MIL acted super weird when we announced we’re engaged

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’m sorry she had such a bad reaction during such an exciting time for you! Honestly she was probably just shocked and maybe didn’t realize that she came across as rude. If she doesn’t like you then that’s her issue, and isn’t something you should think too much about. I’d just brush it aside and focus on celebrating with your other friends and family!

Post # 3
Member
960 posts
Busy bee

Give her some time.. she’s probably tryin to process the fact that her baby has grown so big. How was your relationship with her like previously?

Post # 4
Member
12119 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

If I was your Fiance I would be speaking to my mother and telling her that her reaction was disappointing and hurtful. Not to so much as congratulate you was rude.  Does he have any insight? 

Post # 5
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I’m sorry, that’s a bummer. Have you asked your Fiance about it? I know where you’re coming from. My mom is usually supportive and we are pretty close, but when I told her, I didn’t quite get the reaction I was expecting. It was kind of disappointing, but I know her personality, and she’s not the type to jump for joy about anything, so I brushed it off. 

 

Don’t let it sour such a great time in your life! You guys have been together for a long time, it seems like you’re pretty solid. Be confident in your decision, and I would just keep the planning talk to a minimum around her. If she’s not happy or excited about it, then she doesn’t have to be a part of it! 

Post # 6
Member
6602 posts
Bee Keeper

Maybe they thought since you guys moved apart that you weren’t serious? Did he tell them he was planning on proposing? If not, it might have been a little “out of the blue” for them. 

I wouldn’t give it much thought either way though. Congrats! 

Post # 7
Member
379 posts
Helper bee

She probably does not like you but that probably has nothing to do with you or anything you did. You will never be good enough for her son because no one ever will be.  If she has concerns about you, she should raise them with her son instead of being passive-aggressive towards you.  Her response to the news was rude and it sounds like you were gracious despite the circumstances.  

Congratulations!

Post # 8
Member
875 posts
Busy bee

7 years together and you felt awkward about telling his parents? Sounds like there’s some negative history there or his mom is just a rude bitch. 

 

Post # 9
Member
87 posts
Worker bee

Try to blow it off if you can.  Sometimes surprise announcements are weird. When we told my Mother-In-Law that we were expecting baby #3, she basically said  1)  that’s going to be a lot of work, and 2) I was hoping to take the family to Disney but this is going to change those plans.

OMG.  And she’s normally such a good MIL!!   It was not her best moment in MIL-ing.   

It happens, get on with it.   If she’s mean in other situations, then you should talk to your Fiance about it, but let a little awkwardness go. 

Congrats and best wishes!!

 

ETA: She may have been confused and trying to puzzle together how you two will handle the distance stuff.  

Post # 10
Member
379 posts
Helper bee

What did the Fiance say about his mom’s reaction?

Post # 11
Member
439 posts
Helper bee

I wouldn’t read into it too much. We also had a slightly strange reaction. 

Background: I get along very well with my future Mother-In-Law. My fiancé is extremely close to his mother (talk almost every day). He kept the ring/proposal a secret from everyone, but especially from his mom because she is a total blabbermouth and can never keep any confidences. 

Fiancé proposed to me as a surprise during a trip to France. We didn’t have a phone plan that covered international phone or data plan, so we were communicating with home via text with “wi-fi calling” (free calls and texts from many countries  when connected to wi-fi with iPhone on ATT). So we texted a picture of our hands with my new ring to his mom thinking she would immediately spread the word to the whole family and save us from having to contact everyone.

Strangly by the next morning we had received no response from her, so he texted again to make sure she received it. She was acting very strange and said something like she wasn’t sure we wanted her to share anything with anyone or wait to tell them ourselves. REALLY? You tell everyone everything and this is what you decide not to share? And why not even respond to us with any congratulations?

When we returned from the trip I was so terribly ill that I don’t know how exactly she was reacting with fiancé, but by the time I did see/speak to her several weeks later, all was just fine and she was happy for us. 

Post # 12
Member
6171 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

That’s a very weird reaction. I’m also curious about what your Fiance said? Also- I’m not sure why you jumped straight to- she doesn’t like you. Has there been any other indication in past exchangees that she doesn’t like you? The facts are- you told her you were engaged. She responded in a way that you felt was strange and not supportive. That is all that you know happened. You weren’t in her head, don’t make up stories about what happened there.

Are you going to not marry her son because she didn’t say congratulations right away? Because unles that’s what you’re considering (and I hope it isn’t), then talk with him, get it off your chest that it hurt and upset you that her reaction was what it was and then move forward.

Post # 13
Member
164 posts
Blushing bee

Could she possibly have just been concerned that her son might be moving states away?

Post # 14
Member
299 posts
Helper bee

I am honestly expecting this reaction from my future Mother-In-Law when my SO and i get engaged. I have almost planned for her to not be excited. Its not that she doesnt like me, but she seems unable to recognize that her sons are grown men now and i think getting engaged will really solidify in her mind that he is moving onwards. I think she may even see it as a loss of sorts and it will just be a shock and an adjustment period. This is vastly different from how my parents will react. 

Maybe yours is a similar situation. Could be particularly bothersome if your used to having very supportive and warm parents who have always rooted for your relationship. Isnt your Fiance concerned about their reaction? Ask him to touch base with them about it or just drop it alltogether. Dont let it ruin your excitement though!

Post # 15
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017 - The Lodge at Little Seneca Creek

Maybe she’s nervous that the two of you will be living in different states, even after you get married, so she was more curious about how that would work. Did your Fiance not mention to your Future In-Laws that he was going to propose? If not, they probably weren’t prepared for the news, and maybe your Future Mother-In-Law was caught off guard and didn’t know how to respond. I’m not sure. I always respond awkwardly to news that I’m not expecting and then kick myself for being rude/weird later on.

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors