(Closed) MIL asked me for advice re: her widowed SO. Help!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
is_a_belle:  this is such a hard situation. does he wear his ring or his wife’s ring? I think if he wore the ring on his right hand as a sign of rememberance that would be OK for me. If it’s not ok for your mil she is just going to have to tell him it makes her feel a little incomfortable. It’s hard as she passed, he didn’t decide to not be in love with her anymore, you know. I don’t think anyone knows how they will react to this until it happens. Your aunt was very rude though!

Post # 4
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think that’s a good compromise. I hope it turns out for her. Must be hard.

Post # 5
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
is_a_belle:   Many years ago I dated a man who was a widower.   He wore his wedding band and I thought it was a lovely gesture of remembrance.   

Personally I’d let him wear the ring(s) as long as he wants to.   I’m sorry your aunt caused your Mother-In-Law to question his feelings.  He sounds like a fine and devoted man.  

Post # 6
Member
1585 posts
Bumble bee

Hmm. That’s tough. Maybe instead of approaching him about the ring instead she should ask him about their relationship and where he sees it going. Does he want to remarry? I’d start there and then work the ring issue in under that. 

Post # 7
Member
700 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

View original reply
is_a_belle:  I have habits that I don’t even notice sometimes.  Maybe wearing the ring is the same for him.  It might not have as much meaning as your aunties are suggesting.

That being said, after two years, your Mother-In-Law has every right to ask him about why he is wearing it. And she also has the right to say that it’s making her uncomfortable if it is.  

Personally, I think all of these sentimental feelings with rings give way too much power and meaning to inanimate objects.

Post # 8
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Such a tough one. I think that Mother-In-Law has every right to ask a gentle question and voice her feelings. He also has every right to continue to wear that ring, and will have to decide if it is more important to honor his late wife’s memory in that particular way, or to not make your Mother-In-Law uncomfortable. 

I might try something like this: “BF, when we were at our family gathering a few people asked my why you still wear your wedding band since we’ve been together for so long. While it’s not any of their business, and I told them so, I realized I didn’t have an answer to that and it made me feel a little uncomfortable. I always want you to honor X’s memory, just as I honor Y’s, but I was wondering if we could talk about how you honor her now that we’re two years into our relationship.” 

Post # 9
Member
1304 posts
Bumble bee

 

Rings become comfort items. I would keep the conversation on how he deals with his grief and is he happy now.

Fwiw, my dad can’t get his ring off his hand anymore so it might just be a practicality thing.

And tell your Mother-In-Law to ignore nasty aunts. That is so cruel to corner someone and make unfound judgement 

Post # 10
Member
2455 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it would be fair of her to bring it up and possibly come up with a compromise. I think it would be fair to say that she understands that he is mourning and honoring his wife’s memory, but that she has been getting side eye because people think she is with a married man.  

Post # 11
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

Yes I think the advice here is to ignore the nasty Aunty unless she has other concerns. Being with a widow is going to bring its own baggage, you know, that’s just going to come with the territory. He will likely never “get over” his wife and always hold a special place in his heart for her. But your Mother-In-Law is the one who’s here. If they love each other here and now that’s all that matters.

Post # 12
Member
343 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2022 - City, State

I’m widowed and still wear the wedding ring that I received from my late husband. My fiance is very cool with it and even told me that if I wanted to continue to wear it after we get married I can use it as my wedding ring or as part of a stack withthe wedding ring he will give me. My wedding ring is a Jabel rose and green gold thin band that loooks like a band of long stemmed roses, and my engagement ring is a custom David Klass that was modeled after the Luttle Mermaid enegaement ring that Disney only sells in Japan….they look great together and many people think I have a Little Mermaid/Beauty and the Beast theme going…lol. I may wear it as a spacer because my wedding ring from Fiance is a bent fork…no joke, I had David make me a fork ring to match my engagement ring…you know, the dinglehopper… 

I told everyone I dated after my late husband died that I was going to continue to wear my ring, and, if they didn’t like it then they knew where the door was..never had anyone complain. However, if it really bothers your mom that much she needs to talk to her SO aboujt it and try to come to a compromise, like other posters said either switch the ring to his right hand or wear it on a chain. However, if he refuses it doesn’t mean that he loves your mom any less.

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by  wifetobee63.

The topic ‘MIL asked me for advice re: her widowed SO. Help!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors