(Closed) Mental Illness Dealbreakers

posted 2 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

The type of person who’d make a poll to discuss which types of mental illness make a person unworthy of dating would be a huge dealbreaker for me. 

Post # 4
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

Insecurity/Jealousy isn’t a mental illness.  It shouldn’t be on the list.  However, it is the only trait in someone I would consider a deal breaker.

Post # 6
Member
9718 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I think it’s too dependent on every individual to say “Oh I would never date someone struggling with X.”

I think in any relationship you have to know how to take care of your own mental/emotional health. You may be able to support a partner struggling with mental illness while still being able to take care of yourself in which case it’s not a reason to leave. But when your own mental health is being effected I think them you have to start to consider if it’s a relationship you can continue in. Everyone has different thresholds and support systems so what one person can handle another might not be able to. And if you are struggling yourself, it’s going to be increasingly difficult for you to be support for your partner.

I will say that anger issues would most likely be a dealbreaker for me. I grew up in a very angry household (a lot of screaming and throwing things) and I could not handle being in a relationship with someone with anger issues. Any yelling triggers my own anxiety and it would just be a miserable existence for me.

Insecurity/jealousy (especially if it leads to controlling behavior) would also be a dealbreaker. 

Post # 7
Member
4892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

I don’t like this post 😐 is this about your boyfriend who wanted to hurt your cat? Or who has the anger issues and punches pillows?

Post # 8
Member
57 posts
Worker bee

Only the first two are mental illnesses. More fitting examples would be psychosis, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. And no mental illness would be a deal breaker for me. That’s something they can’t control and had no say in obtaining. People who have an addiction to hard drugs chose to do those drugs for the first couple times, and people let their anger, insecurity, and jealousy get out of control. I would not be in a relationship with someone who falls into the latter group, but I would never hold someone’s actual mental illness against them.

Post # 10
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

lifeisbeeutiful :  That’s who this OP is?!?! OMG I remember that thread and that poor kitty frown

Just to clarify OP, on the off chance you’re not asking for a ‘friend’ and are still with that dirtbag: 

1. The vast majority of people with mental health issues wouldn’t dream of hurting an animal. In fact, animals can be a great source of comfort to people when they’re going through tough issues. 

2. Being an animal abuser is 1000% a kick-him-to-the-curb-yesterday dealbreaker. I sincerely hope you’re not still with that douche. 

Post # 11
Hostess
8670 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

I am deleting the poll of this post as find it quite inappropriate and will keep an eye on this thread for now. 

Post # 12
Member
4892 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

mingogo4 :  anger and addiction aren’t always caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, that is false. It is ONE diagnosis but there are many others, Such as a genetic predisposition, emotional/physical/psychological trauma, problems with neurotransmitters, family/upbringing, etc etc. Lots of reasons. A person has to go through extensive medical testing to diagnose anger/addiction being caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It’s not an easily given diagnosis. 

I feel like you perhaps made this thread to try to convince yourself that your partner isn’t so bad, and that other issues are worse? 

Post # 13
Member
11617 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

It’s not wise or kind to empathize with an abuser. 

It doesn’t matter why someone has anger issues, it matters that they have them. And there are many studies that show abusive people choose who to abuse. They don’t go hitting their bosses or screaming at people who have something they want.

While there are no perfect people, no one owes empathy to an abuser. This is a very unhealthy mindset thst our culture feeds young girls to their own detriment. 

It’s perfectly okay, in fact it’s your job, to be selfish enough that you take good care of yourself. 

Post # 14
Member
974 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

mingogo4 :  

I have anxiety and deprea1aion on/off and so does my Darling Husband to a much lesser extent now but still.

For me things like Bipolar, NPD, BPD, Schizo and substance abuse/addiction are total dealbreakers… jealousy and anger too but there is more wiggle room, everyone gets angry at times and everyone can get jealous occasionally .. but if it was a constant or reoccurring thing where someone checking me out, or me being late to come from work would result in a rage and be dangerous then it would be a deal breaker. 

Side note about NPD… as I have realised in the last couple years… my own mother has some serious Narcissistic traits… which I have pick up a bit (fleas) and I do realise it and Im working on it and thanking my lucky start I am going through it now and not after habing a kid, and I have cut her off… and thanking my lucky stars for the most supportive and undertanding hubby ever.

Post # 15
Member
5893 posts
Bee Keeper

BalletParker :  “And there are many studies that show abusive people choose who to abuse. They don’t go hitting their bosses or screaming at people who have something they want.”

Very true. I’m sure OP’s boyfriend can control his anger around 6’4″ bodybuiders, Marines & NFL linebackers, it’s only women and 3 pound kittens he has a problem with. 

The topic ‘Mental Illness Dealbreakers’ is closed to new replies.

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