Post # 1
I got legally married last Friday and had our wedding Saturday. While I had some nerves on the way to the courthouse Friday, I was overall fine, and very happy to be married after. Then we had rehearsal/set up and it was the most stress I have ever felt in my life (and I’m a college student). 3 hours of people CONSTANTLY calling my name and asking what to do. Then at dinner I calmed down and morning of the wedding was fine. I tend to have anxiety issues and have a script for Xanax, but felt fine morning-of and was nervous to take the pills as I knew I’d be drinking. Our formal ceremony Saturday I was calm and happy and fully enjoyed taking photos after… Until we ran short on time and people started badgering me again. Then my stepmom/maid of honor had issues bustling my dress. Then I couldn’t relax fo eat because people were CONSTANTLY coming up to me. I realize this is all typical from what I’ve heard, but I guess other brides deal better with it because I had a full blown anxiety attack. I’m not used to (nor do I prefer) being the center of attention or in charge and 2 days of people being unable to wipe their asses without my approval and not giving me a second to myself proved to be too much. I became physically ill twice during dinner, which is difficult and embarrasing when you require help in a bathroom stall. I grabbed my groom and went outside for some breathing and hugging and to go to my car and get my pills, then we had our first dance and I felt better after tho still tense. I got thru the rest of the day but collapsed into tears the moment we entered our hotel room that evening (romantic, I know).
Now, if all that craziness wasn’t enough, I can’t seem to shake the anxiety STILL, days later. Looking at photos or talking about the wedding gets my heart racing and stomach upset all over again. I haven’t been able to sleep because I can’t stop reliving it. It’s so dumb because I feel like I had this tramatic experience and it was my goddamned wedding! I’ve talked to my husband about it but all he says is what a good tome everyone said they had and how gorgeous everything was and I did such a good job. But none of that makes me feel better because now I’m pissed I spent a good hour and a half being downright miserable and didn’t even get to enjoy much of the party I spent a year planning and paying for; also because obviously everyone will SAY your wedding was awesome TO YOU but I didn’t even get a chance to make table rounds because I was so freaked out and also because I kept having dress malfunctions. I’m happy to be married but if I could go back, I would not have the wedding again
Mostly I just needed to vent I guess, but also wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and had any advice on how I can calm these residue anxious feelings. I’d like to be able to look at the wedding photos without them triggering further anxiety, and also to come out of this with some joy surrounding the result of this day I spent so long planning.
As another side note… Some things did go “wrong”, like almost forgetting our flowers and such, but those things I find comical and don’t bother me. It’s so hard to talk to my husband about because it’s not specific things that happened so much as this FEELING of being beyond overwhelmed and not enjoying “my day” at all. And now I’m just left with feelings of regret.
Post # 3
Firsly, I am so sorry you had such a tough time. I think it’s completely normal to find the day at least somewhat stressful, even if you maybe you found it more stressful than some others. The day is behind you, however, and it cannot be changed, and of course you know that dwelling on the negatives will never make you feel better. I know it’s easier said than done though. It sounds like there were still a lot of positive aspects to the day, not least the fact that you celebrated your love and commitment to your partner in front of friends and family.
I am sure it is true that your guests enjoyed the day and were happy to see you get married. At the end of the day, these are presumably people who care about you and love you just the way you are. I am sure nobody is judging you or thinking badly of you, even if you feel you didn’t behave exactly in the expected why. Unless you did something truly horrendous to someone else, I really doubt anybody is going to think badly of you. At the very most it would be the observation that you seemed pretty stressed at certain points, and nothing more. That’s not so bad. It shouldn’t change what they think about you as a person.
Look at your photos and think of the happiness that was there that day, the fact that your husband was there with you to celebrate your love, and no it didn’t go smoothly or without stress, but it was still a part of you marrying each other in front of those who love you. Nothing will change that. It marked the transition from boyfriend/girlfriend to husband/wife. Try to look at the bad stuff in a kind of way where you think, “Man, that was pretty crappy in parts, but thank goodness I won’t have to face that again and that I have the rest of my life to spend with my husband.” Focus on the good, realize that the bad is not as bad as you think, know that nobody actually thinks badly of you, and look to the future!
Post # 4
I think you should focus on the things that went well. And take some time to yourself! Whenever I’m stressed, I need to focus on something else. So maybe put away the pictures for a little bit. Another idea would be to write about your wedding (like this) and write about all of the positives and make it a happy story, downplaying your anxiety. Then read it when you feel stressed out, that way you have positive memories being reinforced and you’re not paying attention to the negative, stressed ones. And then look at the pictures and focus on the positives.
Post # 5
You are not alone. I know that I will feel this way at the wedding, especially if I plan myself and end up being in charge. I didn’t even really enjoy being a bridesmaid, can’t imagine being a bride and how hard that will be!
For now, I would put aside the pictures, memories, videos, etc. I would focus on two things,
one, you are married to a great guy (yay!)
two, everyone else had a good time
Anytime you try to think about the wedding or it creeps into your thoughts, distract yourself! Don’t go there. Don’t start getting upset and go down that road. Get a mental image that calms you (fuzzy kittens, waves lapping on the beach) close your eyes and remember these images.
Hopefully in a year or do, the painfulness will have faded and you can see your pretty pictures.
Post # 6
If your anxiety is this intense, I think a visit to the doctor is in order. I hate to think of you suffering so much with a problem that is treatable.
I say this as one who suffers from an extreme anxiety disorder. So extreme, evidently, it is the cause of my major clinical depression. The right combo of therapy and meds are working
I am sorry you had to go thru this.
Btw, I so know that feeling of everyone being on my back.