(Closed) MIL and guestlist

posted 4 years ago in Guests
  • poll: What should I do?

    Allow her to invite her relatives coming from overseas if she pays for them

    Stand our ground and keep it intimate the way we wanted

    Allow her to invite a small handful but not all of them, at our expense

  • Post # 2
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee

    Are you guys paying for everything? If so, she’s being ridiculous. You don’t get to spend other people’s money like that, let alone forcibly invite people that the host doesn’t even know. Since it sounds like she isn’t listening to you guys, can you get your future Father-In-Law to sit her down and get her to listen? Any SIL/BIL that can gang up on her too? Sometimes hearing the same thing from multiple sides can help get a point across.

    Post # 3
    Member
    1736 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    lemonslimes :  Are your FI’s parents paying for part of the wedding? Or are you two paying for everything?

    Post # 5
    Member
    7952 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    it’s ok to not reciprocate the invite.  we’ve been to wedding on both sides for 2nd, 3rd, etc cousins where there are 300ish people.

    they all didnt make the cut on our 120 person wedding.

    Post # 6
    Member
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    We had a similar situation, where my Future Mother-In-Law wanted to invite more people, some of her friends, and FIs cousins. Since she is contributing, she very generously said she would pay for any extra guests that she invites. 

    That’s the line that I would stick to, especially if you are paying for everything yourself. Your Future Mother-In-Law would have to accomodate. 

    Has your Fiance ever met these said distant relatives before? 

    Post # 8
    Member
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    lemonslimes :  Dude, I totally feel you on this. If they haven’t made an effort to see you (and I am presuming that they came from overseas in the past five years), then you shouldn’t feel like you need to invite them. The ones that Fiance has met, perhaps they should get an invite to keep the peace, but again, that’s a bit of a stretch. 

    Also, even if they end up coming, why do you need to be the one to pay for it? :/ 

    As a personal example, we are keeping our wedding quite small (50 guests). Future Mother-In-Law threw us a small tea party so we could meet some of her friends. We are also thinking of doing this with some of my mum’s cousins. An alternative would be to have a giant family reunion after the wedding, when you are newly-weds. 

    Post # 9
    Member
    3046 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2017 - Poppy Ridge Golf Course

    Stand your ground. She’s being incredibly unreasonable and rude. Money isn’t even the main issue so I don’t care if she does offer to pay for the extras. You’ve both decided you want an intimate wedding with those closest to you, case closed. I wouldn’t even continue discussing it with her further beyond, ‘Sorry you feel that way but this is what we’ve decided for our wedding and its not up for negotiation.’

    Post # 11
    Member
    1077 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    Just say no.

    Post # 12
    Member
    402 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2017

    View original reply
    lemonslimes :  Wow. So in all those years they have never made an effort? Jeez. 

    I would just put my foot down and say no, to be honest. Let her hold her own shindig for you guys if she wants to have that many extra people. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    3848 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    lemonslimes :   You and your Fiance are paying for the wedding.  You and your Fiance make the guest list.

    Do not let her influence you at all.  Just say no, and don’t explain any further.  

    You need to be a united front and not let her get her way – or there will be no end of trouble down the line.  

    Post # 14
    Member
    957 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: City, State

    View original reply
    lemonslimes :  are you Chinese also?

     I’m pretty sure Chinese citizens need visas to leave China, and to come to America, both from the Chinese and American governments, not that easy.

    It’s going to be hard for you to fight the culture. A wedding is a whole family thing.

    Post # 15
    Member
    878 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Say no.

    My Mother-In-Law wanted to do the same and the guilt was thick. They weren’t paying so we didn’t cave. Her solution: a party 2 weeks after the wedding, on their dime, for their family and friends.

    Since your cousin’s wedding is a month after yours and these extra folks are going to be invited, perhaps your Future Mother-In-Law can host a brunch or something.

    The topic ‘MIL and guestlist’ is closed to new replies.

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