(Closed) Mid-twenties life crisis!

posted 5 years ago in College
Post # 46
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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poznog:  And I’m sure you’re a psychiatrist who has spent time getting to know the OP. 

Post # 49
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Is there a reason you won’t get a job to make some money and move out? Clearly the school thing isn’t working for you. And when was that paying job as a Finance Assistant? Three years ago?

 

Post # 50
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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Jacqui90:  Sure!  I was a program assistant at a small not-for-profit.  I had no intention of moving to middle-of-fucking-nowhere Missouri, but they came to my college to recruit and I got the job, so I just went.  Didn’t give it much thought honestly – I was 21 and they were going to pay me, so I got in my car and went.

I committed to two years, so I stayed 2 years.  I loved the job and the people, hated the town.  It was just an admin job that anyone with half a brain could do, but I got to travel all over the country and was given a lot of responsibility.  It was just a job that kept my resume from looking bare, which is really all you need for the next job.

Post # 51
Member
326 posts
Helper bee

I promised myself I wouldn’t fall into this trap again but here we are:

What are you good at Jacqui? (no snark, not trying to be mean here). Like really do-it-with-your-eyes-closed good? Think about it and be completely honest; no “I think I’m pretty good at school” crap since you know you are NOT. That’s your first step.

My Fiance used to work in public accounting. Busy season meant working Monday through Sunday from 8am to 10pm sometimes more. Do you really think your temperament of dropping out of school and doing volunteering work once a fortnight can cut it? If your “help crew” (parents, professional doctors etc) cannot tell you that and still pushes you to pursue this, I suggest you fire them all and find realistic people who have the guts to tell you if you suck at something and help you find what you are good at. I disagree with people saying you just have to want to do it because you are taking it at face value. All you do is want things. It’s not helping you understand why you are not getting anywhere. You have to DO. ANYTHING to get you out of the house right now. No professional is actually going to do it for you so for all you care you could be going to counselors from 8-5 at the end the day NOTHING is accomplished. It’s like us. You come back asking for advice and you don’t do it. Why do you think we can help you at this point?

Post # 53
Member
11376 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

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Jacqui90:  if your procrastination problem isn’t “your fault” then what does your psychiatrist recommend to change it, or are you just stuck forever? Because if it’s not your fault, it’s still your responsibility and if you don’t have a plan to change it, it won’t be changed for any purpose,no matter which job or class or volunteer job. 

Why did you cut down to once every two weeks at your volunteer job? I thought you said that was all you could handle, so my point is you need to be realistic here about what you can handle. If you really can only work once every two weeks, then find a job that pays you to do that. 

Post # 54
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Jacqui – why are you too good to get a job in a bar, or retail, or admin? I don’t get it. Don’t you WANT to move out, get married, be a functioning human being? 

I know this is falling on deaf ears, but it’s so infuriating to read the same BS over and over and over and over….

Post # 55
Member
7760 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

And not for the first time, I agree with BalletParker. It’s all fine and good to say that procrastination isn’t your “fault”, but you are still the one living with its consequences. So what are you doing to SOLVE that issue? Or is it enough to merely deny that it’s your fault and continue to live in denial and dependence? If you cut down how often you work for your charity, what makes you think you can “handle” a real job? 

Ultimately, even if they are due to mental stumbling blocks, your issues ARE your “fault” (even if it is biology instead of choice, though from what you post here, choice has a LOT to do with it). You need to own that before you can ever overcome it. The denial has not worked and will continue not to work for you, so find a mental health professional who can help you overcome your issues instead of wallowing in excuses. If you need a job, then GET one. If you cannot handle a job, figure out why and change it. You need to take some initiative in your life and stop being content with failure and dependence. 

I take that back. You only need to do those things if you ever want to be an independent, functioning adult. But you have all your needs taken care of for you now, so why bother? If it mattered to you, you would have taken action by now.

Post # 56
Member
7976 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

One of the things about growing up is that you have to give up on your dreams. It’s sad, but it’s reality. I think one of the reasons we Westerners have such issues with it is because we get these messages from films etc that we should “never give up” etc. The reality is that all dreams need to have a sell by date… fixation is simply not healthy.

