(Closed) MIL and SIL drama – wedding postponed

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 17
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I didn’t read all of that but you get ONE FREAKING DAY!  Not a week, not a month, not a season, and CERTAINLY NOT A FREAKIN’ YEAR.  You’re SIL is in her thirties, she should know better.

Post # 18
Member
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

WOW, your Fiance totally and completely dropped the ball on this! It sounds as if this all happened a while ago and your still hurt… and your fI isn’t understanding or “caring” about the situation.

1) Is HE ready to get married? 

2) If he’s not willing to talk about it I think you guys should see your pastor or a couples counselor.

3) Everyone above made good points. a) She gets ONE DAY. The end. b) Something will come up next year. c) Whoever said what if YOU get pregnant first was dead on.

I think you need to have a very serious talk with your Fiance, he’s supposed to be YOUR mate, partner, and almost spouse. i.e. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Doesn’t really sound like he’s ready to be a man yet…. 

Post # 19
Member
348 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

 I went through almost the same EXACT scenario with my FH family. Before we even got engaged we asked both of our families and all our friends if they would be up for a destination wedding to Jamaica, everyone was on board and really excited. We told people we were looking for March 2010 (this was 2008) and everyone agreed. We got engaged at Christmas 2008 and started planning for a Destination Wedding to Jamaica March 2010 just like everyone has agreed on. About 2 months into planning his mom and sister had a meltdown because March was too close to May and his sister was graduating from College in May. She was graduating with her Bachelors and then goign on towards her Masters. She freaked out, caused a major wave in the family and his mom said she refused to contribute and no one would show up because they all would be getting ready for her graduation (2 MONTHS AWAY!!). We postponed the wedding another year, so now its March 2011. His mother still isnt contributing and half his family wont show up anyway.

If I were to do it all over again. I would say “EFF his mom/sister” if they wanted to be there, they would be there. They have made every excuse known to man as to why they cant/wont come and I should have just did what we wanted to do and get married when we wanted to get married. There is always goign to be someone who has to put a dent in the plans.

Bottom line- do what YOU want to do. Screw everyone else.

Post # 20
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I agree with PPs. I worry that he might also be using his sister and mother as an excuse to postpone the wedding for HIS reasons that he hasn’t told you.

Post # 21
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

It sounds like you and your Fiance need to have a serious discussion about your relationship with each other and your relationship as a couple with your Future In-Laws.  Their behavior is both immature and ridiculous and the fact that he is not standing up for you is poor judgment on his part.

What is his usual relationship like with him?  Does he give in to them about everything or is it only this?  Is he upset about how they’re acting at all or just saying “well, this is how it is”?

I agree with other PPs that you need to get to the bottom of it and figure out if there’s anything he’s not telling you.  If there is, then you two as a couple need to address it.  If there is not, you both need to present a united front.  As others have said, you get a wedding DAY, not a wedding week, month, year, whatever.  One freakin’ day. 

 

Post # 22
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

the baby thing is exactly why Fiance and i decided to wait a full year before getting married. Future Sister-In-Law would have DIED if i had gotten prego before her, but not because its her right, because they had been trying for so long. We waited to “get engaged” (eventho i had the ring) until we found out they were pregnant.. then it was “our turn” to shine a little. i understand both sides.. kinda.. but the best thing you can do with in-laws is grin and bear it for the sake of your relationship and hope they dont cross any more lines.

Post # 23
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Wow, this seems really odd. I think you need to do 2 things. First, figure out the real reason your fiance is going along with his mom and sister’s lame excuses. You need to point blank ask him if he is ready and wants to get married. I really don’t think any sane man who really wanted to get married would go along with all this drama. There is no reason in the world why you can’t get married in the same year as your Future Sister-In-Law. They are acting insane and it’s very odd that your Fiance thinks that it is alright. Secondly, you should really stand up for yourself. If I were you, I would call you Future Sister-In-Law and ask her why she is so against you getting married 4 months after her. Maybe if you call her out on it, she will see how silly she is being. If you let it go on, I’m sure she’ll get mad that you want to get married the same year that she is going to have a baby. If that is the case, there is no way in hell I would stand up at or even go to her wedding. Your Fiance should also stand up for you as well. Otherwise you are looking at a lifetime of this.

