Post # 1
Just wondering what types of mental illness/issues you guys would consider a dealbreaker in a partner, and which types would you stick around and show support for.
For the sake of this post assume that the partner is aware of their issue and is currently engaging in a recovery process (which lets face it, may not be a simple easy fix for most). A partner that doesn’t even acknowledge that they need help is a discussion for another thread.
Also, does it matte if it is a long term partner vs. someone you are courting/dating? If a new potential partner disclosed this to you would it be more of a dealbreaker than it developing later on in life with a long term partner?
Also, not including personality disorders (NPD, BPD, BiPolar, etc) but feel free to reply with your experience/opinions on these as well!
Post # 2
The type of person who’d make a poll to discuss which types of mental illness make a person unworthy of dating would be a huge dealbreaker for me.
Post # 3
Im glad we’re not dating, then!
But in all seriousness, I never said any of these are “unworthy” of dating. I was having a conversation at work where one girl who is in the beginning stages of dating a man was asking for advice because he decided to open up and tell her of his struggle with depression and prescription pill addiction. it seemed like the advice was split between run away, it’s not worth it, and to give him the benefit of the doubt. Lead to more conversation of one of the girls opening up about dealing with her husband’s anxiety throughout the years, and how if she knew about it when they first started dating that she would have maybe contemplated continuing the relationship, but would never leave now because she loves him and believes in the marriage, even though it’s extremely difficult.
More just wanted to open a discussion, as it seemed like certain mental illnesses were more “taboo” and other ones were normalized and okay. I also have mild anxiety, and my fiancé has issues he’s working through as well, although advice I have gotten is just to “leave”, instead of support and work through.
Was just trying to open discussion on what is often a very taboo topic, but one that I don’t think should be. We should be able to talk about this kind of stuff, and I wanted to start by seeing if people truly have an “absolutely not” approach when it comes to mental illness and if it is dependent on the timeline and the type of illness(as I witnessed at work, some do.)
Post # 4
Insecurity/Jealousy isn’t a mental illness. It shouldn’t be on the list. However, it is the only trait in someone I would consider a deal breaker.
Post # 5
jgfish : I suppose it isn’t a mental illness in itself, but I believe it can be directly related to and symptomatic of mental illness such as anxiety/paranoia, PTSD. I also think it is extremely relevant to relationships in general.
Post # 6
I think it’s too dependent on every individual to say “Oh I would never date someone struggling with X.”
I think in any relationship you have to know how to take care of your own mental/emotional health. You may be able to support a partner struggling with mental illness while still being able to take care of yourself in which case it’s not a reason to leave. But when your own mental health is being effected I think them you have to start to consider if it’s a relationship you can continue in. Everyone has different thresholds and support systems so what one person can handle another might not be able to. And if you are struggling yourself, it’s going to be increasingly difficult for you to be support for your partner.
I will say that anger issues would most likely be a dealbreaker for me. I grew up in a very angry household (a lot of screaming and throwing things) and I could not handle being in a relationship with someone with anger issues. Any yelling triggers my own anxiety and it would just be a miserable existence for me.
Insecurity/jealousy (especially if it leads to controlling behavior) would also be a dealbreaker.
Post # 7
I don’t like this post 😐 is this about your boyfriend who wanted to hurt your cat? Or who has the anger issues and punches pillows?
Post # 8
Only the first two are mental illnesses. More fitting examples would be psychosis, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, etc. And no mental illness would be a deal breaker for me. That’s something they can’t control and had no say in obtaining. People who have an addiction to hard drugs chose to do those drugs for the first couple times, and people let their anger, insecurity, and jealousy get out of control. I would not be in a relationship with someone who falls into the latter group, but I would never hold someone’s actual mental illness against them.
Post # 9
curlybee123 : I disagree. I agree some of them may describe more symptoms of mental illness than the Illnesses themselves, or instance anger can be a symptom of oppsoitonal defiant disorder, or even anxiety is able I manifest as anger at times. Addiction has been traced to have genetic links to predisposition, and I have been effected very closely by people in my life addicted to prescriptions prescribed by doctors, so I wouldn’t consider that their “choice”. Also insecurity/jealousy can be directly related to disorders such as borderline personality disorder.
I thought it may just be more clear to people to list the symptoms that would directly relate to relationships.
Anger, jealousy, insecurity, and addiction is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, and I often wonder why when someone has an anger disorder or an addiction its “their fault” and they should “get it under control” vs. someone who has depression and are suffering from an illness and it’s not their fault (which I agree with, but I also agree that this empathetic view then should be applied to other chemical imbalances).
This post was inspired by a discussion at work, but it is already trending in a way I had suspected.
Post # 10
lifeisbeeutiful : That’s who this OP is?!?! OMG I remember that thread and that poor kitty
Just to clarify OP, on the off chance you’re not asking for a ‘friend’ and are still with that dirtbag:
1. The vast majority of people with mental health issues wouldn’t dream of hurting an animal. In fact, animals can be a great source of comfort to people when they’re going through tough issues.
2. Being an animal abuser is 1000% a kick-him-to-the-curb-yesterday dealbreaker. I sincerely hope you’re not still with that douche.
Post # 11
I am deleting the poll of this post as find it quite inappropriate and will keep an eye on this thread for now.
Post # 12
mingogo4 : anger and addiction aren’t always caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, that is false. It is ONE diagnosis but there are many others, Such as a genetic predisposition, emotional/physical/psychological trauma, problems with neurotransmitters, family/upbringing, etc etc. Lots of reasons. A person has to go through extensive medical testing to diagnose anger/addiction being caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain. It’s not an easily given diagnosis.
I feel like you perhaps made this thread to try to convince yourself that your partner isn’t so bad, and that other issues are worse?
Post # 13
It’s not wise or kind to empathize with an abuser.
It doesn’t matter why someone has anger issues, it matters that they have them. And there are many studies that show abusive people choose who to abuse. They don’t go hitting their bosses or screaming at people who have something they want.
While there are no perfect people, no one owes empathy to an abuser. This is a very unhealthy mindset thst our culture feeds young girls to their own detriment.
It’s perfectly okay, in fact it’s your job, to be selfish enough that you take good care of yourself.
Post # 14
I have anxiety and deprea1aion on/off and so does my Darling Husband to a much lesser extent now but still.
For me things like Bipolar, NPD, BPD, Schizo and substance abuse/addiction are total dealbreakers… jealousy and anger too but there is more wiggle room, everyone gets angry at times and everyone can get jealous occasionally .. but if it was a constant or reoccurring thing where someone checking me out, or me being late to come from work would result in a rage and be dangerous then it would be a deal breaker.
Side note about NPD… as I have realised in the last couple years… my own mother has some serious Narcissistic traits… which I have pick up a bit (fleas) and I do realise it and Im working on it and thanking my lucky start I am going through it now and not after habing a kid, and I have cut her off… and thanking my lucky stars for the most supportive and undertanding hubby ever.
Post # 15
BalletParker : “And there are many studies that show abusive people choose who to abuse. They don’t go hitting their bosses or screaming at people who have something they want.”
Very true. I’m sure OP’s boyfriend can control his anger around 6’4″ bodybuiders, Marines & NFL linebackers, it’s only women and 3 pound kittens he has a problem with.