Post # 1
I am SO sick and tired of dealing with my Mother. She is just getting out of control at this point and all I want is for her to leave me alone. The current crazyness started 2 years ago when I voiced concerns I had with her mentally and phsyically abusing one of her adopted children (she has 3 all of which I ended up basically raising all threw my teen years). She FREAKED out and cut all contact we (myself and older sister both birth children) had with the adopted children. I ended up calling DHS but since they give notice when they are going to come talk to the kids of course they were all told what to say and the report came back unfounded. Fast forward to my reception……
I invited her, her now husband, and the kids. She and her husband came but of course she didn’t bring the kids. She stormed off because she was unhappy about where she was sitting and nearly ran over my DH’s best friend. A few days later I open my email to find a LONG email from her saying how selfish I am and how I treated her like garbage. I didn’t respond.
When I got my BFP I sent her a very brief email just so she wouldn’t find out via a friend or family member. Her response was “I don’t care and I don’t want to know about anything that is happening in your life”. I didn’t respond.
Last week I got 2 letters in the mail from 2 of the adopted children. Both letters were hurtful and very much directed by my mother. Once again I didn’t respond. The next day my grandmother from my fathers side passed away. It was a very sad week and weekend and I am still emotional about it.
Today I get another SUPER LONG email from my Mother which ends in “find someone else to be your punching bag I’m tired of all the lies don’t ever contact me again” Um WHAT? I didn’t contact you! YOU keep contacting me and what lies?
I’m just so fed up seriously I am pregnant I just lost my dear grandmother and you feel the need to cause more drama and emotional stress to me.
I’m so fed up.
Post # 3
If you really don’t want any contact with her, take those letters and get a restraining order against her. That way, if she ever contacts you again in the future, she’ll have to answer to the police for it.
Post # 4
That sounds like the best way to handle this.
Post # 5
Unless he is threatening me with harm I can’t file. I have already contacted my lawyer.
Post # 6
not even for harrassment? It seems like there should be somethign to protect people from this! So sorry you’re having such a difficult time:( (((hugs)))
Post # 7
My mom is not mentally “well” either, but lucky for me she is not abusive in this way. It is a tough thing to accomplish, but you need to try to emotionally disconnect yourself away from her and the rest of that family if needbe. As painful as that can be, it’s less painful than the letters and her harsh treatment. Your child will be better off not having that influence in their life. It’s hard and painful to admit this, but sometimes it is for the best. Just because we are born into a family does not mean we need to always carry their burden. You have your new family now and you can focus on building the kind of life you want to live. Sorry you’re dealing with all this. How someone could ever say “I don’t care” about a grandbaby is beyond me. 🙁
Post # 8
My mother in law has borderline personality disorder and unfortunately she becamse so toxic we had to cut her out of our life. We recently sent her a note that said “we are happy to share we are expecting a baby this fall.” But we do not plan on being involved with her. She is dangerous, negative, and unstable. Unfortunately you need to cut out the people who cause you harm: emotionally or physically. Good luck xoxo
Post # 9
Have your lawyer draft up a cease and desist letter? That should stop her from contacting you without needing to prove intent to harm. Then join this community, you’ll get TONS of advice.
Post # 10
Change your e-mail address and don’t give it to whoever is close to her so she doesn’t get it through them. And yes, I guess a restraining order is necessary (bring the e-mails with you)
Post # 11
Mental illness is very hard to deal with, You have to accept it for what it is, your mother is mentally ill
I’d suggest you take the moral high ground and stay civil, avoid conflict- moreso for your own sanity and to keep your stress levels reasonalby low. You are pregnant and you have to take care of yourself.
lean on your biological sibling for now, and your adopted ones will understand when they are older.
Post # 12
@MarryMeTiffany: You could always block her email address and throw away any letter mailed to you. I would not even read them.
Post # 13
@Soladylike as upsetting as it is, I would keep a record of every.single.thing she sends.
If she ever does take things too far you have to have enough documented history to get a R/O. You don’t have to read it and absolutely shouldn’t respond, but keep a record just in case.