Post # 1
My parents lost a baby beofre I was born. FI also lost a newborn sibling, that he had known. Both babies passed before they were 1 month of age. I have lost 3 grandparents as well. I feel listing 5 deceased people is a bit morbid and a big downer at a ceremony.
I know his family is very much into doing special things for the baby that passed (letting balloons go, visiting/decorating the grave mulitple times a year). My family believes that you carry the deceased in your heart, they know you care and you dont have to do anything to show it.
I was thinking of just mentioning our siblings at the ceremony. Then having pictures of ALL of our grandparent’s weddings + our parents weddings (deceased included with the living). I may sound cold, but I personally dont think it is appropriate to have pictures of premies clinging to life at the wedding.
advice? ideas? Are you doing anything to mention/or honor the deceased?
Post # 3
@SparkleBee11: I think that with either way you go (include or not) someone is bound to be offended.
I agree that it’s a touch morbid (for lack of better words) to include pictures of tiny babies clinging to life. I would include pictures of your loved one’s weddings, I think that’s a beautiful way to honor your loved ones!
I think a wedding should be a celebration of two lives beginning. My family is a lot like yours, in the sense we feel we carry our loved ones in our hearts, and they know we love and miss them dearly.
Post # 4
@SparkleBee11: WE meant to, but forgot to, put a sign on one seat in a pew, with some flowers, saying “this seat is reserved in honour of our loved ones no longer with us.”
I also added them into the prayers of the faithful during our mass.
Post # 5
We’re going to have a small table with pictures of my mother and her parents, as well as pictures of FI’s paternal grandmother and maternal grandfather.
We might have a candle on this table to symbolize their spirits.
Post # 6
@SparkleBee11: I think it’s important that whatever you do, you and your FI are both comfortable with it.
My best friend lost her mother when she was young, she wore a piece of her jewelry on her wedding day and had a candle dedicated to her at the head table. Some of her family was upset that she didn’t have photos or make mention of her in the speech, but she was happy with what she did an that’s what matters. I thought the candle was sweet.
Post # 7
@Duncan: IMO your loves know what you meant to do! The thought and love was there! Thats a nice way to incoperate them.
@LeSpice: Everyone mourns differently, either way it will probably get touchy. Many people dont know about either of our siblings, since their lives were so brief.
Post # 8
We had an eight-page, formal wedding program, and one page was reserved to honor our grandparents who are no longer with us. We simply noted that and listed their names.
Post # 9
@mrsmay07: Yeah I definitely think it is important to be comfy with it. I like that your friend did it with out much attention to it. I would prefer this way, I am sure FI would too.
Post # 10
@Brielle: I was also thinking of doing that too and that way it there and done… with out bringing too much attention to it.
Post # 11
We are saying something to the effect of:
Bride and Groom have asked that we take a moment to honor the memory of those loved ones who could only be here today in spirit.
No specifics, just a moment to think about them.
Post # 12
Everyone grieves differently. I think you should do what makes you comfortable. My mom passed away 4 years ago and my grandfather passed shorlty before my mom and my uncle passed shortly after my mom. My family really needed a happy occasion to get together. I also lost my other grandfather as a teenager and my husband lost his grandmother as a teenager (the other grandparents and his uncle had passed before he was born).
When our pastor did a little intro at the begining of the ceremony he mentioned how important it was for us to be married surrounded by our loved ones, those attending in person and those there in spirit. We also mentioned them in the prayers section. And that was about it. One of the signature cocktails was the first drink I had on my twenty first birthday when my mom took me to New Orleans – I wrote that story on the cocktail menu. That’s all I can think of. During the ceremony a butterfly was flying all around us and my mom’s family all thought it was my mom and my husband’s mom thought it was her mom and it people loved it and thought it was pretty cool. But it’s not like you can plan that.
I’ve known people that lit candles for loved ones. One that put a single rose on a chair during the ceremony for his mother. Prayers. Pictures. Moment of silence. Whatever works for you.
Post # 13
@SparkleBee11: We aren’t mentioning anyone during the ceremony, but there’s a note in the program acknowledging those no longer with us/attending in spirit. I also plan to have candles (for the 4 grandparents no longer with us) with a nice poem honoring them at the guest book table.
Post # 14
@ardowns: I think thats another great way to do it, with out making it a huge deal.
@JenGirl: Love that you had a drink inspired by your mom.
@Soon2BeMrsS: also a nice way to remember those who passed.
Thanks for all the responses! They have been super helpful
Post # 15
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
We had something at the bottom of our program, can’t remember the exact wording, but we thanked our family for support, blah blah blah
friends for being part of our lives
and thoughts with those who are with us in spirit
list of five names (grandparents and a very special friend who passed.)
I also like ardowns suggestion a lot. I think the wedding photos would be a lovely touch.
Post # 16
@SparkleBee11: It’s quite common in our area to do a memorial bouquet or a vase with X number of roses. We are doing the first, and our programs will have a small note at the bottom;
The bouquet on the alter is in loving memory of those who have gone before us.
I’m debating names still. We have 7 deceased grandparents between the two of us, and I have a close friend from HS who died. I’m leaning not mentioning names and letting people think of who they want.