Post # 1
I have a small issue that I need help with and I’d like to find a way to resolve this before we get married which is next week. We’ve been living together for almost 2 months and even though we’ve discussed finances and how to pay household bills he’s not contributing. I understand that I make a considerable larger salary than he does and we’ve even discussed that so the amount of his contribution monthly toward the mortgage and household expenses is fair to his bring home amount. I go out of my way to not make money and issue So when he asked me to make him a budget and go over household expenses with him I was happy to do that but now what I don’t understand is why is he not contributing. I’ve already brought it up two times and I don’t want to bring it up again but it is really bothering me. The only expense that he has is a telephone bill which runs about $50 a month so he has a lot of disposable income more than I have because I’m paying the mortgage and utilities and groceries and when we go places he does not pay. I pay for everything. If we go somewhere I pay for that. I am paying for the entire wedding and the trip. I’m just at my limit with this whole issue. My bff says Bring it up August 1 since that’s when the mortgage and the bills will be due and remind him that is when everythOMG is paid but I’m not his mother and I’m not taking him to raise I want to have an equal life with him but it’s causing me a lot of stress. I even had to buy my own rings because the ring he bought on eBay was simulated diamonds but he didn’t know what that meant (honeself he did not know!) so he thought he got a great deal in in the end I tried to accept they came from the heart but I’m a little more accomplished in my life so and couldn’t wear it so we had to get past that issue and in the end he returned the ring and we found one together but like I said I had to pay for it. I love him very much and am looking forward to having a long happy healthy life together but I just can’t get past this. Any advice??
Post # 2
deposit both checks into a joint account, get him a debit card to use for his personal expenses. Create a budget and tell him how much the household can afford for him to spend each month. If he can’t obey the limit you’ll have to put him on an allowance. (My sister had to do it with her hubby, we all teased but it seems to work great!)
Post # 3
I couldn’t even read after you stated you pay most of the bills and he is incharge of his own cellphone bill. You sound like his sugar mama!
He is a grown ass man he needs to support the household a lot more than he does. Was he like this before you married him? If so what did you expect to change when you got married?
Some might not agree but I would never marry a man who did not want to support his family to his best abilities. I would have little respect for a person behaving the way your husband is.
I would go to marriage counselling because this issue is much larger than money managment. Something is fundamentally wrong with a grown man who behaves this way.
Post # 4
As much as you don’t want to make a big deal about money it is a big deal. You need to be able to communicate this to him. I pay the bills in my house and as soon as I’m done I tell Fiance how much he owes me and he gives me the money. He is usually prepared to owe me becasue he has to nag me to sit down and pay everything once a month. As soon as I get back from the grocery store I tell him the total and he gives me his half.
Just tell him what he owes you and ask him to give it to you.
Post # 5
Have him set up his paycheck for direct deposit – whatever amount you agree is fair (maybe 50% for instance) goes to a joint account and the remainder go to his personal account. Split your paycheck into two separate accounts as well. ALL joint bills come out of the joint account, personal expenses come out of the personal accounts.
I recommend basing it on percentages instead of dollar amounts – if you’re both giving 50% or 60% or whatever to the household fund, it’s fair.
Post # 6
Gosh I must be old fashioned because if I had to ask my husband to buy dinner or chase him down for his half of our mortgage he wouldn’t be my husband.
Post # 7
I know this sucks, but it is often cited that the biggest cause for couples splitting up is money. Your FH appears to have zero responsibility and is taking advantage of your sugar momma status.
You need to put your foot down and have an open conversation with him where he tells you exactly why he has been ignoring your plan and feeling comfortable with you covering all expenses. And then you open a joint bank account where money is pooled and bills and necessities taken out, and you discuss who pays for what and when in terms of extras.
But don’t expect this to change overnight. The expectation has been set that you buy everything, including your rings, wedding, mortgage and groceries. He clearly gets the better end of the deal, and he might not want to give it up.
Post # 8
It sounds like you are marrying a child. Tell him to direct deposit all of his checks into your joint account.
So who exactly owns the house?
Post # 9
Auto deposit sounds like you friend.. and surely he can afford to contribute a little more than $50 to the household. If he’s making that much less, how does it make sense that he has more disposable income than you after you pay teh rest of the bills. Sounds like should be disposing more of that to the household. What is he doing with the rest of his cash then?
Post # 10
I dont see any sign that he wants to be in an adult relationship with you, or understands what that means. This is not a small issue.
Post # 11
1.) How old is he?
2.) You have only lived together for 2 months… was he living with his parents beore this?
Post # 12
I married a guy like this. You have to get tough with him. Talking frankly about money is hard and uncomfortable but this will ruin your marriage.
Post # 13
This is also what we plan to do… Set up a joint account and have 75% of our paycheck amounts direct deposited into the joint pool. The other 25% is out disposable income.
From the joint funds, the mortgage and all bills will be paid.
Post # 14
This is a pretty big red flag of future problems. he is contributing next to nothing, refusing to communicate with u, allowing u to pay his way constantly, and through all of this u are becoming resentful (and it’s very understandable that u are!)
my Fiance and I have lived together for over two years and although we split our bills and household expenses 50/50, when we go out on weekends he pays and takes me out.. Even though I make significantly less than him, this works for us. Every couple is different though…
regardless, he need to be a contributor And u need to put ur foot down. U don’t want to live like this for the rest of ur life together. It sounds like he needs to grow up, start acting like an adult and paying his way. But if u haven’t made this all perfectly clear to him then u are at fault as well bc u’ve allowed this to go on for as long as it has.
this conversation has to happen ASAP. Or u will continue to be angry and he will continue to use u.. I’m sorry for being harsh bee but the fact is that this convo needed to happen two months ago!
Post # 15
We just combined all of our accounts and view all money as our money. We will flip-flop throughout our lives with who has the larger income, and neither of us wanted to feel like we were mooching or have to ask each other for money. We’re making a life together, which, for us, also means building our finances together. For the first few months of living together, I was transferring large sums of money into his account for shared bills and it just got tiresome. We both find things much easier now that it’s all combined.