Post # 24
Member
420 posts
Helper bee

Ugh. how annoying. I am in a somewhat similar situation.. not exactly but.. we tried to plan our wedding for Sept, the FIL’s couldn’t make it. So we planned it for April of 2011 so they would be there. Now the Future Sister-In-Law is pregnant and we have to change it to Feb!!! UGH-OMG, So annoying. BUT, the one thing I have learned is, while it is stressful for us, the brides, sacrificing non-stop for the FI’s family, it is 10x more stressful for my poor Fiance, to have to deal with these same issues and then the frustration of me. So for him, I am just shutting up. I am really starting to learn how stressful these things are on him. The only difference is that he keeps it inside. So whatever is easier for him… cause being stuck in a hard place, between his mother, sister and me, is not easy, and he is more important to me than the date of our wedding. So, TRY to think of it that way, instead of being angry with him. Just know, he is also NOT happy about it, he probably thinks exactly the same things you do about it, but he probably doesn’t wanna smack talk his family. And btw, these sacrifices just go to show how selfless you are and probably make him want to marry you even more. Grin and bare it. It will pay off in the long run!

Good luck! Hugs

Post # 25
Member
1037 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club

Dang…that is a little ridiculous! Like some others said, she gets a DAY, not a year…

Heck, I was the first of my friends to get married this year; but my Maid/Matron of Honor is getting married in October, and another Bridesmaid or Best Man is in April 2011, another friend in June 2011…that is how the world works…you get married when it is a good time for you! If there is a season that you want to get married in, a place, a time, etc…that is up to you two as a couple. I would listen to your mom and settle on a date with your fiance that suits the two of you. Don’t worry about what other people think. There is ALWAYS  going to be someone who has a problem with something that you do…in my opinion. It stinks, but its just the way it is. Try not to focus on that, and try to focus instead on the amazing wedding you are planning with your fiance!

Post # 26
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Have you actually sat down to try to have a calm discussion about this with your Fiance, or are you hoping he “guesses” what’s going on in your head?

And…are you really sure this is coming from the Mother-In-Law and SIL, and not him? Sounds like he might have a little cold feet. Could he be blowing things out of proportion?

I really think you need to sit and talk.

Post # 28
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Well, if your Future Mother-In-Law is saying that you are “ruining” her son’s life, it doesn’t matter when you are going to get married, she will ALWAYS have something to come up to postpone your wedding.  She’s probably hoping that if she makes your life miserable enough, you will give up and break up with her son. 

Also, were you counting on the Mother-In-Law for financial help with the wedding?  If she’s paying, you will be relinquishing a lot of control.  If you pay for the wedding yourself, I say plan what you want, WHEN you want.

Post # 30
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I just think that you need to go ahead with your plans and push the Mother-In-Law and SIL to the side.  I mean what is going to happen later in life, you can’t have a baby because the due date is too close to her birthday or something?  I would just accept that they are going to behave like this for the rest of their lives and know that there is nothing you can do to make them understand how hurtfull their actions are to you.  Fiance needs to understand that it is now time for him to leave their nest and that his mom and sister are not looking out for his interests.  Good luck and I would just go ahead and plan the coolest backyard BBQ ever and let them decide if they want to attend their son/ brother’s wedding.  Good luck and I’m glad your mom is helping you and being supportive!!!!!

Post # 31
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

YOu say your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t your biggest fan?  But is your relationship with Future Sister-In-Law better?  (I’m hoping because you are in the wedding.)

I think, unfortuantely, if you want it to get better, you need to be the bigger person.  YOu aren’t doing anything wrong. They are being self cetnered.  But I feel, in a way for the Future Sister-In-Law, because she feels like an old maid, and has been really putting all of her eggs into this wedding moment.  So I’m hoping this FSILzilla attitude is temporary insanity…… (hoping, hoping).  So as for her, I would try to suck it up for her wedding and be supportive.  But if this is typical behavior, and she always needs to be the center of attention, you’re probably going to have to figure a plan to just weather her poor attitude.  (Heaven forbid you have a child before her….)

I don’t know what to say about your Future Mother-In-Law.  I hope she eases up.  However, it sounds like she bullies her son around.   So that he seemed to make a decision without her, (uh hmmm…..that would be you)  she’s miffed.  It doens’t matter who you are.  She’s just TO.  THe more time your Fiance spends with you, and without them, should do him good.  Maybe one day he can say, if you want to visit, these are the parameters.  End of story.

Good luck.

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