(Closed) Mental illness and coming out on the 'other side'

posted 4 years ago in Wellness
Post # 2
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Thank you! I’m with you. I deal with anxiety and mild OCD, I don’t have the obsessive rituals, but instead have obsessive thoughts. I have battled with depression for 15 years, I was on meds from 14-22, but I have been med free for almost 8 years. I’ve also been in therapy on and off for the majority of my life. 

I question how I have such good friends because I don’t see myself as the great person they see. But I’ve worked on self-love and being my own best friend and cheerleader. I get by with help from my friends, family, fiancé and therapist. 

Lastly, I take ownership of my illnesses, I do not let them dictate who I am! I don’t “suffer” from depression, I battle it!

Post # 4
Member
2569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

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jcud4 :  I’ve never been on anything for insomnia except for a short round of ambien to reset my sleep schedule. I been having a hard time sleeping since we got engaged in July, been too anxious planning the wedding in my head! Plus I’m in grad school to be a teacher and I have so much work to be done (why am I on the Bee instead?). 

With the help of my Dr. I slowly tapered off the meds over about six months and eventually down to nothing. I cry all the time now, about silly things like cute commercials or when I’m really happy, but I also just cry very easily when I’m upset or frustrated. That’s probably the worst part. Luckily my Fiance knows this and doesn’t take it as a cop out or tactic on my part. He is very supportive and encouraging. 

Lately I’ve been thinking about starting back again due to the high stress in my life, but as of now I am just upping my therapy and trying to destress as much as possible. Again my Fiance helps in this a lot. 

Post # 5
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

My biggest struggle was getting through university and I did that and have been able to hold steady, good employment since I graduated. I’m on meds so now my struggles have a lot to do with that- side effects, struggling with the idea that I need meds to function, the stress when my prescription gets low and the inability to just be spontaneous… like I can’t just go out and stay over somewhere without planning because if I didn’t bring my meds then I just can’t. That stuff seems like little compared to what it could be so I’m lucky.  I get really tired and have physical pain a lot that really has no other explanation. 

i need good sleep to be normal so that is sometimes a struggle, having to really plan sleep

Post # 7
Member
919 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which has one hell of a stigma. I went to therapy for a while and I’ve tried to learn as much about my disorder and myself as possible to mitigate some of the symptoms. I still struggle with it on a near-daily basis, but it’s more manageable than it used to be.

My fiancé is amazingly supportive but also tough on me when it’s necessary. He and I are learning my triggers together and coming up with plans for how to avoid or handle my episodes. He has to deal with me delusionally thinking he hates me at least once a week, but he’s a trooper. 

Post # 8
Member
1586 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I have OCD, generalised anxiety and depression. I’ve been on medication for ten years and probably will be forever. I also go to a psychologist, although less regularly now. Eight years since my last suicide attempt and self harming, which I am honestly pretty proud of. On the whole I think my illness is ‘invisible’, in that most people aren’t aware I have anything wrong, but my Fiance unfortunately sees the worst of the OCD in that I have a lot of rituals that mean he can’t do things around the house.

Post # 9
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I have OCD, but I’m finally coming out the other side. I’ve fought it for years though. Finally, I’ve managed to sort of defeat it (I’m so not ready to use that word haha!) using books by Shannon Shy, Lucy Black (‘It needs to be impossible’ – pretty great for Pure-O sufferers!) and an app by Ali Greymond. It all hammers home the same message: You can’t give into the compulsions if you want to get better.. and I can finally say I nearly never give in anymore, and I feel much better for it. I still get one or two days a month where the anxiety really hits, but I’m no longer nauseous and crying every single day.

I have to say it’s gradually feeling like a totally new lease on life… I’m just so damn grateful for it all. Good luck to you bee, you’ll get there!!

Post # 10
Member
755 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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jcud4 :  hi bee.

i have bipolar 1 disorder and PTSD. Last 12 months seem like a nightmare: I got manic, got depressed, than manic again. Was treated for a burnout and depression before I went completely crazy and was correctly diagnosed. I hurt myself and tried to kill myself. I lost my job. I went on the meds and gained about 30lbs and hated how a look. I lost most of it by starving myself. I struggle with severe back pain caused by stress and still have insomnia despite medications. I am seeing three different doctors and take four meds to keep my shit together. I am contributing to the stigma of mental illness by not disclosing it to nearly anyone 

Post # 11
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’ve mentioned a few times while on the bee about how depressed and anxious I was up until a few years ago. I’d experienced depression since I was a teen, and anxiety got really bad in my mid twenties. The way I’ve been able to beat it is with a change in diet, a change in my thought patterns, and daily yoga. 

Before my lifestyle change, I was suffering from almost daily panic attacks, and I always thought I was sick and dying. Now, I’m confident, stronger, and healthier. I haven’t had a panic attack in almost 2 years. I still get super emotional around my period, but I’ve learned much better coping mechanisms. I’m honestly able to say I’m happy, and I didn’t think that would ever be possible. 

