Post # 1
So I guess you can take me off the waiting list.
My boyfriend who has expressed the desire to marry me since month three is now unsure about the status of our relationship.
I knew he was depressed – he takes medicine for it – but I never thought that he was doubting us. I asked him over and over again, and he swore we were fine. But we’re not. I’m trying my best to work through this – took off work tomorrow so we can talk about things. For now he wants to work things out, but isn’t sure if he can with the depression. I’m spending the weekend with friends. This is so completely, out of the blue, I have no idea what to do. I’m lost.
But, it is certainly safe to say that I’m off the waiting list. Thank you ladies for all your kind words and suppport – I truly thought it would work.
Post # 3
And our two year anniversary was yesterday. I thought we might get engaged. Fuck my life. I don’t know what to do.
Post # 5
It’s okay to feel crappy right now but as cliche as it sounds, you will be fine! He’ll either change his mind or fade out of your life. Whichever way it is, look forward to the future since now you can move on without him!
Post # 6
I just can’t stop crying. We live together, share a dog, finances, everything. I want us to work so bad, and he claims he does too, but it seems like everything he’s had bottled up has come out at once. I can’t handle this, I’m losing my shit.
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2015 - Backyard
Is something going on with him that’s making him so stressed? Perhaps he wants the engagement period to be more enjoyable (for both of you) and wants to wait until things are better in order / he gets a handle on his depression.
It’s one thing if he is not ready to propose right now, it’s another for him to not know if he wants to marry you. He can know you’re the one, and that he wants to marry you but wants to wait a while before taking the next step. I would make sure you are both clear on where he stands with that before jumping to any conclusions. Proposals can be overwhelming for guys and when we bring it up too often and act disappointed it can make it feel like more of a chore for them.
If it makes you feel any better, my boyfriend told me after 2 years that he wasn’t 100% sure about getting married and that he wanted more time to make sure things were 100% right. His previous relationship really wrecked him and he wanted to take things slow with me. After 4 years, he now knows he wants to marry me (still waiting due to logistical reasons, but I’d say at about year 3 we had mutually agreed on a plan to marry in the future). So some people might just take more time, and had I pressured him too much at that 2 year mark it likely would have put him off a bit.
Anyways, big hugs, and good luck tomorrow.
Post # 8
Take this as a signal for what’s to come if you don’t break up. He isnt happy with things and it’s also making you miserable. It’s not just the depression though I think he is trying to say he doesn’t want what he once wanted.
Post # 9
@redroses76: Thank you, I can only hope that’s the case. He went off his anti-anxienty / antidepressant meds a little over two months ago, then about three weeks ago told me he was sad and went back on them. I knew something was off, I just knew it, but he claimed that it was only work related and that he was really miserable with his job. I was trying so hard to get him out of his funk, but I guess it just wasn’t good enough. He can’t even explain what’s wrong, fully. He wants to work it out, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up. Either way, I’m crushed.
@Irish-bride: I completely get that. We talked a lot tonight, and I told him if he felt pressured that I would stop all marriage talk completely, and I meant it. He said it’s not just that, but in general he’s depressed and can’t figure out why. I thought if anything I’d be able to help with that, but I guess I was wrong. Shows how much I fucking know. I don’t know anything anymore.
Post # 10
Hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs.
All I can say is I am SO sorry. I’m not sure what the best thing to do here is, but I think it would benefit you both to have some space for a while. Use the time apart to re-evaluate your relationship. It sounds like he has more on his mind, but you need to also decide if you still want to stay in this relationship since you two are on different pages. If y’all stay together, it sounds like you are going to have to be the one to totally change your expectations for your future to meet his. That’s a tough thing to do.
Maybe he needs to go back to his doctor and get his meds adjusted?
I really hope things work out for you two, but if they don’t, that means there is someone else out there just perfect for you.
Post # 11
@AllieANT: Thank you, I will talk to him about perhaps going to the doctor to get his meds adjusted. We are just so perfect for each other – he swears up, down, all around that I’ve done nothing wrong, it’s all him. I just don’t know anymore. My heart is breaking.
Post # 12
@readynwaiting58: Sweety if he is telling you it’s not you and that it’s him and that he still wants to work things out…then you have nothing to worry about. Just give him a bit of space, but let him know that you’re there. I know what it’s like to get into those funks and not know why I’m feeling that way :/ Don’t feel like whatever you did to try to take him out of the funk good enough, it’s not you!! Trust me!! Depression just sucks that way! it makes you feel crummy and everyone else around you feel crummy cus you feel crummy! Is this the 1st time you have actually seen him depressed since you guys have been together? Maybe it will pass :/ Hang in there girl! hope you feel better!
Post # 14
@readynwaiting58: I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. It takes a lot of strength and grace to face a situation like this. I hope you can gather up your strength and be sure that just as you didn’t cause his depression, you can’t fix his depression. Once his meds even him out (3 weeks isn’t long enough for them to take really take full effect, but it IS long enought for him to assume they have taken effect), he’ll be in a much better position to discuss your relationship. Be patient, give him some grace, and BE NICE TO YOURSELF. Overall, take care of yourself first. You’ll be in a better position to be patient and understanding. When he is feeling a bit better, then you can discuss your future. Best wishes for a beautiful outcome, and much love if it doesn’t go as desired.
Post # 15
You’ll make it through, no matter what happens. My SO has OCD and, while not depression, I know its hard to understand whats going on in someones head that has these types of things. Sometimes, you just cant understand…but you DO understand that the person is important to you and that you are not going to run away because it’s hard. You should let him know this…that, while you cant know what is going through, you are there for him and wont leave just because he is going through some tough times. Maybe showing him that you can be there through thick and thin, and giving him the time he needs to think and get through this, will help?
Post # 16
Hugs! I know this is hard on you, im sorry.
Based on everything he has expressed to you your relationship may not be over for good. Depression is a very complicated very difficult thing. I dont think you should take any of this too personally yet. He definitely needs to see his doctor and have his meds reevaluated for effectiveness he also needs to start seeing a counsellor to provide him with tools and techniques for coping. If you really love him (and im sure you do) just be there for him as much as you can and please take care of yourself too and dont take personally what is happening with him as a reflection on you. With a little patience from you (meds and counselling for him) maybe you two can get your relationship back on the right track.
Good luck, hope everything works out.