(Closed) Miffed at a friend

posted 12 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1656 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I have a friend like that where you just never get back what you give in to the relationship. It sucks because you aren’t giving to the friendship in order to receive later, but one would assume the person would want to do for you as you wanted to do for her. It’s dissapointing when you find out that you are giving 100% to the friendship and the other person is giving like 10%. I’m sorry she won’t be there for you 🙁

Post # 19
Member
820 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

That sucks. Could there be something else going on?

I have a friend (I’m totally not supposed to know about this but whatever…) they’ve been trying to have a baby for a while and while they just bought & renovated their place the cost of the fertility process & meds is really starting to hit them. Another friend gave me the heads up because I doubt my friend will be coming to our wedding.

 

Post # 20
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

We have run into some of this too. FI’s one friend got married two years ago and that year we went to his 30th Bday party (which everyone had to chip in for, drinks weren’t free), fathers funeral which was a long drive away from the city and his wedding where we had to drive, get a hotel, buy a gift, etc. They immediately declined our wedding invitation without any kind of email or phone call apology. I was pissed because the time/money/effort we spent on them and absolutely none made for us.

We also had a lot of other people decline immediately whose weddings we attended and I was upset about that.

Post # 21
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Does her friendship mean enough to you to talk to her about this?  I would suggest writing down how you feel to her, then waiting a day or two and re-read what you wrote.  If you still feel the same, then send her your letter and explain that you feel that your friendship is not being reciprocated.  Really important though, do not attack her, because that will put her on the defensive.  Most important is that you approach this situation with love.  Let her know how much it would mean to you to have her there, and that mostly, it hurts, because she is not making it to your wedding, when you went through so much to make it to hers.

Post # 22
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee

Well, THAT’s a different story then. If she came up to 3 weddings in your area the previous summer and is not coming to yours then I could see how it could be hurtful. Is it safe to assume that she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your wedding (even though you were in hers)?

Guess it could boil down to the fact that maybe you guys aren’t as close as you once were. After all, she isn’t a Bridesmaid or Best Man in your wedding whereas you were in her bridal party 5 years ago. Sorry you are feeling this way… just don’t hold it against her.

Just to give you a heads up, some of our close friends may not be able to make it to our wedding. Sure, it does suck that they can’t make it but in no way would I ever be upset or angry that they couldn’t make it (even if I attended their weddings in the past).

Post # 23
Member
1652 posts
Bumble bee

I agree with Cantwait.  Maybe you can calmly just express that you’re hurt, and why.  But maybe try to ask her firt, what’s up?  She sounded liek she was excited until very recently…

Post # 24
Member
1351 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Forgive but don’t forget.

Like others have said, you never know someone’s financial story. However, if she has been traveling back and forth for other events, I would be really annoyed too. Remember her actions when something comes up in her life (future baby shower?).

To be honest, I would feel hurt too. But you’ll have so much other amazing things going on that day (and days leading up), just don’t even worry about it!

Post # 25
Member
1972 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I don’t think it’s a sign that she doesn’t care about you are your wedding.  I just say what some of the other bee’s have said, try to give her the benefit of the doubt.  My BFF of almost 20 years didn’t make it to my wedding when she had nearly a year’s notice to save, but you know what?  Sometimes life gets in the way.  Maybe your wedding isn’t the only one she has to attend.  Maybe she has a sibling or a closer friend who’s wedding she had to choose over yours.  Maybe they are way up to their ears in debt and no matter how much she wants to attend, financially it’s impossible.  Also, you said she’s been married 5 years.  As a single gal, I know I didn’t consult with anyone before I made a decision.  But now that I am married, that changes everything with my finances.  For larger purchases (such as what it would cost to go to a wedding in another state), I would check in w/ the hubs.  There are so many valid and legitimate reasons as to why she can’t make it and while it would be nice for her to offer an explanation, she’s not obligated to.

Post # 26
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2010

ella, let me tell you what.. i am in a very similar situation… i feel like i could have written that post… the only difference is my “C” is also a co-worker who flaunts her spending on $600 purses and vacations and clothes… i hear you girl.  it hurts.  sometimes people just let us down.  but in the end, you have to not let it get in the way of this special time in your life.  remember to focus on the family, friends, and your wonderful fiance who love you and would do anything to be there for you on the most important day of your life so far.  hang in there 🙂

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