- 4 years ago
I don’t know if this is the best place to post this as I feel Wedding Bee/The Knot can be a scary place to post unless you’re about to march down the aisle… but I really don’t know where else to go…
So I’ve been in London for the past year for Graduate school, and I’ve met an incredible, kind, amazing man last year who has been like my best friend.. We have very compatible personalities, similar spiritual backgrounds (how we first met and continue to go to a same group) and share a lot of common interests, education, lifestyle, etc. I do think we are crazy for each other. I’m 38 – never been married, he’s 49 – just finalized from a (nasty) divorce and has a son.
But here is the buzzkill: He had just gone through a divorce and seems SUPER gun-shy about getting married again. I know you all are probably thinking, “Why are you getting involved with him then?” Well, I’m kind of asking myself the same question. When we first met, I don’t think we imagined romance was in the cards, however our friendship just evolved, got stronger… and here we are. I know he loves me and he’s definitely made it clear he sees me as a long-term partner… but I’m under the impression it’s for a long-term partner, not a wife… anytime soon. His divorce was very ugly and he’s supporting his ex, teenage son, their house and his own place. Also in England, esp. here in London, getting married is becoming more and more outdated (esp comparing to our Scandinavian neighbors up north)… so that isn’t helping this cause.
We can talk about almost everything BUT this… and I feel anytime I like, post something on my FB that relates to weddings, marriage (as I’ve kind of hinted at him) he starts avoiding me or would get frustrated and change the topic completely. Yet, it’s ridiculous b/c he KNOWS I cannot be here in England unless I either get an employer to sponsor me (which I’m in a technology field makes it somewhat easier, but to get a sponsored Visa costs a lot of money, and not sure if that’s likely to happen)… or I would think getting a Marriage Visa would make the most sense for us to be together, if I’m gonna move this far just to be ‘move in roommates.’ (For the record, I am looking for my own flat…)
Unfortunately like most British, and esp. British men, they tend to clam up or go silent in handling problems – so when I’ve brought up this, he pretty much did just that. How can I get him to open up about talking about marriage? I know this isn’t personally about me, so I’m trying not to take it personally. And I know for a fact he was esctatic when he knew I saw him as the ‘One’… I think that he’s just freaked out on getting hurt again?