MIL acted super weird when we announced we’re engaged

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
599 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I remember when I told my Mother-In-Law I was pregnant.  She said Oh no you’re pregnant?  

She didn’t mean it like it sounded, well maybe she did, but she was supportive and doting, in her way.  She loves me and her grandkids.

Sometimes things are a shock and we’re not sure what to say.  When my daughter came out as Bi I shrugged and said “okay”.  She felt bad, said it was a big deal and I wasn’t reacting.  I felt like it wasn’t a big deal at all because it didn’t change anything. 

Her life isn’t going to change much with your marriage, but she was possibly thinking about who she’s going to tell, when she’s going to be a grandmother, what is expected of her, if she’s going to be a good Mother-In-Law (it’s a fine line)

I wouldn’t take it personally.

Post # 18
Member
198 posts
Blushing bee

Sometimes families are strange. When we told my future Mother-In-Law we were engaged, she react about as positively as if we had said we were buying a new sofa. It was like “oh, that’s nice”… which seemed very underwhelming for the situation. Now she’s talking about possible grandkids and becoming a grandmother etc. Sometimes it just takes a little time to adjust to the fact that your babies are older, and so are you.

Post # 19
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Meh – this sounds exactly like what I got with ex-FMIL. Ex-Fi had taken me away for the weekend and we rang his parents almost straight away. His mom’s first words were ‘Well I suppose it was going to happen eventually’ in accusing tone. No congratulations at all. I suspected all along that she didn’t like me but ex-Fi thought nothing of it until 4 months later when she explicitly told us that she didn’t like me.

 

Post # 20
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

Ewwww, so rude! I’m sorry that was her reaction. Has your fiancé talked to her?

My sister and I had been talking about how my fiancé had ordered the ring and was waiting for it to arrive. We talked about how I knew it was going to happen soon and she seemed excited about it, too. But when it happened, I simply posted a picture of it on my hand and texted her that we had gotten engaged at a restaurant we both really liked during lunch after finishing Christmas shopping (12/22/17).

She texted, “oh?! how did he do it?” I told her how, and then . . . nothing. For about a day until she texted about my brother, whom I haven’t spoken to in 9 years, wanting my phone number. I then brought up that I felt it was a weird response. A big argument ensued that led her to calling me a “bridezilla.”

She claims it was stress of baking 5 different types of cookies for the holidays with her boyfriend, but she never apologized. I got birthday lunch with her a few weeks later, but she acted like nothing had ever happened. *shrug* I just don’t really take her seriously anymore. 🙄

Post # 21
Member
1173 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - City, State

pepperzo1 :  try not to let it get to you, we got no acknowledgmenet from my fiances folks *shrug*

Post # 22
Member
587 posts
Busy bee

Where do you and your Fiance live compared to future MIL? My guess is she knows you were looking to buy a house in the state that you are located in and is worried that your Fiance will move to where you and the house are (and away from her). 

 

Post # 23
Member
2623 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

It sounds like something is bothering her. It’s possible she doesn’t like you, or maybe she had asked her son to tell her before he proposed, or maybe she had some desire to help plan the proposal or pick out a ring or something, but her son never told her. It may not be related to you, but the situation in general.

Post # 24
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve done this (been a new MIL) twice and you will not have a clue about how awkward the experience is until you live it. 

AND – I love BOTH of my DILS.

I really truly HONESTLY can’t see anything that I could think of as “weird” about her reaction.

If you plan to think that you’ll feel “awkward and horrible forever”, you may want to consider making your own personal effort to avoid this self fulfilling observation

I don’t recall saying anywelcoming or congratulatory words, but I felt them, each time.

Changing the family dynamic can maybe be more complex for a new Mother-In-Law, but just as sweet in the long run.

Post # 27
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

Very weird, I would almost wonder if she heard what you said or not. What did your fiance say about it? 

Post # 28
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

Oh sorry, typed the comment before I saw your update. Sorry to hear that she does not like you, she seems not nice. 

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