Post # 16
Yup, I know exactly what you mean about feeling pressured! It’s especially tough when friends and family want to talk nonstop about baby stuff (I try to change the subject as quick as I can)!
My DH was pretty bummed when I told him that I was ambivalent about the pregnancy, but he got over it in a few days. Now that he knows how I feel, he’s become even more supportive and emotionally protective of me – for example, he’s told his parents (my in-laws) to back off on the baby talk and he’s done some research on prenatal depression so that he can keep an eye out for worsening symptoms.
If you don’t want to tell your partner, then perhaps a close friend or a sibling? It really helps to have a “safe space” and someone who you can vent your feelings to without feeling like you’re being judged. As I mentioned before, you can always message me as well 😀
Post # 17
Thank you so much again, you’re so kind, I might take you up on the offer at some point. Unfortunately I don’t have any siblings and I don’t really have any close friends, I’m a bit of a loner! I’ve always had lots of animals so they’re what I feel comfortable around. I have only told a friend at work (plus my management team) and she’s great but a lot older than me I don’t want to tell anyone else there as I don’t want to be bombarded with questions. I’m going to make myself go to the docs on Monday and try and nip this in the bud before it gets any worse.
Post # 18
v123a : This is going to be long but hopefully it will help.
I was told very young I would not get pregnant easily because of endometriosis. I imagined a life without children most of my adult life but when I met my husband I saw the father he could be so I could envision having kids of my own. We decided to try and see. We stoped using contraception very early because we thought it would take a long time for us to conceive. I got pregnant 2 weeks after and I was in shock. I started questionning everything, I was clearly not ready to be a mom then.
At 6 week I had very bad cramping and the radiologist at the ER told me I had a blighted ovum – not a viable pregnancy. I was scheduled for a control scan before a D&C a week later. While I was devastated at first I then thought it was a good thing, that I was not ready. I came to term with what was hapening during that waiting week. Then, at 7 weeks I went to the control scan and there was a heartbeat. The pregnancy was perfectly normal. I had such mixed feelings then, first total shock and then denial. I was scared and anxious all the rest of the pregnancy. I read everything, bought all the best gear there is but I wasn’t happy at all. I hated every minute of the pregnancy, my stomach turned everytime he moved and kicked. I had a very hard time seing my body change and was completely terrified of giving birth.
When I gave birth I was relieved to be too exhausted to care for him. My husband held him more than me. I couldn’t connect with him at all. I cried everyday and had terrible invasive thoughts. It took 4 months before I could say I loved him, it took 4 months before I seeked help.
When I did, I had to be put on medication and met with a therapist weekly. My doctor told me I had severe PPD and most importantly I had prenatal depression. The traumatism of the first weeks of my pregnancy combined with the fact that I was not prepared to be pregnant so easily made perfect soil for my anxiety and depression to creep in. If I had been aware then of my mental health issues I could have been treated right away and spare myself (and my husband) this miserable feelings during my pregnancy and those awful first months of motherhood.
My son is now 15 months. Treatment and therapy got rid of my PPD in a short couple of months and I am now considering expanding the family. I know this second time around though that my doctor will be looking at me closely and that I will get back on medication the second I start to have invasive thoughts. I was not myself, I am not PPD.
Mental health is so, so important yet so stigmatised these days. I cannot stress enough how important it is for you to talk to your doctor and seek treatment. It will get better. You’ll learn to embrace motherhood your own way but it’s okay to need help. Feel free to PM me if you want <3
Post # 19
What an absolute rollercoaster for you!! You poor thing. I’m glad you got help, being monitored closely will help with your next pregnancy.
Mental health is not taken lightly post partum thankfully. I started to panic hours after my daughter was born (30 hours of labor and a 1am csection followed by like, 2 hours of sleep). I asked the nurses for something to help calm me down and after that, the staff was all over my anxiety in a good way. I felt completely supported.