(Closed) Met when we were 15, dated for over 10 years now 26, engaged and unsure.

posted 4 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Do you have specific concerns?

Post # 3
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Elaboration required

Post # 6
Member
4023 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

It sounds like you’ve simply outgrown each other. You can love someone and still understand you’re not right for each other. Now that you’re adults and you have a career, it’s understandable that your priorities are no longer in sync. 

Post # 7
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Don’t marry this guy. Go be alone for a while, then date other guys, and marry someone else. This isn’t the person for you.

Post # 8
Member
22 posts
Newbee

I agree with PP. Things will only get worse once you’re married. It’s also a big red flag that you don’t know how much debt he’s in and he doesn’t seem to be interested in paying it off.

It’s hard to be single and leave a long-term relationship. It’s lonely. But it’s so worth it and I think you’ll regret it more if you end up with this guy for the rest of your life.

Post # 9
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
perdita :  Oh, my. I get ppl have different beliefs, but IMO if you’ve already slept together and have had other partners, living together isn’t a “big” deal (IMO). Anyways, it sounds like you’ve pressured him, and it wasn’t a mutual thing. You both have different goals in life, and that affects you. There’s nothing wrong with him being a musician and working at a store, and buying instruments, however it seems that you both are very different types of ppl. The big question is, are you both compatible? It seems like you may need someone with more drive..

Post # 10
Member
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

You have a lot of reasons to be unsure about your relationship. But I think the question you need to ask yourself is: what would make you sure that this is the right person for you?

If you can’t answer that question or if the answer would require a complete overhaul of things that cannot be changed (like his personality or your past together) then you should end things and move on. 

Post # 11
Member
1255 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

It sounds to me like you moved in together and pushed him for a proposal because you thought it was just the logical next step in your relationship, not because you really and truly wanted to commit to him forever. I would think about whether this is really what you want or if you’re going along with it just because you’ve already put so much time into this relationship. Have you considered trying relationship counseling? It’s also important to know whether you’re on the same page regarding kids, finances, etc. It also might help to spend some time alone for awhile so you can clear your head.

Good luck bee- I know this must be a painful situation to be in.

Post # 12
Member
916 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
perdita :  just read your update…you aren’t compatible. Don’t marry him and go into debt due to his poor habits. You know what to do bee

Post # 13
Member
315 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

Trust your gut, and at least from what you have said so far it seems like you have grown out of this relationship. It is really hard to walk away from a long term relationship and hurt someone you care about. You are young you have plenty of time to make a decision like this, maybe even talk to a counselor and see if they can help you sort through your feelings.

 

Post # 14
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Trust your gut! From your update, it sounds like you two have outgrown each other. 

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