mentioning a deceased parent on invitation

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

I understand the desire to honor a deceased parent, but I do think it’s a little weird for it to be on the invitation, especially in the way that you phrased it. I think people would definitely do a double-take at the implication that a deceased man was inviting them to a wedding. Perhaps you could honor him in the ceremony programs instead.

Post # 4
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I lost my father and I was wondering the same thing – defnitely interested in this thread. I think even just saying “together with their parents” still implies the deceased relative, but doesn’t bring the “double take” attention to it like others would. I don’t know… I’m curious to hear other’s suggestions.

I plan to honor my father by walking down the isle alone, and having a note in the program along the lines of “the bride is choosing to walk down the isle alone in memory of her late father *name here*”

Post # 5
Member
762 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with LittlestBirds. Honor your father in the program and/or in the ceremony.

Post # 6
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I lost my mother and didn’t put her on the invite because it isn’t really proper to have a deceased person invite everyone to the wedding.  What I did was:

Father and Stepmother

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of his daughter

I did that because my stepmother didn’t raise me, they were married when I was in college.

Post # 7
Member
1014 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I’m in a sort of similiar situation, but in your case, i would probably word it…

Jane Doe

daughter of Mr. & Mrs. Step Dad and the late Mr. Bio Dad

and

John Smith

son of Mr. & Mrs. Josh Smith

request the pleasure of your company……

 

I know pps have suggested putting his name in the program, but for us there’s just something about acknowledging your deceased parent in the actual invitation that feels right.

Post # 8
Member
1696 posts
Bumble bee

Once someone is deceased, they really cannot invite people. A better way to word it would be:

 

Mr. and Mrs.  Stepdad

request the pleasure of your company

at the wedding of

Bunny Lovesbear

daughter of Mrs Stepdad and Mr Biodad

etc.

etc.

 (it’s “wedding”, not “marriage”, because wedding is a one-day event, whereas marriage is a life-long event that you don’t really want all those guests hanging around for 😉

Post # 9
Member
130 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry that your darling dad will not be there on your wedding day. I think that you can be creative in how you mention him on the invitation (I like the suggestions of naming the hosts who will actually be there and then acknowledging you as “the daughter of…” underneath, but I too would hesitate at extending the invitation directly on his behalf. I hope that you have a lovely picture of the two of you together to place somewhere special at your reception. It might be nice to place your bouquet next to the picture.

And lest brides with printed invitations think “hell, I invited to people to celebrate or witness my ‘marriage’, and not my ‘wedding’; did I get it wrong?” it is my understanding that if you are married in a place of worship, guests are invited to witness your ‘marriage’ and not a wedding. your invitations reflect that your marriage is the important sacrament celebrated on the day, and the ceremony that you are inviting guests to witness. In secular ceremonies, or for less formal occasions, ‘wedding’ would be appropriate (not that inviting people to your ‘marriage’ would be inappropriate if you were not getting married in a church either).

 

Post # 12
Member
26 posts
Newbee

@bunnylovesbear: I think it is a beautiful tribute to your father to have him included on your invitations.  Best wishes on your marriage

Post # 14
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

There are many ways to do this and it doesn’t seem like the “rules” are firm.  My father is deceased and my mother is not remarried so she insisted that he go on the invitations because in her heart she is still a “Mrs.”

As someone who was close to her Dad and didn’t have a stepfather I also wanted him on there.  If my father had passed when I was very young or had not been in my life then the situation may have been different.  My DH’s parents, for many resons, were not listed on the invitations at all.

Post # 15
Member
7052 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I didn’t place my father’s name on the invite. 

It was just my name and fiancee’s name (we’re an encore couple).

But…on my bouquet I purchased a sterling silver angel charm to honor his memory as though he would be still in some way, walking me down the aisle.

Post # 16
Member
4485 posts
Honey bee

While it is understandable to want to include it, proper etiquette says that a deceased parent does not go on the invitation as they cannot invite anyone to any event. You can remember them elsewhere at the wedding if you wish.

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