- 4 years ago
I’ve been a lurker here for a while but I need help!! I have been with my man for a little over 2 years, and lived together pretty much as long. I moved into his place, and I knew he was messy. I attributed it to him being a bachelor and working a lot. We lived there a few months and then moved to a new rental. We have been there over a year, and this summer will be moving into the house we are building.
I am going bonkers because of how MESSY he is!!! I’m not a neat freak, I’d say slightly above average tidiness on a day to day basis when I had my own place. But to clean up after myself is one thing. Its expected, in my mind. You make the mess, you clean it up. My man has no such concept. We do not have a dishwasher and I am so tired of coming home from work to dirty dishes in the sink, from him, that is didnt even bother to rinse or soak. He leaves opened, not needed mail and catalogs to pile up on the kitchen counter before I finally have enough of it every couple weeks and swoop it all into the garbage. He leaves his work clothes in the living room (he is in law enforcement and works a rotating shift). He leaves wrappers and empty bottles, dirty glasses, everywhere. He is just a SLOB. He has never cleaned the toilet or shower or vaccuumed. The only time he does clean is when I blow up at him and have a meltdown!!!
We both work full time. As I said above, he is in law enforcement so he rotates from days to nights every 5 weeks. When he is on night shift, he goes to work at 3PM, and is home at 12AM. He is usually up by 9 or 10 because of the dogs, so he has 4 or 5 hours where he literally sits on his butt. If I ask him to, he will run a few errands for me in town.
Last night I had a meltdown and wouldn’t even talk to him, didn’t even want him home for dinner because yet again, no matter how many times I have told him you need to wash your dishes, you need to pick up after yourself, I’m tired of feeling like I am expected to do it all, there were dirty dishes in the sink from him on top of the dishes I had soaking- but not even in soaking. Just there, with crusted on food. I was so mad!
I love him so much and he is a great guy but this has GOT TO CHANGE!!!! I am not his mother, I am not his maid. If the garbage is full, take it out! Don’t wait for me to ask you three times before you do it. You’re home for a few hours, do a load of laundry from start to finish. There are clean dishes on the drying rack, put them away. There are dishes that have been soaking, finish washing them. Stuff that takes 10-15 minutes of his time, is all I ask to make life easier on me and easier on our relationship.
We are moving to a new house, as I said, and I do not want to live like this there. I do not want to be embarrassed having people over because the house is messy from him. I’m not the tidiest person in the world but at least I clean up after myself and do house cleaning every weekend. If I don’t no one will!
I’m at my wits end. This is really the only contention in our relationship and I cannot live the rest of my life with him if this doesn’t change- it is that big of a deal to me and I know my method of holding it in for months and then blowing up is not effective either…. help!
Edit to add…. it especially infuriates me because after work, I go to the gym, so I don’t get home until 6:30-7:00, and like to be in bed by 10. Do I ever get to sit on my butt like he does? NO! When I get home I have to cook dinner and clean up after him and it is really something that I am not going to continue to put up with.