Post # 61
- Wedding: May 2020 - City, State
To the OP, I’m sorry you’re going through this.
To everyone else, I hope you’re all going to vote for single-payer healthcare / Medicare for All. A person should not have to decide between getting married and not get married just to access medication.
Post # 62
It’s been my experience that people with autism (esp Asperger’s) are honest to a fault, which has made for some interesting moments in my life. It wouldn’t even occur to them to dissimulate.
Post # 63
Stay on your medicine even if it means forgoing getting married, seriously it’s a pain to go off a med and onto a new one. It seems like you’re hyper focusing on the sex aspect of marriage, I don’t know if that might be related to your autism or not, but as someone who is neurotypical, sex shouldn’t be a priority right now (your mental health should be).
As for Latuda, typically patents expire in 10 years (although some can be longer), seeing how Latuda was approved in 2010 that means it would’ve expired this year, however the patent has been extended one year: https://www.reuters.com/article/ip-patent-latuda/appeals-court-upholds-patent-on-depression-drug-latuda-idUSL1N1RV010
IMO stay on Latuda, see what your options are for healthcare and hold off on marriage if you would have to switch.
Post # 64
- Wedding: April 2021 - City, State
sunburn : That is true, but a lot of high functioning people desire to fit in too and wish they were “normal” and try to mask their autisticness which is why I was lying and if they do lie, they are terrible liers which with me, well, I eventually had to admit the truth eventually because I couldn’t take keeping up with the lie I made
Post # 65
ladyspectrum : it’s still a choice though. I have Asperger’s and yes I used to lie as a kid to try and get or keep friends but it never worked anyway and I hated doing it.
I’m trying to be more me now and yes am honest to a fault and blunt with it, but I feel much better that way. As an adult you have a choice whether to lie or not regardless of autism. Autism isn’t an excuse to lie. You’ve seen here that lying eventually will catch you out, so I suggest you find an alternative way to try to make friends and be accepted by neurotypicals if that’s what you want.
For me personally, I like the amount of socialising on the bee that I have even though I still feel like things get lost in translation. In real life I prefer not to socialise because I always get it wrong and don’t find it worth the effort of trying to get it right. But if it matters to you, you could talk with an autism charity about local autistic meet ups where you can socialise with other aspies, or you could ask for advice on how to make and keep friends without lying.
Post # 66
- Wedding: April 2021 - City, State
botanistbee : I mean, to be honest, I don’t have a lot of friends in real life. Most of my socialization is through the internet. I really wish I have more friends, but I work on weekends when most people are free and I can never spend time with people. I try to make friends, but they mostly fizzle out because we can never get together because of my schedule. I just don’t have a lot of time for people.
The only friends I really have are people online in a chatroom that I talk to and we play online games together, but yeah, that is it. They are just internet friends that I voice chat with a lot.
Post # 67
sunburn : that is generally the case for boys but I think in girls it’s more complicated from what I’ve read about it. It seems that girls and women have more complex social structures starting at adolescence and can lose their sense of self if they desperately want to fit in because of all the lies and untruths.
I lied as a kid but I think that’s normal for all kids? Don’t know. But certainly is not the way to be accepted by people as OP has hopefully learned from this thread. Thankfully because this is the internet and not real life she can decide to try something different in her real life interactions. But essentially all social interactions are trial and error, although mostly error for me!
Post # 68
Bee, do you have a chapter of The Arc or a Center for Independent Living in your area? These are organizations that help people with disabilities navigate questions like the ones you’re asking here. Each chapter of The Arc and each Center for Independent Living offers slightly different services, but I think many of them could help you. Also, each state has a Protection and Advocacy Center, a non-profit law firm that offers free legal services to people with disabilities. you can find them by googling Disability Rights New York or Disability Rights California or whatever your state is. If you can’t find them, call the National Disability Rights Network, and they will connect you with the Protection and Adovocacy group in your state. One of these organizations will be able to help you far more than any of us here can help.
Post # 69
sunburn : Well, that’s nice for you that you’ve had that experience. But now you’ve had a new experience with yet another person on the spectrum, and her behavior is unique because she’s an entirely different person than the oh-soooo-many people on the spectrum with whom you’ve had the pleasure.
Your comments have nothing to do with the issue at hand and are altogether shitty. Sit down.
Post # 70
ladyspectrum : I like to tell my students about the Fart Rule. The Fart Rule is that when you are sitting in a room and you fart, it can be really embarrassing and everyone turns to look at you. You want to disappear. You think about it all day. Then the next day you remember it, and you might keep remembering it and keep being embarrassed. But guess what? All the other people in the room looked at you, thought, “gross, a fart”, and then forgot about it 5 minutes later.
You have to remember the Fart Rule when you are on the internet. You might feel like people are making fun of you or that you need to fit in with them, but I promise you that after 5 minutes none of those people are thinking about you. You might be still thinking about what they said, but they are thinking about what they want for dinner and what show they want to watch on Netflix.
For your situation, you need assistance that we can’t give you, because you need to talk to someone that knows your medical situation, benefits, and finances in full. You need someone to turn to so that you can ask them questions instead of getting information off of the internet, because the answers someone would give you can’t be the same as they would give another person. You need information tailored to your situation.
As far as sex goes, everyone is different. You don’t like to be touched, and you don’t seem interested in sex except as something to do. Your fiance isn’t interested in sex. But a lot of people also don’t want to have sex. Some people only want to have sex with someone they love. Some people only want to have sex with people they don’t love. Some people want to have sex with lots of people, some people want to have sex with one person. There are many different preferences, you are not alone, and please don’t force yourself to do something because you feel you need to. You don’t need to do anything you don’t want to do.
Post # 71
That’s not been my experience with Aspies. I have known some to tell bald faced lies without a blink to avoid conflict.
Post # 72
have you applied for REM?
Post # 73
As Dr. Stephen Shore says, “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”
Post # 74
- Wedding: April 2021 - City, State
Hey guys, just an update. My boss because of my perfect scores on my reviews invited me to participate in a manager in training program which upon successful completion I will get promoted to manager. This means that my pay will increase significantly and I will be on salary. As a result, I will probably get kicked off Medicaid anyways.
I talked to my mother about it and she told me she wasn’t expected Medicaid to be a permanent thing and she would help me with any medical expenses that I need to be. Also, I remembered I have a discount card for my Latuda back when I was on my parent’s insurance which I can use to cover all of my copay which I do plan on using once I get kicked off Medicaid. But yeah, it doesn’t matter if I get married because once I get promoted to manager, I will be kicked off anyways.
Post # 75
ladyspectrum : Well, that is good news for the short term. I hope that doesn’t stop you from long-term planning what you will be doing for health insurance and co-pay costs and researching alternative means of caring for yourself in case of job loss or parental death. Hopefully, knowing that you may likely need assistance long-term in adulthood your parents set up some kind of trust or insurance policy in case of their deaths. However, if not, then that means your well-being is dependent on their well being. They could die in a car accident tomorrow. They could be diagnosed with cancer or have a stroke and unable to work for an extended period of time and need their own money to cover their own medical costs. Or they could live to 100 and whatever money they set aside for you could end up needing to go for their own care and living costs, particularly if they have long-term medical issues (nursing home care is ridiculously expensive).
So you still need to be aware of what everything costs, have appropriate savings, and be aware of your alternatives (such as can you go on your future husband’s insurance if need be or if you get insurance through your work and he doesn’t can you afford to add him to your plan)? Make sure you are still working on your own Plan B.