(Closed) MIL and the Horrible, Awful, Wasteful Wedding.

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Everyone will have their opinions on wedding budgets but what it comes down to is what you are able to afford and are comfortable spending. If the cost of a large wedding stresses you then you and your Fiance should rethink what is most important and how to still have a great celebration without the large wedding.  I agree that your MIL’s idea is terrible, there are way better ways to have a wedding on a budget then to have your family and friends pay for their meal. It really isn’t her decision so I would just not talk to her about it anymore. As far as your Father-In-Law comments… that was years ago? Maybe he felt that way then and not now? A lot of couples have issues with in-laws. Of coarse it would be great if everyone meshed well but thats not always the case and it doesn’t doom a marriage as long as you and your husband support eachother and are on the same page and can set boundaries together with in laws if needed. 

Post # 4
Member
8584 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Yeah, absolutely not doomed, just the usual IL  stuff. As the pp said, just ignore/deflect the Future Father-In-Law input  . Laugh it off if poss .

And don’t ask Future Mother-In-Law about anything unless you really don’t care what she says . Go with the “yes that’s an interesting idea but  we have decided to… , or  I’ll think about that one ” etc etc

Post # 5
Member
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Don’t worry.. my Mother-In-Law had loads of ”useful suggestions” about our wedding too.. it’s normal 🙂 Thank them for the suggestion and do it your way 😉

Post # 6
Member
672 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Can you avoid her? Definitely no longer confide in her. You really do not need that type of comments about how wrong this is. Definitely do not be too accommodating with her, she doesn’t deserve it. 

Post # 8
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

I wish there was a happy medium, witth MILs. I don’t think mine had any questions or suggestions, or maybe my then FH knew better than to pass them along? She knew the date, time, and place for the wedding, and that was all. She’s the type of person that unless the attention will be focused on her, she almost ignores it. She didn’t even ask what the MOB or the grandmothers were wearing, and picked out a green and blue floral print, Oh well …

Post # 9
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

love031:  Keep holding your ground, she sounds so frustrating to deal with though. Unfortunately I can relate. I would advise you not to try to convince her your point of view on anything, she might never be convinced no matter how much you might do for her either, so keep that to a minimum.

2XMOB:  My Mother-In-Law was just the opposite, she asked about every little detail, but in SUCH a condescending way, plus when I answered her she would still go on about it, it was maddening. I wanted her to just pick out her dress and leave me alone about it, not to mention listen to and respect what I responded, don’t keep asking and arguing with me! lol

Post # 10
Member
4037 posts
Honey bee

lareolin:  That’s why we need a happy medium – between yours and mine, or mine and the OP. They seem to be at either extreme, instead.

Post # 11
Member
782 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

love031:  Meh, as far as I am concerned there will not always be butterflies & roses with everyone and their MIL’s.. I love my Mother-In-Law very dearly and she has been very good to me, but there are some things that she says or just some ideas that she has that are very different then what I am used to. She irritates the hell out of me sometimes, and sometimes I just have to roll my eyes about her “ideas/thoughts” Try and take everything she says to you with a grain of salt. Only you and your Fiance know what kind of wedding would work best for both families. <br /><br />As for the trying to come dress shopping, I can relate sorta! Mine made a comment that she wasn’t invited to my destination bachelorette party.. I am sorry but even if my own mom was alive, she wouldn’t have gotten the invite! Lol I just said sorry, and went on with my day and vented a teeny bit to my fiance! lol

I think the worst thing my Mother-In-Law said to me was when we were on a road trip together. We were discussing everything and anything and we got on the topic of my fiance. My mom passed away and was sick for a majority of my fiaance & I’s dating life.. So we have been through a lot together to say the least.. Anyways, she made a comment about how proud she is of her son that he stuck around and she is pretty sure most guys would have left me a long time ago .. That one felt like a slap in the face, and I still can’t understand how she could say that.. but I just chalked it up to one of those stupid things people say sometimes.

Post # 12
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

love031:  I think all of this is on my mind because a coworker told me that my marriage would be doomed since we have had these issues with the IL’s.

Ummm how about a big nope?!…..

Just out of curiousity, I’d love to know if that co-worker is happily married. lol that is such a dumb, overgeneralized thing for a person to say to you! It’s laughable, so don’t give it another thought. Obviously, everyone wants to get along with their inlaws, but if they happen to be crazy that doesn’t reflect the future of your marriage. 

 

Post # 14
Member
2713 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

In terms of the dress shopping, stick to your guns – but can you invite her to a fitting or something once you’ve picked it?  Does she have any daughters, because if she doesn’t I can kind of understanding her asking as she won’t get to do it with her own daughter.

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