My personal golden rule is this: if you’ve tried 2-3 times, and failed 2-3 times, it’s time to move on.

Once upon a time, I was fixated on becoming a doctor. I even started the undergraduate course, but did not complete it (for various reasons… some beyond my control, and some not). I later decided to sit the entry exams for grad med, to get into a more suitable course. For this, I had to sit a variety of different exams, including a set of exams called the GAMSATs. The GAMSATs had approximately a 5% pass rate at the time. Off I rock to these exams, and once I get there I see a group of guys chatting. They obviously know each other, and they ask me if it’s my first time sitting GAMSATs. It turns out that three of them have sat the GAMSAT seven or eight times, and one of them has sat it a whopping eleven times. These exams are held once a year, so this guy has put his whole life on hold for eleven years. Eleven freaking years!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I passed the GAMSATs and was accepted to grad med on a great course, but I never started the course because I required a bursary to attend… I simply couldn’t afford the fees otherwise. I tried to get a military bursary (I was already working for the military at the time) but failed to pass officer selection (I got a 9 month referral after my initial board, which wouldn’t have cut it). I literally failed at the last hurdle.

I did think about trying again the next year, but all I could think about then was that guy who had put his life on hold for eleven years. I realised that so many stars had to align for this to work for me… I had to pass the GAMSAT every year (paying a fee each time), get into the right courses, AND get my bursary at an appropriate time. I would then have to commit to a hard programme of military training and studying with no guarantees, even then. I would have had to give up everything else in my life just to gamble on something, and it wasn’t even such a great gamble. The odds were not in my favour. I realised I had to let it go… and it was hard. Really hard. But what can I say? What makes it OK is when you KEEP MOVING. Don’t let yourself stagnate. There’s nothing worse for your mood, or your ego. What I’m trying to say is that you need to move on… so make sure you are fleeing towards something, rather than away from something. You need to focus on something ahead of you, rather than what you’ve lost. So pick an alternative path, now you know this isn’t for you, and focus on that, instead. Turn the negative into a positive. Good luck.

Post # 58
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Oh no, don’t do an online certificate course!!!  Those require so much discipline because there isn’t anything to keep you accountable except yourself!  I recently did an online certification course and it was hard to keep on track, I was so tired after work and so it sucked to have to study on my own.  And I don’t even have an issue with procrastination.

I would say to find a job, literally any job and run with it, see where it takes you, you just never know!  The industry I work in now is like 100% not what I thought I’d be doing.  My first professional job wasn’t in something I wanted to do forever, just needed a decent job, and it brought me to my current job – which is in the same industry but totally different than my first job.

I wanted to go into medicine, like really badly, and I still sometimes wish I could have.  I almost failed out of university after my 2nd year because of bipolar, but I was able to appeal and was on probation for a year, cleared probation and finished my degree.  My marks in my 4th year of university are the only ones I’m proud of but the rest of my degree marks are crap so there was no way I’d ever get accepted into medicine.

Sometimes you need to let things go.  You never know what connections or experiences you might have in a job that will take you on a new path.  So get a job!!!!!!!! 🙂

For what it’s worth, I love the new path I’m on, it is much better for me and it is so exciting because I don’t know where I’ll end up really…

 

Post # 59
Member
888 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

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Jacqui90:  I’m sorry, but I have to…

Your psychiatrist says the procrastination isn’t your fault. Ok, I get that you have anxiety and that it makes things difficult for you. But do you honestly, truly believe that procrastination isn’t your fault? Has your psychiatrist ever suggested working on changing your behavior? Are you actually taking steps to solve this issue? Are you making a real, tangible effort to stop the procrastination?

I know some people are already hating me for this, but what I’m posting here is only a tiny fraction of what I’m thinking. Otherwise I’d probably get kicked off the website. That’ll probably happen one of these days anyway…

Post # 60
Member
47436 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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Jacqui90:  How many courses were you taking at university Jacqui?

Were you carrying a full course load?

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