Post # 1
I am here for a vent and possibly some advice! My Mother-In-Law is still friends with my husbands ex and while I am not in a position to tell her who she can be friends with, some of the things she does feel underhand and a bit……icky!
I have been with my husband for 6 years and married for 1. Before we met, my husband was in a 10 year relationship from the age of 20. They purchased a house together and a dog but never got engaged or married or had children. My husband felt that there was never any real issues but after 10 years together they grew apart/fell out of love. He ultimately ended the relationship and brought her half of the house. While the split was amicable, his ex struggled to move on.
We met 3 years after the split. It slowly became apparent that his Mother-In-Law was still friends with his ex and would openly talk about meeting in front of me. My HB told me that before we met, he told his mum that he found it weird and felt that as his ex was struggling to move on that she should see her less/cut ties. They fell out for a long time about this as she refused.
While I don’t see his ex as a threat and don’t care if they still socialise, some of things she does weird me out a bit. The dog that my HB and his ex got together is now my dog but my Mother-In-Law takes my dog to visit her and vice versa. I wouldn’t mind but she’s underhand and doesn’t consult my HB or myself but does this when she’s dog sitting. I found this completely by accident when his ex posted about our dog on Facebook and my sister saw it when a mutual friend commented on the post. His mum also gives me a mother’s day card and flowers each year from the dog and gets the same flowers and ‘mum’ card for his ex! She also asked if she could take the dog to some dog socialising classes when we were at work. She then came home and told HB that she was going with his ex and he then told her she couldn’t take the dog.
The ex still tried to give HB a birthday card each year which she leaves at his mums. HB contacted her and told her to stop. The next bday she still sent a card but his mum mixed it in with his family cards and he opened it while I was there. I pretended I hadn’t noticed and when I didn’t react she asked him to read it out!
She also came to dinner at my house with a bottle of champagne. She said it was given to them but they wouldn’t drink it alone and put it in our fridge until dinner. When I took it out it had a personalised label and was a gift from HB and Ex from years ago! Again I ignored it. At then end of the meal I cleared and put it in the bin and she came out and got it back out as she wanted to ‘keep the label’ 😂
Other than this, there are no issues and we get on fine but I do sometimes feel that I hold back slightly because of this behaviour and even feel at times that she wishes they had stayed together.
It’s clear that HBs feelings don’t matter in this and she’s even fell out with Father-In-Law over this as he agrees with HB. I’m a believer in addressing our own parents when there are issues but what would you do? Do I continue to ignore or do I say something?
Post # 2
Ugh, that is so frustrating! I’m sorry you’re going through this! Personally, I feel like you have taken the best approach here which is just to ignore it and let your husband deal with it. If you react or confront her about it, that’s what she wants. Clearly everyone in the family has asked her to stop and she’s not going to so just continue to ignore it. If she doesn’t get a reaction, hopefully she’ll get bored and stop.
I know it’s easier said than done, especially when you just want to scream at her to leave it alone! But just continue to ignore it and act like it doesn’t bother you.
Post # 3
thanks! Sometimes it feels so petty that it feels like I’m going crazy! They’ve nearly been split up longer than they were together! 😂
Post # 4
This would bother me. You say you met him 3 years after they broke up and you’ve been together for 6 now. Which means, 9 years later and this woman still hasn’t let go? And his mother is enabling it. I wouldn’t let her watch your dog anymore, for starters. And honestly, I don’t think I’d want her (MIL) around me either. You have every right to be weirded out by this….because it isn’t normal!
Post # 5
honestly! I mean my HB is cute but not ‘it takes 9 years to get over’ cute!
Ive considered not letting her dog sit but I’d be punishing the dog as much as her! He’d need to go in kennels which stresses him out! I actually don’t even mind the ex visiting when the dog is there……it’s more how underhand it is. I presume it’s because she knows what my husband will say!
Post # 6
The only thing I can say is the Mother-In-Law herself hasn’t gotten over the breakup. These are small, insidious acts that you think make you look crazy if you say them out loud to other people. You are neither crazy or petty bee!
Mother-In-Law is stomping all over the boundaries DH is trying to set and there needs to be consequences for those violations….maybe like cutting her off again and hiring a sitter or dog walker.
Bright side??? It actually might stop if you two decide to have children.
Post # 7
I almost feel bad for the ex, as Mother-In-Law is sort of stringing her along and enabling her to not move on! That being said, ex needs to get a life and move on from your husband and the dog. And Mother-In-Law needs to get a life even more and find a hobby or some shit because meddling in your son’s life/marriage by sneakily incorporating his ex is just mean to all parties involved. Im sorry bee! This sucks. Tell your husband that if she won’t stop with this shit, you don’t want to see her as much.
Post # 8
That’s seriously cuckoo cachoo of your Mother-In-Law. This poor ex is being strung along by your Mother-In-Law of all people. She’s probably filling her head with false hope that someday they may get back together. I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s petty at all, but instead very nasty of your Mother-In-Law to do this to you, your H, and his ex. It benefits literally no one. I have no good advice, as it sounds like neither the Mother-In-Law or ex has any interest in listening to your feelings or your husband’s. No matter what, any confrontation should come from your husband though, not you.
Post # 9
- Wedding: July 2021 - British Columbia, Canada
You are zen goals. Kudos to you for keeping your cool!
Post # 10
LOL I know Bee – so chill! I think you have the right attitude. She’s like an annoying wasp. It’s best to just ignore her..if you start swatting, you’ll only get her and yourself in a tizz. Hopefully she’ll get bored and fly away..
Post # 11
Thanks bees. I appreciate the feedback and the validation that I am not some petty, territorial weirdo! I think the only thing we can do at this point is wait for the next ‘occurance’ so the conversation is current and ask HB to revisit with her.
Ill continue to be calm and collected in the meantime 😂