(Closed) mentioned again

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
578 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Kudos to you because I would’t be as cool about him talking to her. Esp if she is trying to pick the things out for OUR house. I would talk to him and tell him how you feel. I don’t see why she would need to be there and hopefully he should understand. If it was reversed you know he wouldn’t like you ex to be there. Good Luck.

Post # 4
952 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

You’re a bigger person than me, because it would bug the heck out of me if my Fiance was talking to his ex. I would not let him invite her to the wedding, not only for your sake but the sake of his family as well. She’s an ex for a reason. If they want to stay friends, that’s fine, but in my opinion ex’s rarely have a place at weddings. Of course there are special circumstances, but I’d rather die than have any of my or his exes at our wedding!

Post # 5
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

You’re a much nicer woman than I am because I wouldn’t be ok with him still being friends with her. There’s no way I’d be ok with her "input" on things you do like the house fixtures and I def wouldn’t want my Fiance to call an ex for advice on stuff. And there’s no way she’d be coming to the wedding if it were me! Its not that it would be a trust issue or anything, I just wouldn’t even understand the need to be friends still…do they have a huge circle of mutual friends? A dog they share? I would talk to Fiance and see if there’s a way to cool this friendship a little…its odd she wants to tell him what fixtures should be in the home the two of you are going to live in.

Post # 6
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Yes, kudos to you, while I trust my Darling Husband, we leave the past where it belongs. I have met his ex-FI once at a wedding for one of his friends and while there was no issue since they dont speak and well I dont care, it was awkard for him more than me.

I am fine with being friends with an ex to an certain extent, except the point that they are a part of your life and it starts to get in the middle and that seems to be the case here. She is a little too present in your life togethor if you ask me, that is not ok. He should not be going to her for advice, nor discussing his relationship with you. There is a fine line there with being friends with an ex and this type of relationship would make me uncomfortable too and you need to discuss your feelings with him.

Post # 8
3332 posts
Sugar bee

It sounds like you’re pretty patient and understanding of his friendship with his ex.  I think you should just have an honest conversation with your Fiance.  Tell him that while you understand he’s friends with her, you wouldn’t feel comfortable with her attending the wedding.  You could ask him how  he would feel about you inviting an ex to the wedding–even if you’re friends, it’s still always a little awkward and uncomfortable.

Have you met her?  Are you two friends at all?

Post # 9
22 posts
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree with Jessie516. You should have an honest conversation with him about your feelings. Let him know that you want him to continue to be friends with her but you feel like it would be awkward if she was at the wedding. This day should be about you and your husband-to-be and the start of your lives as a unit. Hopefully he’ll understand.

As a therapist, I always encourage couples to have honest conversations about their feelings, even if it’s hard. Communication is the biggest key to any relationship.

Post # 10
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Whoa.  Teach me yours ways.  I don’t think I’d be okay with that kinda stuff, but my brother-in-law is deployed right now, so I get where you’re coming from about him having someone to talk to about it.  I would suggest maybe you two meet in person before deciding whether or not to invite her.  In theory, it would be nice if she could come and not cause problems, but I don’t know if that’s a guarantee.  Not only will it be weird for you, it will also be weird for his family since they don’t care for her.  And I don’t know if she’s this type of girl or not, but she could be throwing out those "When he and I were engaged…" comments at your wedding.  My FH has a an ex who constantly talks about how much his parents LOVED her (even though they didn’t care for her at all) and how they were soooo in love, blah blah blah.  My FH doesn’t have a problem with her anymore (he’s pretty indifferent towards her) but I know it would be weird for me.  Thus, I nixed her from the invitation list.  It’s my day too!

Post # 12
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Wow. You are an inspiration to me! My fiance is friends with an ex, too, and while I don’t have to see her often, it bugs the heck out of me. Luckily, he’s not inviting her to the wedding. I think it would be one thing if your fiance’s ex was just a girlfriend–but she’s an ex-fiance, which makes it more awkward, because she’ll be a reminder of the wedding he almost had. It sounds like you have every reason to trust him, but inviting her to the wedding just gives you qualms, which anyone could understand. I think if he knew that it bothered you, he would be understanding about not inviting her–or he would be able to reassure you so that you feel more comfortable! Either way, congrats for handling the situation so maturely.

Post # 14
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

She kept the ring???

Ok, technically (um…legally) it is a gift, but it’s in such poor taste to keep an engagement ring from a broken engagement. Do you think she’ll give it back?

I’m so happy this took care of itself! Kudos for staying so calm!

Post # 15
1205 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Oh, I just saw this. Way to go for you for keeping calm, and it all worked out! Of course there is a reason they broke up!

I get really uncomfortable when DH’s family mentions an X even when it’s innocent. I run into this most with people who haven’t seen him in years and they think I’m her. Ick! Kudos for your patience, your man must really appreciate this.

Post # 16
2681 posts
Sugar bee

I just saw this thread as well – good for you for being so level headed about everything and understanding.  I wish I could be like you!

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