(Closed) Merging lives and money

posted 5 years ago in Money
Post # 2
Member
2698 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

deposit both checks into a joint account, get him a debit card to use for his personal expenses. Create a budget and tell him how much the household can afford for him to spend each month. If he can’t obey the limit you’ll have to put him on an allowance. (My sister had to do it with her hubby, we all teased but it seems to work great!) 

Post # 3
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

I couldn’t even read after you stated you pay most of the bills and he is incharge of his own cellphone bill. You sound like his sugar mama!

He is a grown ass man he needs to support the household a lot more than he does. Was he like this before you married him? If so what did you expect to change when you got married?

Some might not agree but I would never marry a man who did not want to support his family to his best abilities. I would have little respect for a person behaving the way your husband is.

I would go to marriage counselling because this issue is much larger than money managment. Something is fundamentally wrong with a grown man who behaves this way.

Post # 4
Member
207 posts
Helper bee

As much as you don’t want to make a big deal about money it is a big deal. You need to be able to communicate this to him. I pay the bills in my house and as soon as I’m done I tell Fiance how much he owes me and he gives me the money. He is usually prepared to owe me becasue he has to nag me to sit down and pay everything once a month. As soon as I get back from the grocery store I tell him the total and he gives me his half.

Just tell him what he owes you and ask him to give it to you.

 

Post # 5
Member
4720 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

View original reply
kyenkasey:  Have him set up his paycheck for direct deposit – whatever amount you agree is fair (maybe 50% for instance) goes to a joint account and the remainder go to his personal account. Split your paycheck into two separate accounts as well. ALL joint bills come out of the joint account, personal expenses come out of the personal accounts.

I recommend basing it on percentages instead of dollar amounts – if you’re both giving 50% or 60% or whatever to the household fund, it’s fair.

Post # 6
Member
2570 posts
Sugar bee

Gosh I must be old fashioned because if I had to ask my husband to buy dinner or chase him down for his half of our mortgage he wouldn’t be my husband.

Post # 7
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

I know this sucks, but it is often cited that the biggest cause for couples splitting up is money. Your FH appears to have zero responsibility and is taking advantage of your sugar momma status.

You need to put your foot down and have an open conversation with him where he tells you exactly why he has been ignoring your plan and feeling comfortable with you covering all expenses. And then you open a joint bank account where money is pooled and bills and necessities taken out, and you discuss who pays for what and when in terms of extras.

But don’t expect this to change overnight. The expectation has been set that you buy everything, including your rings, wedding, mortgage and groceries. He clearly gets the better end of the deal, and he might not want to give it up.

Post # 8
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

View original reply
kyenkasey:  It sounds like you are marrying a child. Tell him to direct deposit all of his checks into your joint account. 

So who exactly owns the house? 

Post # 9
Member
15119 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Auto deposit sounds like you friend.. and surely he can afford to contribute a little more than $50 to the household.  If he’s making that much less, how does it make sense that he has more disposable income than you after you pay teh rest of the bills.  Sounds like should be disposing more of that to the household.  What is he doing with the rest of his cash then?

Post # 10
Member
1309 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I dont see any sign that he wants to be in an adult relationship with you, or understands what that means. This is not a small issue. 

Post # 11
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
kyenkasey: 

 1.) How old is he?

2.) You have only lived together for 2 months… was he living with his parents beore this?

Post # 12
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I married a guy like this.  You have to get tough with him.  Talking frankly about money is hard and uncomfortable but this will ruin your marriage.

Post # 13
Member
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
LadyBear:  
View original reply
kyenkasey:  This is also what we plan to do… Set up a joint account and have 75% of our paycheck amounts direct deposited into the joint pool. The other 25% is out disposable income. 

From the joint funds, the mortgage and all bills will be paid. 

Post # 14
Member
4316 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is a pretty big red flag of future problems. he is contributing next to nothing, refusing to communicate with u, allowing u to pay his way constantly, and through all of this u are becoming resentful (and it’s very understandable that u are!) 

my Fiance and I have lived together for over two years and although we split our bills and household expenses 50/50, when we go out on weekends he pays and takes me out.. Even though I make significantly less than him, this works for us. Every couple is different though…

regardless, he need to be a contributor And u need to put ur foot down. U don’t want to live like this for the rest of ur life together. It sounds like he needs to grow up, start acting like an adult and paying his way. But if u haven’t made this all perfectly clear to him then u are at fault as well bc u’ve allowed this to go on for as long as it has.

this conversation has to happen ASAP. Or u will continue to be angry and he will continue to use u.. I’m sorry for being harsh bee but the fact is that this convo needed to happen two months ago! 

Post # 15
Member
1299 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

We just combined all of our accounts and view all money as our money.  We will flip-flop throughout our lives with who has the larger income, and neither of us wanted to feel like we were mooching or have to ask each other for money.  We’re making a life together, which, for us, also means building our finances together. For the first few months of living together, I was transferring large sums of money into his account for shared bills and it just got tiresome.  We both find things much easier now that it’s all combined.

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