(Closed) Mexican-Korean-Chinese-AMERICAN Affair (slight freakout)

posted 9 years ago in Intercultural
Post # 3
Member
205 posts
Helper bee

Hi!

I can definitely understand where you’re coming from! One of the things I specialize in is cross-cultural weddings and it can be a pain at times! And I’m sure you know since you’re going through it right now. But I’d say that the most important thing to ask yourself is “is everything being met halfway?”. You said that you and your fiance have decided together to get married in Mexico…then stick to that decision to get married there since you and your fiance agreed to it. Of course there will be some people that will get mad and not agree with the decisions that have been made…but they will have to snap out of it because its yours and your fiance’s wedding and the both of you should do what makes you happy. Just try to add some elements of your fiance’s side into the wedding..that way it shows to his family that you are trying although the wedding will not be in SF. That is what I am doing for my clients who are German/Taiwanese…they are combining elements of both cultures to make both sides of the family happy since the groom’s family will be flying out from taiwan.

All I can say is take a deep breath and take it one day at a time…if it gets to be too much for you..I’d say hire a planner to do some legwork and mediate if possible…sometimes I’ve had to do that for them as well. Hope your planning process gets better! Happy Holidays to you 🙂

Post # 4
Member
610 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Yeah, I just said sorry, it means a lot to the  both of us to get married (insert hometown/destination). One option you can entertain is to have an informal second dinner outing (I’m not calling it reception ‘cuz it may incurr more financial burden or more drama) inviting the people in SF who did not come to your wedding.

Post # 6
Member
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

it sounds like you’re being thoughtful and sensitive to the feelings of your partner’s family. just do what you can do to be inclusive, and that’s the most anyone can ask.  there are always going to be nay-sayers, but if you tried to satisfy everybody you’d be a puddle of anxiety–also it’s just impossible. i think your multicultural celebration sounds awesome!

Post # 7
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

That is tough.  I think, in the end, if you and your guy are happy about your decision then there really isn’t much else you can do about it.  Is it possible that you can throw a party after the wedding in San Fran, so his family that isn’t able to make it will still feel included?  I just think when several different cultures are involved its nearly impossible to honor them all equally.  It stinks because you don’t want to offend anyone but there’s nothing you can do.

Post # 8
Member
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I live in Korea (and am marrying a Korean both here and in a second wedding in my hometown in Canada).  I’m not sure about the Chinese guests, but many Koreans think if you are having a Destination Wedding you should pay for …. everything.  And you should entertain them the whole time.  We’re currently having this issues with his parents and best friend.  We’re paying for them to fly to Canada, for accomedation, for a Korean language tour…..and they still are worried we won’t ‘entertain’ them enough when they go to Canada (my Canadian mother on the other hand is paying her own flight AND paying for our Canadian wedding…AND taking care of herself in Korea on the days I’m working).  Sometimes the situation stresses me out so much because I’ve been taught to be a good little accomedating Canadian…but at some point my Korean inlaws have to also give a little and realize that they have to be okay to a certain degree with different customs just as I have had to learn to deal with their ways.  So, just stick to your shared decisions, and try to gently remind others that you are a multicultural couple who needs to accomedate a variety of different views and traditions.

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