left me feeling numb. However, everyone around me could clearly see I was. 

“The thing is, this guy, even if you say something to him like “You are not good at [insert any activity here]”, then he will actually run to his room and start CRYING!!!! It supposedly reminds him of how he sucks at everything else too and has sucked pretty much his whole life.”

Yep, if I got negative feedback, I immediately thought about how I was no good at anything. It would spiral and completely consume me. 

“He doesn’t seem like the suicidal type. He says he rather do it than have a life of low paying job after getting a degree. But people who talk like that don’t really go through with it. It is to sound dramatic only.”

Talking about killing yourself is only dramatic when said by someone in regards to something completely ridiculous, i.e. “If they don’t have my size in these shoes, I’m going to kill myself!”. For a person that is clearly not happy, talking about killing themselves should never be considered just “dramatic”.

I’m not saying they way he is is OK, it’s a horrible way to live. Fortunately I have had an incredible support system that instead of “toughening me up”, has encouraged me to get help.

Post # 16
Member
1664 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would say that it would be a little unnatractive… I have only seen Fiance cry probably a handful of times in the 8 years that we’ve been together, and those were over BIG issues… deaths, family issues, etc. I am a very emotional person, so he’s seen me cry a lot more haha! I think it’s okay for guys to cry…but I guess I would probably be turned off if it was on a regular basis..and I don’t really have a good reason as to why.

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