Post # 12
Member
3029 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m a suicide survivor. I haven’t seen medical professionals for a long time to have a diagnosis for anything. I wouldn’t be surprised if I was clinically diagnosed with depression and ptsd. I do have chronic insomnia which was at it’s worst when I tried to take my life. I had a toxic home/childhood. I have bad days and good days. My mental health has drastically improved since cutting my family from my life. However, it kind of opens you up to a whole other side of emotional issues. There’s all the conditioning you have to work through as well. I think people assume that when you are a suicide survivor and it’s been a long time since that you’re “cured” or “happy now”. But I assume the best way to describe it is like a recovering alcoholic,…it never fully goes away and it’s always lingering in some far corner. However, each day I work to be the best I can be and grow. Some days are hard and some days aren’t so hard. My sleep improved when I moved out of my parent’s home.

Having my husband, buddhist teachings, pets, keeping a journal, and getting out to do things I enjoy helps. I plan to start therapy since I’ve been dealing with a lot this past year and I think it would be probably best to go over my childhood with a professional finally. 

I would say my biggest fear would be parenting. I want children one day and I know I would be a wonderful mom. However, in a way there is this feeling of failure for not being able to just be “happy” deep down. I hide it perfectly from everyone but it scares me to think of my child seeing through it. It scares me of having them feel bad or guilty. It’s hard knowing your partner wants to make you happy but also knowing there’s a part of you that just isn’t. It also scares me that everything I work for won’t be “enough” and that maybe the dark corner in my head will be stronger. 

There was a story of a women that sticks with me. Huge community member with three children. Vibrant personality. She had PPD but it was diagnosed and being treated. Supportive husband and stable home. One morning she went missing. She was reported seen leaving her house in her pajamas. They later found her body. She jumped off a bridge and took her life. The family and community were shocked. 

So, my biggest fear is being a parent, having this seemingly put together life, and even still waking up one morning to want to find that bridge.

But, ultimately, I am happier than I have ever been in my life currently and I just try to focus on that. I recite that nothing is permanent and the bad moments fade. I remind myself religiously to not worry over the things I cannot control. It’s just taking each day as it comes.

 

Post # 13
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

My son has always suffered from severe anxiety. Going to school has always been a real trial for him – for years he would throw up every morning then get dressed and off to school. It’s been so horrible watching this daily, as I know there’s not much I can do. He’s highly gifted – I think being so smart is part of anxiety. I’ve met so many brilliant people with anxiety. 

Last year he had a full blown panic attack the first day of school – and it took me 3 weeks of coaxing, and reassuring him that everything was fine before he went back. Last year wasn’t a good year! This year we have him on a medication that reduces adrenalin flow – so you don’t get those panicky feelings – and he’s doing much better. When he finishes grade 12 I think I’m going to deserve a medal ! It’s been a tough 10 years so far.  

Post # 14
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

I battled with a bout of depression when I was 18 and then again at 22. Both time very very short lived luckily. I took Prozac for 6 months both times. I’m 31 now and I was ‘fine’ until the end of 2012 when things that had happened in the couple of years before caught up with me (a bad break up, losing friends). I had suffered on and off with insomnia since I was 19 but one night I didn’t sleep AT ALL then the next I didn’t sleep. This then made me anxious and as we all know with insomnia, once you start to panic it gets worse. I went to my doctor and was prescribed zolpidem (Ambien) then zopiclone. Thus began the hell of rebound insomnia, anxiety (never experienced it before the meds), memory loss and being close to losing my job and then the eventual cold turkey when my GP got a warning for over-prescribing me sleep meds and signed me off work for two weeks. She had no clue about dose reduction. Didn’t sleep for 4 nights straight and then got an hour here and there. I still have insomnia but had a lot of CBT and cope much better with it now.

This all started quite early on in my relationship with now DH and he had never had anyone close to him suffer with mental health issues of any kind. He did struggle with me pushing him away and at one point I told him we should break up but he stuck it out. It wasn’t actually depression/ anxiety, it was the sleep medication that caused the problems but when you are desperate for sleep and your GP is telling you the medication is much safer than older sleeping pills then it’s easier to justify.

I grew up with a mum who suffered post natal psychosis, has no memory of me until I was two and attempted suicide on a number of occassions. She’s done amazingly well and has been on a pretty even keel for about 10 years now. I HATE the stigma attached to depression. I have autoimmune diseases and as soon as a doctor finds out I suffered depression in the past they give a knowing look and seem to think I’m overplaying my symptoms. Ugh.

When I was struggling at work, a lot of coworkers opened up to me about their own battles with depression, stress, anxiety etc. I think it’s made us a lot more supportive of one another and if we need to take an afternoon off because things are overwhelming or we want to be quiet and not join in conversations then everyone is understanding. 

I haven’t felt the darkness of depression creeping over me in a long time (for me it’s a very specific and sudden feeling) but I would no longer feel too wary to tell anyone about it.

Post # 15
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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honeybadgered :  I’d LOVE to hear about your diet changes and the type of yoga you do! I’ve come a long way, but I’m really determined to get even better now. 🙂

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