MIL and SIL drama – wedding postponed

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5390 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

She will just have to suck it up. She cannot stop you from getting married. It seems like they will never be happy anyway so do what you like. You can’t always please everyone. Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I think your fiance really dropped the ball on this one. His mother and sister are being TOTALLY unreasonable, and he should have backed you up. After all, he was part of the original decision made, it wasn’t like you did it all on your own.

Bottom line is, you’re right, if you guys are committed to marriage, you should come first. I think you need to make sure he agrees with that before you marry him, otherwise you’re going to be having similar problems down the road.

Post # 5
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

First- Your FI needs to stand for you and your relationship.

Second- His sister needs to get over herself. 4 months before or after is more than enough time. The world doesn’t revolve around her.

But seriously, your FI and you really need to talk about this and get on the same page.

Post # 6
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Seriously??? you can’t plan anything in the same year???? That’s not high maintnence…it’s just CRAZY! I think 4 months before is more than enough time for you each to have your special day. Your mom is totally right, I mean if you have to wait an entire year, and she’s planning a baby, there’s not gurantee that she won’t throw a fit then either. It will probably be how she’s breast feeding and can’t come…or is ready to pop and can’t fit in a dress…or can’t find a baby sitter, she’ll have another reason…. You and FI should set your date for when you want it.  Remember your wedding is just as important as your FSIL’s and the world doesn’t revolve around her.

 

DO NOT postpone your wedding, you’re just going to be more upset, and that’s not healthy for your and FI’s relationship. Your FI should find a way to talk to his family and stand up for YOU.  If it comes down to it, you should nicely but firmly state what YOU want. Sometimes you need to be direct and honest, don’t let them push you around! 

 

No one can claim an entire year….REDICULOUS!

Post # 7
Member
2788 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

It sounds like your MIL and SIL have successful bullied him into making you change  your date; something I suspect he’s dealt with his whole life with them.  Like daughter like mother and that is not a compliment.

I would have a serious conversation with my fi and ask him if he really wants to wait a full year plus change before getting married.  If he doesn’t mind – and it was me – I would look for an apartment in the area.  Not to break up, but just to give yourself some distance and maybe let him reflect on what his inaction is doing to your relationship.

This sounds like a terrible situation and I really wish you the best.

Post # 8
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Well, it sounds like you’ve already postponed your wedding. I wish your FH would’ve stuck to his guns on this- your FSIL is a really crazy, self-centered person, and your FMIL is delusional for fighting for this so hard. I’m so sorry about your wedding day; I think you handled the situation with maturity and class. 

That being said, I don’t think what you’re asking for is validation of all of the above. You asked for how you can move on after the fact. I know you said you’ve tried talking to you FH about it but communication is the key. Try, try, try to have discussions about it. This type of thing (harboring ill feelings towards how he and his family hurt you) can have serious reprocussions in the future. If FH is unwilling, perhaps seek counseling. Men don’t like to talk about feelings and sh!t but it’s important for your FH to know how much he and his family hurt you so that he can work on that, so that you can have closure. How a couple communicates (& fights) is a true indication of what marriage will be like, so good luck with your discussion. I hope everything works out in the end; your wedding sounded like so much fun and a truly great way to celebrate the coming together of two people- I hope you get it, whenever your FSIL decides to stop being such a brat!

Post # 10
Member
382 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Ummmm, WHAT? I would do everything I could to sabotage the wedding in little ways, like wear white, take a big ole hunk of the cake before it’s been cut, knockover a couple of the centerpieces on accident, spill wine on her dress…. 😀

Post # 11
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

tell FI to get his thumb out of his mouth and throw the juice box in the trash!!!

not even kidding those broads need a swift kick in the butt!!!

 

Thats no fair why do you have to bend over backwards this is supposed to be the greatest time in your life thus far!!!

 

i say u hire a hit man to break SIL kneecaps (if any you follow my threads i swear im not violent i just enjoy using phrases like that along with kick them in the teeth)

 

but seriously i agree with the other ladies u need to have a sit down and establish a few things with your man

Do you love me? do you want to get married? marriage is a partnership T or F? and get on with it!

Post # 12
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

She gets a DAY, a DAY not a week, not a month, not a year. Tell your FI she’s being unreasonable and you’re already being extremely flexible by moving your date to after hers. You need to tell your FI he needs to stand up to them (seriously – what if you get pregnant before her?!)

Post # 13
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Have you heard any of this straight from your FMIL or SIL? Maybe it’s getting blown up in translation. I’ve read tons of brides on WB saying they don’t want their sisters/brothers/friends getting married around their date – but they get over it.  Maybe FMIL and FSIL said something when they were feeling tense and frustrated with wedding planning and your FI took it as a rule.  It doesn’t sound like you’ve talked at all with the actual women in this situation?  Maybe your FI said “great, it’s not a big deal” and they have no idea you’re upset by this.  I’d try to talk about it if possible, otherwise you’re really flaming them without giving them a chance to hear your feelings or to hear how serious they are about this.  Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
5671 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I have posted, maybe a little to much venting, on my relationship with my FMIL and FSILs so I totally understand where you are coming from. Just understand that you are never going to change them but some things do need to change with your FI. It is the two of you against the world and it will always be that way. You are his family now and he should put you first and he needs to explain that to his family. Sit down and decide between the two or you what you would like to do and when you would like to get married and stick to it. This is your wedding not theirs and he should have your back if you receive an backlash from your inlaws. Bottom line is that you two are entering into a partnership for the rest of your life, make sure he is with you and willing to support you during whatever turmoil life may throw you in the next 50+ years.

Post # 15
Member
4547 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would say you need to sit down with FI and have a serious talk. He needs to support you in these situations or else you’re headed for more difficult situations like this one in the future. You and he need to be able to stand up to these two women and say you’ve picked a date and that’s that. No one gets a freaking year for heaven’s sake. You get ONE DAY. If you planned your wedding for her day I could see her throwing a hissy fit, but 4 months before or after way more than enough time. It sounds like she didn’t want you to get married before she did so she dramaed it until you guys gave in and did what she wanted. I agree with your mother, set a date and that is that no matter who whines about it.

Post # 16
Member
79 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: February 2001

I think you really need to do what’s right for you and your fiance. Don’t listen to other people who scare you/put you down/make you feel bad for wanting to plan your wedding in the same year as your SIL. Your SIL needs to get over herself. She needs to realize that she’s not the only one getting married. It’s not always going to be about her. She needs to realize that you have your own wedding to prepare for and she needs to not interfere. 

For your Fiance, he should’ve backed you up 100%. He needs to realize this. No matter what, he should be supporting you, especially when it comes to in laws.

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