(Closed) Mental illness as related to dating and relationships

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
65 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

My first 2 husbands both struggled with mental illness.  The first marriage ended in divorce, the second in his death.  I will NOT be with someone who is mentally ill again.  It tore me down and I had to learn to find myself and who I was without codependency.  My 3rd husband is indepenedent and healthy and fine, and it’s a breath of fresh air.

Post # 3
4425 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Some people are abusive assholes without having a mental illness. When you are asking your mental illness questions before dating someone (as you put it, you should ask before you consider dating them) will you be asking about their asshole tendencies as well?

Post # 4
4425 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I think that’s where the previous thread went wrong. It’s about how you treat other people, not about a mental illness. The previous thread had a poll about which mental illness was a deal breaker.

It should have been “what behavior would be a deal breaker for you”

Post # 7
1884 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Id save it definitely depends on prognosis and how controlled the illness is and how likely that treatment is to continue working.  Based on my life experience,  bipolar and schizophrenia are deal-breakers, but something like anxiety and depression can be managed or lived with. It’s the same for physical disorders.  If you know someone has a specific disability going in,  then you need to decide if you can live with it.  I suppose that’s like any personality trait lol.  If you can’t love with someone who is a workaholic or mean to waitresses,  it’s a deal-breaker and you both get the opportunity to move on and find someone who loves you for your imperfections. 

This book isn’t really about mental illness,  but it’s a great vacation read.  I just finished it and highly r3commend it for an amusing read that makes you think about how people with mental challenges  are people too and deserve respect and compassion,  etc,  stuff like that. 

<h1 id=”title” class=”a-size-medium” style=”box-sizing: border-box; padding: 0px; margin: 0px; text-rendering: auto; color: #111111; font-family: ‘Amazon Ember’, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 1.8rem !important; line-height: 1.25 !important;”>Weekends at Bellevue: Nine Years on the Night Shift at the Psych ER by Julie Holland</h1>

Post # 8
1988 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It’s all about behavior. I don’t care about the diagnosis, but I do care about the behavior of the individual. I have a grandfather who is a real asshole piece of shit. I doubt he’s been diagnosed with a mental disorder. 

My husband and I both have been diagnosed with depression and I have attention deficit disorder. I take medication for depression and do many things for self care. 

I worry about people stigmatizing mental illness. Some people avoid getting it treated and avoid having their family members treated because of the stigma. That would be my concern with a question like this. 


Post # 11
1153 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Honestly I don’t think, as someone with three verified mental disorders, that there is anyway to discuss this topic in terms of dating, without offending someone, because this is the internet, and people get offensive quite easily when they don’t understand mental illness/disorders like others do.

Just my two cents.

No it’s not a deal breaker for me, and never was. If you can’t love someone despite their faults, you don’t love yourself. However in some cases, yes I can see how it would be a deal breaking. my husband is bipolar, it does wear you down, mentally and physically.

Post # 12
9260 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

Just a heads up, your thread might be okay but it might also be closed because you are referring back to a closed thread and (for lack of a better term) questioning/disagreeing with the decision made by the mods which is against the TOS. So it might be better next time to leave out the portions where you stated you think the mods decisions were unfair as that could be the thing that gets it closed down.

Post # 13
10853 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I believe that almost anything can be a dealbreaker at the dating stage. When it comes to choosing a life partner it is perfectly acceptable to be selfish or risk avoidant for any reason at all. 

Post # 14
819 posts
Busy bee

ladyjane123 :  I am right there with you. I tried it once. Never again.

although I have to say it seems he is better with his new wife. Or I am so far out of the loop, I just don’t see when he goes off. Either way, glad his issues are no longer my concern.

Post # 15
12135 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

ladyjane123 :  I’m closing this because you are referring to a closed thread which is a violation of the TOS and you are questioning the decisions by the moderators which is another vio, as slomotion :  explained so well.

additionally, there was a note left by me at the end of that thread as to how to have the discussion without being closed which made it clear what the problem was, so it’s odd that that part was skipped. 


The topic ‘Mental illness as related to dating and relationships’ is closed to new replies.

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