(Closed) MIL and her long white dress

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would have your fiance talk to her I think (I would be upset, too, by the way, good luck!)

Post # 4
Member
2083 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

That is just a big no no… chances are, she probably knows this. I think everyone just knows that is not a good idea for a wedding. I’d have your Fiance talk to her too since it sounds like you are not confrontational… but make it clear to him that he needs to express what a big deal it is and that it won’t only be you, but your guests will also be wondering what in the world she is thinking.

Post # 5
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Wow.  You must have more self control than I do, cause I would have blown up if my Future Mother-In-Law pulled something like that.  Good for you for keeping your cool, but you should def have the Fiance talk to her about that.  I’m sure she knows that it would be totally inappropriate.  She’s clearly just trying to push your buttons.

Post # 6
Member
1465 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Have your fiance talk to her. If he still isn’t able to get through to her, then let it go since she’s only going out of her way to make herself look bad. There isn’t really anything you are able to do at this point without causing a deeper rift between you, even though none of this is your fault at all, despite what she may tell you.

Post # 7
Member
67 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I’d go ahead and just let her wear it. Most people know this is bad etiquette. Let her look like a jerk. Harsh, perhaps. But it’s your wedding day, no one is going to outshine you, no matter what they’re wearing.

Post # 8
Member
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I agree that BeesGees is right, she’s going to look like a major jerk in that dress and everyone is probably going to comment amongst themselves that it was in poor taste.  So if she wants to embarrass herself, let her!  She certainly will not outshine you, the bride.  Once the guests note how dumb she looks, they will move on and forget all about her, because the focal point of the whole day is you and Fiance.

However, if you really, really want to be the only one in white at your wedding, have your Fiance talk to her, especially given the nature of the relationship between you and Future Mother-In-Law.

Post # 9
Member
1897 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I”m with Blood and BeeGees!   This makes her look like a fool, not you!   Just wondering—is Future Mother-In-Law attractive?

Post # 10
Member
809 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Oh, I would be so pissed off! I kinda agree that if she wears it, she’s going to look like an idiot. I would still have my Fiance talk to her though. How inappropriate!

Post # 11
Member
832 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

omg! straight out of MONSTER-IN-LAW!

i told my mother, his mother, and my grandmothers….”NO white, offwhite, ivory, champagne, eggshell, or any other shade of any of those colors”

i would tell her, or have your Fiance tell her. that’s so inappropriate.

Post # 12
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d take the high road and let her look like an absolute idiot. I’d say to my Fiance that she probably doesn’t know that it’s in bad taste. He may say something to her but at least you didn’t start any trouble by complaining to him. She’s obviously doing it to ruffle your feathers. Don’t let it.

Post # 13
Member
14 posts
Newbee

This is going to be the first in a long line of passive aggressive moves your Future Mother-In-Law will make throughout your marriage.  It is up to your Fiance to set boundaries.  He’s made a choice, she needs to get behind the marriage, and not intefere.  You need your Fiance to stand up for you. 

In this specific case, he should explain that its inappropriate for anyone but the bride to wear white, and he would like her to change it.  He should also say that you had nothing to do with this request (because then you can play peacemaker and rise-above-it-all FDIL).  If she doesn’t change, then yes, fine, let her look like an arse. But, if he tries, he can get practice for all the other times she’s going to be a nightmere in the future.  All my sympathy and good luck!

Post # 14
Member
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

I would have your fiance casually mention that it’s regarded as poor taste to wear white to a wedding (which I’m pretty sure she already knows, but I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt), and then after that just let her wear it.  She’s the one who’ll look bad.

Post # 15
Member
49 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I agree with everyone else.  Have your fiance mention the whole “no one wears white to a wedding” thing, and then let her go from there.  Everyone in attendance will realize what she’s doing. 

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