Post # 1
My Mother-In-Law and SIL are hosting a shower for me mid-February. They know I’m not fond of showers (I declined a bridal shower), but I gave into their wishes for a baby shower knowing it would mean a lot to them. Although they have never discussed the guest list with me, I think it will be mostly be their family members since my friends and family live long-distance. They mentioned a couple family members who are invited that I have only met once (at our wedding). While it is nice to include them, I feel like these two aunts are getting invited to another gift-giving event…they are not family members my husband and I ever visit with since he is not close with that side of the family (his parents are divorced).
Also, my Mother-In-Law is also planning to send invites out the first week of January – 7 weeks in advance of the shower, which seems too soon after the holidays to me. Do I have any right to say anything about these issues, or should I just keep my mouth shut?
Post # 3
@GirlNextDoor: I wouldn’t say anything. They’re doing something nice to honor you and baby. I think baby showers are just as important to honor mom as they are for grandma to gather her friends/family to celebrate with her as well.
7 weeks is fine for invites – my shower invites went out about 6 weeks in advance. Also, it’s up to them what family members they invite. Even if you don’t know them or see them often, sometimes there are obligatory invites if you know what I mean. My Mother-In-Law threw me a wedding and now a baby shower (within a year of each other) and I only knew about half the people there. People enjoy celebrating happy events like this, and if they don’t they don’t have to attend.
Just relax and have fun!
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
They are hosting a party, which means they get to decide the guest list and the date for mailing invitations. There really is nothing you can or should say here. Just attend, be gracious, and enjoy yourself.
Post # 5
I think you’re worrying way too much about a shower they are throwing. Let them do what they want to do. If they want to send shower invites early that’s up to them.
Post # 6
My advice is to step out of their planning and just show up and enjoy the shower. I think we put a lot of emphsis on ourselves not being “gift grabby” that we ignor the other half of the gift giving equasion- Someone wants to give us something to make our lives easier.
Post # 7
I wouldn’t say anything but “thank you.” I think that when you get to be our parents’ age, you have a different view of being invited to baby showers/wedding showers. Instead of an obligation where you’re all, *sigh* now I have to go buy a Diaper Genie and waste a Saturday afternoon, I think that our parents and their contemporaries really enjoy the socializing as well as the chance to help a young couple out with the things they need as they start their lives as a married couple/parents.
I felt super awkward about my mom inviting her co-workers and friends to my bridal shower, but she was like, “Listen, I go to their kids’ showers, too, and I look forward to them. It’s always a fun time catching up with friends or family members, there’s always good food and who doesn’t like an excuse to buy adorable baby things?”
And I could be wrong, but in the end, all the mostly-strangers at my shower looked like they were having a great time! Just make sure to thank everyone who comes both in person and with a prompt thank you note, and enjoy your shower.
Post # 8
@GirlNextDoor: I’m the crazy party planner in my family and it’s really hard for me to even think about other people throwing me showers that I will have virtually no say in, so I feel for you! Don’t worry about it, though. 7 weeks is a prefectly acceptable time to send out invites and people expect to go to showers and give gifts. They will either happily attend or choose not to– no need for you to stress about it.
Post # 9
I WISH my shower invites went out 7 weeks in advance. I’d rather have my guest have too much notice (if there is such a thing) rather than not enough. My shower is January 18th and I still don’t believe the invites have gone out yet AND we have out of town guest coming. If I were you just let them have their fun. Besides, you didn’t want a shower to begin with so no use stressing over it.
Post # 10
Thanks Bees – I greatly appreciate all of your wonderful advice and perspective. It helps to know that other generations may have a different perspective on showers too…so thank you for providing comfort and reassurance. I think I need to get over my discomfort with the shower, and just put your advice into practice by being a gracious guest of honor. Many thanks!
Post # 11
@GirlNextDoor: I know, it can be hard to accept things like a shower. Part of me is already dreading a shower and we haven’t even gotten a BFP. (I love the idea in theory after being shaken down for multiple shower, bachelorette, wedding gifts this year, but I know I will not like it at all when it actually happens.).
I think the other ladies are right. It might make you uncofortable to have those aunts invited, but if your Mother-In-Law and SIL host a part and don’t invite them, it could start WWIII for them. Haha, after all, anyone who has been through a wedding knows what a mess invites can be with hurt feelings and such.
Just relax, smile, and try to enjoy the ride. If someone wants to give you something, awesome! Say thanks! If not, they won’t come, no harm no foul.
Post # 12
I’d just go with the flow. My Mother-In-Law is throwing me a baby shower too and It’s sooo hard for me not to try to involve myself.. so hard. But they are doing something kind for us, and it’s a reflecting of them maybe even more than of us so just let them do what they will. 🙂