(Closed) Met a guy on my bachelorette party

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
1218 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Goinganon2013:  The guy in the club was everything I want. 


Do you really think that a guy you met for just a few hours is everything you want? You know nothing about him and you didn’t say anything about the good qualities your Fiance surely has. I think you are letting the physical takeover and are not looking at this logically. Have you told your Fiance you have needs that are less vanilla? Have you seen a doctor about your yeast infections? Does your Fiance provide everything else you need besides sex? I am not judging, but I really doubt a random guy you met for a few hours in a bar on your bachelorette pary is everything you want. Especially since he is the type of guy to go after taken women. Think about it.




Post # 4
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Goinganon2013:  I know how you feel.  FH is not the big take charge man either, and I’ve been with guys like that in the past.  I sometimes wish that FH was more like that and I get mopy every now and then about it because I’ve seen a movie or seen someome on the dance floor who’s like that.  That said, I would never, never, trade FH for one of those men.  I love FH for so many reasons that are so much more important.


Post # 5
1552 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

You’re not ready to get married if you have strong feelings for a guy you met in a club, got drunk with, danced and let grope you, no matter what your “arrangement” with your Fiance is.  I’d tell your Fiance that the experience has made you question your relationship and take a step back.

Post # 6
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

@hotpinkbride:  Agreed 100%.

OP, it sounds like you’re in some kind of open relationship…  Not for me, but whatever floats your boat.  But you decided to commit to your Fiance.  Can you think of why that is?  And do you really know anything about this stranger you met?  If this is simply a physical attraction, it sounds like you need to spice up your life with your Fiance.  If it’s something more, you should think long and hard before you really commit to him.

Post # 7
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Goinganon2013:  I definitely understand how you want to made to feel sexually, I like being treated that way sometimes too. But my H is like that, he can be rough when it’s right and soft and romantic another time. We are so compatible it’s crazy and I’ve never felt this way before with anyone. Thank goodness.

Is your Fiance just lacking something sexually or are there other areas that are lacking? Because you can work on sex as long as the chemistry and passion is there. If you just don’t feel anything when you have sex with you Fiance, that’s a problem that can’t be fixed. 

Post # 8
4173 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@Goinganon2013:  ..well sure, the guy in the club seems terribly attractive and appealing, you know absolutley nothing about him, other than what he looks like and that he’s terribly handsy when he’s had a few….your Fiance stands NO chance against this young man’s mystery and appeal….but I can assure you, if you spend more time with him (which I am in no way suggesting) he would eventually do or say something that literally makes you want to puke!

Honestly, a man that comes onto an engaged woman he’s known for mere hours is no gentleman and can certainly not be accused of having good intentions…I understand you want to get a little rowdy in the bedroom, but you also love your Fiance for a myriad of reasons that escape you just now because that’s what happens to us all from time to time.

We get blinded by some brassy, handsome, brazen rogue who says the right thing at the right time….but you’re not with him, he’s not with you and you ran into this guy AFTER you got engaged…could it be fate?  I would think so, but not in the guise you’re ascribing, not some teary goodbye to the single days, but a fond farwell to boozy jerks with a silver tongue!

Burn that guy’s number, and let him reside in your mind as some fantastic fantasy, at least that way he’ll stay perfect, I assure he’s none so wonderful in the stark light of day.  Focus of your Fiance, the thing that are amazing about him and show up in bed with some ropes and some whipped cream…he’ll catch on!

Post # 10
4145 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

This kind of sounds like straight out of a romance novel. Look, we all want certain things that we don’t have, and its so easy to romance a girl drunk in a bar, and have feelings for a guy, drunk in a bar. But reality is what’s in front of you, and your fiance, and the fact that if you have a less than stellar sex life, you guys need to fix that beacuse it’s an issue in your relationship, not something you should blame on your fiance because you met some guy with muscles in a bar. A guy in a club is just that, a guy, that you know nothing about. What you need to focus on is what you have, and whether what you have is what you need and want, without comparing it to some dude who was sleazy enough to kiss an engaged woman and feel her up. Not that you didn’t let him…

Post # 11
1737 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Also, this might be just because I watched Anna Karenina way too many times but you see what happened in that movie? Maybe it’s not a good idea to go for the sexy and mysterious bad boy. Well, granted she was married not just engaged which made it worse but still … didn’t turn out well. 

Post # 12
1849 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

but that’s ALL you know about the guy in the club. 

let’s explore the possibilities – he could be awesome. OR

he could be racist, rude, a mama’s boy, lazy, stupid, abusive, addicted etc. would he still be everything you want?

the point is – from what you THINK you know about this random stranger you met for a few hours while drinking you THINK that he’s what you want. 

in reality you know 1% of his personality. you have no sweet clue what the other 99% is. 

i don’t think you should get married – not because of infidelity (especially since it seems in your position it’s not) but because you’re not sure about your Fiance and you admit that there is something ‘missing’ in your relationship. 

Post # 13
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I am sorry that you are going through this… there are going to be temptations surrounding you for the rest of your life so you need to try to avoid these situations as much as possible. Next time, dont sit on his lap and talk to your friends instead of the guy. There is no reason to let it go that far.

Monogomy is difficult and it is something that a lot of us have to work at. Just know that this guy is not as wonderful as he seems. It is just the newness of the man that you liked. Getting married is a very scary thing and it can cause us to stray a little.

Besides, for all you know… that guy could be playing a game to see if he can get a girl to leave his fiance for him.


Post # 14
770 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Nona99 +1!

I think it’s a case of the grass being greener.  You meet someone for a few hours, you don’t know how they are as a person at all.  Is he bad with money, is he a cheater/liar/etc, is he a ladies man, will he be there for you and support you, will he love you years from now, and so forth.

Why did you accept your FI’s proposal, what was it about him that made you say Yes?  Remember all those reasons, and what you love about him.  Is an unknown guy better than those reasons?  And you can say Yes, but that tells you you’re not ready. 

Post # 15
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

You sound really young and I don’t think you are anywhere close to being ready to get married.

I don’t even know how I have the balls to say this but it just feels right:  If you get married, you’re probably going to end up divorced.

Sorry but from what I gathered in the OP you pretty much gave us a roadmap to assume it’s bad news.  Postpone the wedding or cancel it alltogether.  This is NOT good.

Post # 16
4394 posts
Honey bee

Do you really want to be involved with someone who thinks it’s ok to kiss and try and hook up with a woman who is engaged to be married in 3 weeks anyway?

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