- 8 years ago
- Wedding: September 2015
@Nona99: +1 I agree with everything you had to say
@Nona99: +1 I agree with everything you had to say
Wait, wait, wait — you’re in your thirties and you were letting a 19 year old kiss you and feel you up in a bar? That is really, really weird.
And this why I don’t think women in committed relationships should be out getting drunk in bars without their partners. It’s just a breeding ground for crap like this.
I am really curious to know what this ‘culture’ you keep mentioning is. Also, club-boy was a 19 year old? Come on. That shouldn’t be appealing no matter how many drinks you had.
Think of it this way once: the guy you met in the club was jumping at the chance to hook up with a woman who is engaged to be married. That says a lot about him as a person. Even if you and this club guy got together, do you think you could trust him after something like that? One can feel many emotions that are heightened and fueled by drinking (I speak from experience), but chances are that the club guy is not your soulmate (if there is such a thing). As for you and your fiance, you have to understand (and you probably do) that relationships go through many different phases – and your sex life isn’t going to be as hot as it was when you first got together. That’s normal (chronic yeast infections are not but I hope you can get that figured out soon – how miserable!). I think that what it boils down to is one HUGE question: Do you love your fiance enough to make the committment to spend the rest of your life with him? Does it depress you enough to give up other men and prospects that you think you’ll regret your marriage? If so, it’s time to make some huge decisons.
@Goinganon2013: I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you are lusting over a fantasy though. And I would be really concerened with the way this guy acted…at your BACHELORETTE party. He sounds a lot like Harlan from Thelma and Louise…sexy and fun until he gets you alone outside and tries to rape you. Not that the guy is a rapist! I’m just saying that it sounds like he showed you a side of him that he wanted you to see, and he doesn’t have to show the real him because hello, you are getting married…you are committed to someone else already and this guy never has to show you who he really is because he knows you won’t leave your fiance/husband for him because you only met him once, and while you were drunk. Sounds like he’s trying to get lucky. You really need to think things over too and be sure that you are ready to get married.
@lh526: THANK YOU. My single friends have such a hard time understanding why I have zero desire to go out to a club type bar (my favorite martini bar is a different story because it’s mostly 30 something year old couples hahaha)….but I just never feel like being in a hot sweaty room wtih a ton of younger 21ish year old kids groping eachother on the dance floor. I hate having to deal with drunk guys coming up and trying to talk to me and acting like I MUST be into it because nobody else in the bar seems to hate it. UGH. I just would rasther be out with my Fiance and our friends than dealing with that. I thought I was the only one hahaha.
That being said, I think the people who crave this atmosphere when they’re with someone are probably looking for validation or some sort of attention. When I was 18-22, I was right there with them. But to be in your 30’s and still want that attention from guys that young is just foreign to me.. I’m the girl at the bar trying to send “F.R.O. youngin!” with my invisible laser beam eyes ahahaha
Honestly, the few months before our wedding we were trying to completely avoid sex. Somewhat failed at that… for a while when we were not trying to avoid it though DH would try to initate and I’d totally just brush it off and ignore it – my sex drive was nonexistant. Since the honeymoon though it has been through the roof… if we go 2 days without sex I feel like something is missing… Its like a switch got magically flipped in me since we have been married – I suspect a lot of it is not having any wedding stress anymore, it was taking its toll on both of us.
As for the yeast infections… I actually have a possible solution for you… It may sound weired, but try using coconut oil as lube. It has natural antifungal/bacterial properties (also good as a general body/face moisturizer…). Also is much cheaper than actual lube (as far as I have seen) and less messy since it is solid at room temperature (melts on skin contact). The only thing I will caution you with is to check if it is compatible with condoms you are using – it MIGHT degrade them to not be effective. If that is the case… maybe consider using the pill if you are not alread on it. OR, just get u or him to rub coconut oil up your lady parts after you pee after sex XD
And as for your Fiance not being one to initate doing it rough… is it that bad of a thing to ask him to do it rough? almost always one of us will ask the other “how do u want it?” with the answer being a combination of rough/lovey, and/or a position we want… communication is awesome 🙂
I hope your yeast infections clear up and your Fiance get the whole “rough sex” thing 🙂
~wishing you a good marraige.
went back and read your updates:
re: talking about sex – to start, perhaps start with asking/telling him how you want it at the beginning of each “sexual encounter”. A common thing I request for example is “I want it to be lovey (aka: him on top missionary) but finish in doggy-style (this way he can be forceful and I can touch myself easily)” (TMI I know… sorry about that). He often requests me on top.
it could also be a kinky start to something if you straddle his lap (or something) and wisper sexy things in his ear abou how you want him to “take you hard” or something.
Regarding simply talking ABOUT sex, I find a good time is AFTER we just had sex and are cuddling in bed – just be careful to pad any requests with compliments. The worst thing would be for him to feel he is incapable of doing what you need, or inadequate (I have made some oopsy’s like this that require copious explaining and apologizing on my part to fix…). For example: I really like it when you go down on me, but its even BETTER if you wait a little longer and do ___________ first for a little while.
It IS strange and feel uncomfortable talking about sex to begin with – thats something your Fiance will just have to push through. But it gets easier as it becomes a more common thing for you two to talk about.
@deetroitwhat: I rarely drink, which is extremely unusual for where I live. I drink maybe twice a year, and couldn’t care less if I never drank again. This was very much a wild hurrah, which is why I was drinking. I did not however think I would meet a random guy in a club.
General update: I wrote about the experience in this thread. However, as the alcohol left my system, I realized that that guy should never have approached a taken woman. So yes, not a stand-up guy. However, it definitely gave me a wake-up call regarding my sexual needs. People on this thread can judge me, but the fact is there is a reason I am marrying my Fiance. I am addicted to his scent, I love the way he looks, he is extremely intelligent, he is very physical outside the bedroom (always grabbing my butt), he is extremely honourable, we have similar interests, he would kill for me, he ‘gets’ me and I admire him in a way I’ve only ever felt with one other man. I’m not going to just give up on us because of our sexual life. So I’ve talked to him a bit, and am gonna talk to him some more this week. I’m also going to talk to a priest. Finally, I talked to my mother who was married to my father for 30 years until he died. They adored each other and had the happiest marriage; HOWEVER even she told me she had nerves before she got married. So if my mother felt this way (and she and my father were insanely in love, always grabbing one another, hugging and kissing etc.) then it does make sense that I went a bit crazy.
Again, I really appreciate you ladies. So kind and helpful to me!
I have seen this happen on so many bachelorette nights.
For some reason, there is always one or two guys that make a beeline straight for the bride. It’s like some sort of prize or joke if they can score with a girl who is about to be married.
I had a guy try and do this to me and i told him where to go. I have seen it with other friends too.
I don’t think the guy in the club is what you’re looking for.
@FionnaCake: I highly doubt this 19 year old boy fell for you on a spiritual level. The most likely scenario is that him and his buddies saw a bunch of women having a bachelorette party and wanted to see if someone could hook up with the bride.
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