(Closed) Met an amazing British man who's divorced, gun shy to get married again?

posted 3 years ago in United Kingdom
Post # 2
Member
2910 posts
Sugar bee

I think you have two choices: Return to wherever you’re from initially and move on with your life, OR work on getting a work visa. And I don’t think you should do the second unless you genuinely want to work and live in England.

Post # 3
Member
9521 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Tell him you need to have a frank conversation about you staying in the country. If he cannot directly communicate with you then that is a major red flag. 

 

Post # 4
Member
131 posts
Blushing bee

Here’s my perspective coming from a woman who feels similar to your boyfriend.  (Hence my screen name)

My significant other of 13 years and I are going through the same thing. I’ve gone through a painful divorce and having had to start over financially so I’m terrified of marriage.  My significant other has never been married and wants the commitment of marriage.  He just recently bought me a beautiful ring & we agreed to call it a commitment ring for now.  I am starting to soften and will probably agree to marriage in the next year or two. I’m very lucky my man loves me and is understanding.  

I’m curious, does your boyfriend have children and how did he fair financially in his divorce?  Is his divorce recent? 

Post # 5
Member
47458 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Timing is everything. You have known each other one year. He has just finished a ugly divorce (your words). Many people would be hesitant to jump into another marriage in that time frame.

If you want to stay in the UK do that on your own by getting a job/sponsorship in your field. It will give your relationship time to develop without the pressure of marriage.

Post # 6
Member
6243 posts
Bee Keeper

As a Brit – British guys don’t “clam up and go silent” when they want marriage and don’t see it as a problem. They talk about it, take you ring shopping and propose. 

You know the issue. He doesn’t want it. You do. Maybe children? I don’t know. But it’s a basic incompatibility. 

Its a total killer you’re right. How absolutely frustrating and upsetting for you to be in this position now.  He probably equally gutted that he knows he can’t give you what you want and is likely to be the end of his time with you  

I suppose you either a) stay in the relationship and put all thoughts of marriage out of your head or b) leave

talking how you have im just not sure doing A is an option for you. It sounds like you’ll drive yourself dippy with frustration. 

With B – If you explain to him that you want to be with a man who wants to be your husband and you understand he doesn’t want that and therefore you have to leave, MAYBE he’ll do a U-turn. But I wouldn’t count on it. 

It comes down to do you want a relationship with this man at the cost of your desire for marriage or do you want to be free to find another good match with someone who wants to marry you? 

Post # 7
Member
91 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
UK-bee :  I’m West African and my fiance is English. He’s traditional old school English. We both live in London, my dad lives in the US. He video called my dad in the US to ask him permission to court me after we’d been dating 5months. 4 months later my dad visited and he asked to meet my dad.  During my dad’s visit he told him he’s seriously considering marriage and would like my dad’s permission to ask me when/if he felt the time was right. My dad gave him permission to and a month later he proposed.

English men like men all over the world are programmed to hunt to catch what they want. 

Your guy might be happy in the relationship but he doesn’t currently see it as a life long one where he excludes all others. This is becasue of a range of different reasons, past hurt, not met the right person etc.  These reasons might change but it’s left to you to decide on what you want. Do you know about rotational dating? It says not to commit to a man until he’s comitted to the level you’re happy with. If you want marriage you don’t comitt until a man you ar ehappy to marry proposes. Of course this means no sexual intimacy. Women release a high rate of the bonding hormone oxytocin when we have sex so it make sit more difficult to make these type of decisions.

I suggest listening to Dr Pat Allen’s radio show and calling in for suggestions.

Post # 8
Member
1295 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

View original reply
julies1949 :   UK-bee :  

 

this, also getting married isn’t “outdated” at all in London, or elsewhere 🤷‍♀️

Post # 9
Member
4413 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

 

View original reply
Strawberries1 :  Please note the age of threads before commenting. This OP is long gone and you are replying to Bees who have been inactive for years. 

The topic ‘Met an amazing British man who's divorced, gun shy to get married again?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors