- 4 years ago
- Wedding: December 2011
This post is going to be long so I apologize in advance. I am not writing this to bash my Mother-In-Law I just need advice and ways to help my husband with some issues we are having since things between my husband and his mom became ugly over the holidays. My husband has always had an unusual/strained relationship with his mom and he doesn’t really see/spend time with her since he moved out 5 years ago. She is very manipulative, dishonest, passive aggressive, likes drama, and uses drugs. My husband has never touched a drug in his life and is very upset about her drug use in front of him when he does go to visit and in general. I will list things Mother-In-Law did to my husband while he lived with her:
-borrow money from my husband, promise to repay him, and in the end wouldn’t -demand that he watch his 22 year old sisters two kids so sister/MIL could go out clubbing all the while sister didn’t have a job and my husband was working 60+ hrs. a week to save for our home, was super tired when he got off, and just wanted to come to my house to see me -sold my husband a car that (MIL and stepdad claimed to be in great running condition; stepdad is a mechanic) that after a month started breaking down very frequently costing thousands in repairs. We were paying her $300 a month for a 2000 PT cruiser w/ over 100,000 miles for a total selling price of $7,000.00. We went to Mother-In-Law and ask for a price reduction (we both thought the price was high in the beginning but agreed to buy it for $7,000.00 b/c of the supposed great running condition and to help Mother-In-Law out with some money) she denied the request, demanded that we pay full price or she wouldn’t give us the title, and stated that the car ran great while she had it. We ended up paying the full $7,000.00 but having to junk the car because of severe engine problems -MIL ended up giving sister a van free of charge after sister totaled her car while high and not having a job (but wouldn’t give us a break on the price for our PT Cruiser) -MIL would say/do rude/hurtful things to husband then deny or blame other people -Allow 22 year old sister to beat up MIL’s mom (husband and sister’s grandmother) then not do anything about it. Grandma lives w/ Mother-In-Law b/c of health and financial reasons -make rude comments about me and how it was a mistake for husband to marry me even though I never did anything to make her feel this way -use drugs (weed, pills, crack) around my husband even though he stated he was against it. Mother-In-Law would say “well it’s my house so if you don’t like it you can find another place to live!” he stayed in his room most of the duration of him living w/ mom/stepdad but she would get so messed up and come harass him -neglect the family dog (animal control finally came and seized the dog) but this really hurt my husband. Husband tried to care for the dog but Mother-In-Law would never let it come into the house or let husband take it to the vet -hung on, touched, and spoke inappropriately to my husband (not sexually just in a weird way a mom shouldn’t act to a son)
The list of things Mother-In-Law currently does while husband and I live together in our own home:
-called/text excessively most times very early in the morning and late at night just to say things like “I miss you lover” or “Babe you need to come see your mother” and to say hurtful things about me or husband if we don’t respond or come over. She constantly demands that husband “put his family first and go see MIL” even though husband has told her repeatedly we won’t go to her house (we agreed to meet her out in public but she isn’t having it). We spoke to her about the times she was calling/texting asking her to please not call/text so early/late and to not say hurtful things but she wouldn’t stop so we finally had to resort to changing our phone number and not giving it out to any of husband’s family. –since my husband has stopped going over to MIL’s house because of the drugs and abuse she is letting sister continue to do to Grandma, Mother-In-Law will come to husband’s work excessively demanding to talk to him while he is super busy and when he doesn’t, she will follow him around making a scene. She has threatened that she will just show up unannounced at our house (which she has done we just weren’t home; our cameras caught it.) He has ask her to come on his lunch break and to only come if there is something very important she needs to tell him but she hasn’t gotten the hint. We have agreed to see/meet with her and step dad (not sister) at a public place but she always refuses and says we need to come to her house. –refuses to acknowledge that husband and I are married just because husband and I eloped and no one was invited to our wedding. Mother-In-Law will constantly say things to husband like “well you’re single so why can’t you make time for your family and come see me?” -won’t admit she and sister have a drug problem
I could write a hundred paper long list of things Mother-In-Law does but that’s not the point of this post and I think everyone will get the idea. To get to the main point of this post: Husband and I took a vacation starting Dec 24th-Jan. 4th so that we could start on some renovations for our house and also because our 5 year wedding anniversary is Dec. 29th and we wanted to plan something fun for that. Every year my husband and I have a tradition to go visit my grandparents in PA on Christmas day, see my parents either on Christmas Eve or the day after Christmas, go visit husband’s real dad the following Saturday after Christmas (husband and his dad have a great relationship Dad just lives far away), then when everything settles down we plan on where to meet Mother-In-Law & step dad for a dinner out. This year was no different and we did exactly as described above. Mother-In-Law comes up to husband’s work on Tues. 22nd stating that she was having a party at her house on Christmas day and ask husband to consider coming over. Husband stated that he was unable to come over on Christmas day as we already had plans. Mother-In-Law seemingly understood and husband stated that he would talk to me and figure out a good day for all of us to meet for dinner. Fast forward to Dec. 28th and husband and I get home from dinner (leaving both cell phones at home) we go see if anyone has called/text and we are shocked at what we find. Several nasty text and 2 missed calls from MIL! Husband shows me the messages and we both start wondering how she got our new phone numbers. The messages said things like “ok so now I know what is really going on!”, “Husband you better call me now!”, “I can’t believe you won’t come see your only family on Christmas!” and so on. Husband immediately calls Mother-In-Law wondering how she got our numbers and what she wanted. Mother-In-Law answers the phone and starts degrading me saying nasty and harsh things (husband had her on speaker) blaming me for husband not coming over on Christmas day and started threatening my family. Husband of course stands up for me kindly explaining that we have the same plans every year on Christmas day and if the threats didn’t stop the conversation would end. Things escalade to Mother-In-Law getting nastier and nastier and husband getting more and more upset to where he nicely tries to end the conversation but Mother-In-Law isn’t having it. Finally husband has gotten to the point of total frustration and starts bringing up all past/current issues that Mother-In-Law has done/said of course Mother-In-Law denying all of it; bluntly giving Mother-In-Law all the reasons he doesn’t want to come to her house or have much interaction with her. Mother-In-Law hangs up on husband and husband being the kind man he is, tries multiple times to call her back to apologize. When she does answer it’s obvious she has gotten high and starts trying to start an argument again. Husband at his breaking point told her he will no longer see, talk to, or be around Mother-In-Law because of her behavior and drug use.
I am very thankful that my husband stood up for us and my family but here is where I need advice; I’m upset that husband may not ever have any sort of relationship with his mom and I know this situation hurts him. What can I do to help my husband through this and maybe in the future help restore a relationship between husband and his mom? I know my husband and I can’t change her behavior but maybe we could try and help her? I don’t know any advice is welcome and thank you for reading my long post 🙂
- This topic was modified 3 years, 10 months ago by kgb5318.