Post # 1
Hello bees! I am a middle school teacher, and one of my coworkers is engaged! She will be getting married in June. We share the same students. They really want to throw her a bridal shower. I complete support and love this idea, but I could use some help from you guys. Here’s what I have so far:
Date will be a Friday.
Time will be right after school in a spare classroom we can reserve. (So free!)
The classroom has a kitchen, so the students want to bake the cupcakes/cake for the party, and bring appetizers and drinks. I will do this with them the day of the party. We have a sub that can cover me, and admins that will let me do this.
I have decorations I can borrow from my church, and the students can make any additional ones.
For a gift, I’m going to have each student make a page for a book of “Advice for a Wife” for the teacher, and “Advice for Ms. Such-and-Such’s Husband” for her fiance. I will compile this book.
Since they are middle schoolers, they will be very into the games! I’m thinking of “Who Knows Ms. Such-and-Such Best: Her Students or Her Fiance?” with me having gotten answers from her fiance ahead of time, and the toilet paper wedding dress game.
I have a core group of about ten who want to plan this with me, so I’m planning on asking for donations of food and drinks from them/their parents. Ideally, this will cost me around $100.
Here’s my questions:
Do you see any holes in my plans?
We have about 105 total students. I cannot possibly host them all, but I feel weirdly sexist excluding the boys. How do I solve that? *this is my biggest concern*
Are there any other games you think would go well with a ton of teenagers?
Post # 2
Since it’s a Friday after school I highly doubt they will all want to stay after school anyway but I would guess you probably do have to invite them all.. I think it’s a very cute idea and I think it will be fun. Does he know about it? If it’s a surprise I would have your supervisor email her ahead of time saying there is a mandatory meeting in the room to make sure she is planning to go there.. Good luck with the party!
Post # 3
I can’t decide whether I think this is cute or creepy. How old are middle school students?
Personally I find the advice books odd, being that they’re unmarried children. I also find the “who knows her better” games odd. I think sticking with making toilet paper gowns on each other, and other fun nonsense games would be best. You could DIY up some ‘bouquets’ and do a bouquet toss (in teams, who can throw the furtherest), maybe a silly vow writing game.
I think you really need to work out who wants to come and who doesn’t, and since it’s kids planning for the teacher I wouldn’t exclude the boys. But you need a realistic idea of how many kids want to be a part of this. If you’re going to ask for money, all students attending should pay, not just the ‘core group’ paying for the lot. And how do their parents feel about staying after school to throw a bridal shower for their teacher?
Post # 4
Yeah this is kind of weird. I’m of the camp that teachers should keep their personal lives separate from their students. The asking for money from their parents is also very weird.
Post # 5
scrabbleandllamas : Whilst I think the sentiment is nice, I think the actual reality is not great. I agree with pp that the advice book and who knows best game is an odd and some what inappropriate thing for students, especially young students, to do. I also think a gift giving event like a shower is inappropriate for students to be invloved with.
Here are possible problems that I see-
1. If parents do not want to contribute does that exclude their child? And if not won’t those parents that do contribute feel a bit funny about it?
2. What if students/their parents feel compelled, since it is a shower, to buy a gift? What about those that don’t think about that or can’t afford it? How will the bride feel if Mr & Mrs Smith, Jane Smith’s parents, buy a kitchen aide mixer as a present? I know that would make me feel super uncomfortable.
3. What if the boys feel excluded? Like this is some extra treat just for the females.
I think you should just have a good luck for your big day party that everyone can attend and there is no obligation for presents or games geared to certain sexes.
Post # 6
I’m a high school teacher and I just can’t fathom this. It’s a cute enough idea in theory, and something I can imagine a handful of kids are really jazzed to do, but I think just cupcakes and a keepsake book where kids can write any messages (not just advice) would be significantly more appropriate.
Post # 7
What about having a significantly scaled back event, maybe just that core group that is interested in planning as the only guests?
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek
I agree with PPs. I’m a middle school teacher, and I try my best to keep my personal life private. Some of my kids know I’m engaged/getting married this summer, but if they said they wanted to throw me a shower, I would politely decline. Just thinking about partying with my 12-year-old students makes me feel weird.
If you and your kids really want to do this, I agree with a PP that you should keep it to the kids making a cake/cupcakes and writing messages to her (like a yearbook). I’d just bring some soda/juice, cups, plates, and forks. Make the event short (no longer than an hour). I can’t even think of a game that would be appropriate to play with middle schoolers that could also be wedding-related…
Post # 8
For a game, you could have them play the game where you make a wedding dress/veil out of a roll of toilet paper and tape.
I have a 7th grader and this is a little weird to me. But at the same time I guess its harmless. One of my daughter’s teachers is getting married this June and although she likes the teacher, I can’t imagine she would ever attend a shower for her.
Post # 9
Some clarification: my school is much more loose with what we share with students than any other school I’ve been at. We’re a very hippie crunchy school that is very big on its whole “parents, students, and teachers are all a community” thing. Parents will not find this odd- students have had baby showers for their teachers before here. I’ve now been so enmeshed in my weird school that I forget that at literally any other school I’ve worked at, this might be seen as really strange.
When I say ask for donations, I don’t mean actual money. I’m thinking more potluck food donations, which we’ve done quite frequently for school events. No students would ever be excluded for not bringing a donation. The only gift that will be given is the books- students will not be given registry information.
Post # 11
I’m a teacher and I always always always err on the side of caution with personal business like this…even if the school climate is more lax, even if the school is a community. I know too many teachers who have been burned because of getting too close with students and/or families in their school My school is small and absolutely a tight-knit community, but I still distance myself. I even bent my “no parents or students on Facebook” rule and accepted a few parents’ friend requests last year (other teachers have dozens of parents so I can’t use the “it’s against policy” excuse). Now my social media is locked down pretty tightly so no one can find me…
The thing is as a teacher you HAVE to be careful. Things can be misconstrued and often are. I get it, you want to to help the students celebrate their teacher’s upcoming wedding…but don’t make this bigger than it has to be. Maybe have an “open house” for an hour where students who want to stop by can, and they sign a book of well-wishes. Have cake and punch, MAYBE a game.
Post # 12
I don’t think it is a good idea the “who knows her better” game. 7th graders can be inappropriate and that is just inviting some awkward statements (especially from the boys who think its funny or cool to make sex-like jokes). I agree with the team competition games like make a dress, maybe a cupcake decorating game, bouquet toss is such a cute idea, you could do a pin the ring/veil/boutineer on a picture of the bride or groom. Instead of a large book with marriage advice from people who haven’t had a relationship before, maybe a large card that the kids can sign, or a “what makes you a great person” book where they compliment the teacher. Another game could be to list wedding or bride things in pop culture – like a jeopardy game. You could have bride/groom pairs like prince charming and cinderalla or something similar. It’s a cute idea, just a little tweaking may be helpful.