I really appreciate all your advice, guys. Means a lot that perfect strangers would take the time to help me.
I’ve definitely realized that this guy wouldn’t be the stand-up honorable guy that Fiance is. It’s kinda weird though, because such things are quite acceptable in my culture. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because people drink so much. I actually normally only drink alcohol a few times a year. I also wish now that Fiance and I didn’t have such an arrangement. I even talked to him about it again last night and he just thought it was funny. I couldn’t understand why it was funny to him at all, but the fact that he’s not upset upsets me. Then again I think it kinda goes back to our culture, which I now realize is mega strange!
Am *so* gonna watch that movie!!
I am also going to take the advice of being *all over it* when he does the stuff I want!
I have indeed been treating the yeast infections. They’ve just kept re-occurring and sex hurt when I had them, so we couldn’t have much sex over the past few months. Anyway touch wood I think they are now sorted out and my doc has been helpful. In fact, he’d be probably be a great person to talk to about this.
I am older than my 20s. I’ve also had many relationships, and have no interest in the single life. I also think this is why this has upset me so much. I’ve gone out many times, and never had anything like this happen before.
I can’t imagine Fiance seeing a sex therapist. He would rather die.
Okay, I’m gonna be graphic here: Too Much Information alert. Basically, I’ve had lots of LTRs since I was 18, but Fiance met me when he was 28 and I was his first serious relationship. When we first met, he we so sweet about waiting to sleep together, which I thought was really romantic. When we did sleep together, there was so much chemistry (still is to the point that people comment on it!) that it was great for the first two years. After two years though, the sex became less exciting as 1) He was quite shy in bed, which started to make me shy and he was so incredulous anytime I suggested anything every vaguely different and 2) Because he hasn’t had many sexual partners, he doesn’t seem to quite understand how it all works. Sometimes it’s fab, but other times he moves to my genitals so much sooner than I need. I do move his hand away, but sometimes it’s tiring and frustrating. I think he is confused because some days (rarely now 🙁 :() I do O like 5 mins into sex, and other days I need like 30 mins or it never happens no matter how long. 3) He doesn’t like oral sex, even though it’s pretty much my fave thing. I think part of this is because I am one of those female ejaculators 4) I have hormones issues, and will be starting testosterone therapy when I next see my gynaecologist. He’s fully booked up until November, so can’t start it before then. And he says he wants to do one more blood test before prescribing it despite the fact that it’s been freakishly low for the past five years!!! Weirdly enough, my low testosterone hasn’t affected my sex drive, just my ability to orgasm 5) Writing this also makes me realize I need to go back to being more assertive in bed. I used to be so adventurous, but since he’s so vanilla it makes me feel shy. I’ve told him that.
But how do you talk about this? On date night? In bed? During sex? I am wildly jealous of your sex life TBH. He sounds like my sexual match. LOL I did use to be really open, but since he isn’t, it’s made me feel self conscious.
I honestly didn’t realize we had issues with intimacy until this incident. I guess I pushed it all to the back of my mind and buried it.
“Chances are good based on what you’ve written that your caring compassionate Fiance is a a great guy that can be with you for years to come, in so much as he understands that Relationships have a natural ebb & flo… it isnt all roses and rainbows around the clock forever !!”
This! Does anyone know about the love languages? Many years ago he and I read the book and discovered that our love languages are very different. I also think this is part of the issue and have told him that. He spends lots of time with me (quality time) and buys me amazing presents (gifts) and is very affectionate (physical touch), BUT he never sits down by candlelight to tell me that the way my hair shines in the moonlight is like poetry (words of affirmation). The most romantic thing he ever said was when he came home from a long trip away and broke down crying because he missed me so much. But normally he is so practical and in his head that I don’t get the verbal stuff I need. We talked a bit last night and I told him this (for like the 500th time!) and he mentioned the nice cards he always gets me for special occasions. I then told him that is why those cards have pride of place in our apartment, but they’re not enough.
Yet in a way, the fact that he isn’t like this is part of why I love him. He would stand for me in a fight, and doesn’t let anyone mess with me. He is very protective. However, what makes him this macho guy is probably also what makes him the type to not wax lyrical about me. I still can’t quite understand why he is this take charge guy IRL and yet so vanilla durin sex though I’ve never gotten that dichomtomy.
I agree with the ladies re: cold feet. I will be making a sacred promise to God, and I cannot ever divorce in the eyes of the Lord if it goes wrong. So this has to be part of it!
P.S. I’m thinking of scheduling a consult with Alsion Moir-Smith of emotionally engaged.com