Post # 1
Title says it all. This is my and my husband’s first pregnancy. We have been pretty cautious about telling people, out of fear of miscarriage and just wanting to keep our business private. I knew my MIL would be excited and she doesn’t have much of a filter, so we held off on telling her until the second trimester. We told my in-laws (and a couple other family members; husband’s gma and aunt) at a family get together last week. Less than 24 hours later, my MIL posted on facebook how excited they were to become grandparents (second time for her, first for my FIL) and naming us.
To be fair to her, I didn’t specifically ask her to keep the news private, but it didn’t occur to me that she would post it on facebook. I figured she’d call some of her friends and family. I’m okay with her calling. I am NOT okay that she put it on facebook. I wanted to be able to tell family members in person, since we have two other family get-togethers later this month. It is MY pregnancy and my news to share. This isn’t her first grandchild. I think it is really tacky that so many family members found out on facebook. Neither my husband nor I have put anything on facebook about the pregnancy, and I’m really upset that it is now out there for all to see.
So, what can I do now? Cat is out of the bag. There’d be no point asking my MIL to take it down, since tons of people have already seen it and commented on it. (And started commenting on my wall about it.) I’m pretty darn temped to say things like “yeah, I really wanted to be able to tell you in person, but too late for that” when I see family members later this month…..but it would just stir up family drama. I don’t know how to address this with my MIL, because I’m sure she won’t see anything wrong with what she did. Advice?
Post # 2
I have no advice, because like you said, what’s done is done. However, this is also one of the reasons we have zero family on Facebook. Too much drama can stem from it 🙁
Post # 3
i would ask mil in the future not to post anything on facebook until she see’s it on your page first
Post # 4
LLEU: I think it’s too late to do anything. I certainly wouldn’t respond with passive aggressive or dramatic comments. When you see your MIL, you or better yet your husband, could politely let her know that you were a little disappointed that she shared the info on FB, because you were hoping to be able to personally tell people. And, let this be a lesson learned, in the future specifically tell her that you do not want her sharing things on social media before you say it is alright….otherwise, I guarantee in a few months, she’ll be sharing pictures of your baby, before you get a chance to! When I got engaged, I specifically told my mom she could tell whomever she wanted, but I DID NOT want anything on FB.
Post # 5
LLEU: As you said what is done is done. Sadly, this is yet another issue with social media, and people’s posting habits. Obviously, because she was told not too, she thought she could, even though common sense for some people is to wait until the parents announce it first. Regardless, she clearly did not do it to make you mad, or hurt you, but because she is absolutely over-the-moon excited for this baby, and wanted all of her ‘friends’ to know 🙂
From here, I would have your husband (because it is his mother) let her know that you were BOTH taken aback, and a little hurt to read this pretty private info (so far) on such a public forum. That you know she is excited, but that there are still intimate people in your lives you wanted to tell face-to-face. And so, in the future, please always ask first before posting milestones, etc. Gentle, but to the point.
As you see the others you wanted to tell face-to-face, apologize that they found out the way the did, because that was not your intention, and move on with your pregnancy!! I think a lot of people will understand 🙂
Post # 6
- Wedding: September 2014 - SPRING VALLEY COUNTRY CLUB
Facebook is becoming the route of all evil, I swear it is. First, I’d be pretty upset about it honestly. And while it may be too late to undo the damage done by the posting, I’d still ask her to remove it. Just because it is a huge violation.
I am sure she meant no harm in sharing the news. She was probably just so excited she had to share. Which is very sweet. But if the Facebook post bothers at all, you have the right to ask her to remove it.
Post # 7
I think you should bring it up to her, but maybe you don’t need to say it sarcastically–I guess what I’m saying is to avoid that drama, don’t say it with attitude. You are entitled to let her know you weren’t expecting her to post it on facebook and that you are upset about this. It wasn’t her information to share. I think you should just say something like in the future, you hope she won’t post private aspects of your life on her facebook. If you don’t tell her this who knows what she’ll be posting on facebook once the baby is born. I think you just need to reiterate that you appreciate your privacy, especially when it comes to facebook, and ask her to refrain from disclosing details about our pregnancy, child, family, etc.
Post # 8
LLEU: She probably thought since you were so far along, and also didn’t say anything to her about keeping it private that she could put it on FB. People don’t think twice about stuff like that anymore. She probably thought it was fine especially cause you told a large group of people at once.
That being said, while it is annoying, there is no point in saying smart comments as you will likely hurt her feelings. If this was so important to you you should have told her not to tell anyone.
I would just say for NEXT time, just to ask her to keep stuff off facebook. ( Like for instance if you find out gender say ” Hey MIL, the baby is a girl- but please do not post on FB) Now that you know how she will react you can be proactive.
Post # 9
I would ask her to remove the post, even though people have seen it, it’ll stop anyone else who hasn’t seen it yet.
I would ask your husband to talk to her to let her know that was not ok, or like othe PP said, it’ll happen again. You don’t need to be passive aggressive, but you can be honest.
Tell your family there was a mis-communication with H side of the family and you’re sorry they found out via FB because you wanted to tell them in person.
Post # 10
In the future, be clear with her about what is Facebook acceptable.
Post # 11
First of all, congratulations!
Second – that must be so frustrating! I think your husband should quietly address this issue with her, just to make sure that you don’t end up in a similar scenario in the future.
Post # 12
LLEU: It’s done and over with now. You have every right to be upset, but social media and this “instant” world we live in is really a detriment to us all. My sister (who is a teenager) announced my engagement on FB before I’d even called my mom. I was ticked, especially because I DID say not to put it out there. At the end of the day you just have to move on becaue there isn’t really any way to change it. You’ll just remember for the future that you need to be explicit about not posting your personal stuff on FB.
Post # 13
LLEU: nothing you can do other then maybe sending a personal email/or call anyone you feel should have been told by you and saying….”I truely didnt want you to find out like that, I know MIL was excited but she posted that without our permission…we figured it would be obvious that we would like to inform people but I guess that wasnt the case. In the excitement we forgot to tell her it wasnt public knowledge yet”
Post # 14
I am sure she figured that you had already told your own family. I would never tell my in-laws before my own family, even if I informed my family by phone. And you didn’t tell her not to post it; she is likely happy and excited for you. You would have a right to be upset if you had asked her not to say anything, or if you had told her that it was still a surprise for your family, but how could she have known that without you telling her? I am not on social media, but realistically, the news of a new baby is big and exciting for a grandparent. Next time, you know who to tell and what to specify when you do tell them.
Post # 15
I feel your pain. I know it isn’t the same with regards to social media, but my own dad did this to me! My husband was being chivalrous and asked my father’s permission to propose to me on our upcoming trip to Italy. He swore him to secrecy. The last day in Italy he finally popped the question, and I was SO excited to tell everyone. I called both my sisters and they said “congratulations” as soon as they picked up the phone. I tried to tell my mom, but she knew too. EVERYONE freakin already knew I was getting engaged before I did and no one was surprised or had any reaction at all. Apparently, my dad told my one sister, who cried when he told her… I never got to see or hear that reaction. Then that sister told my other sister and things just spread from there. I will never get over not being able to be the one to tell the people who mean the most of me the biggest news of my life. At least you got to tell most of your immediate family yourself before she spilled the beans :/