(Closed) MIL being pushy with baby names

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 31
1252 posts
Bumble bee

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tate062715 :  


It sounds horrible but I’m kinda glad I don’t have Mother-In-Law to deal with……

Nope, you’re kids and it’s your choice. She is budding where she shouldnt.

Post # 32
425 posts
Helper bee

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tate062715 :  This sounds so frustrating, but I’m glad your DH is setting boundaries and you are on the same page. Naming your baby is in your and your DH’s hands only. You’ll be the parents and naming your children should be completely up to you.

I’d say something like, “Thanks for the suggestion.” Then change the subject. If she tries to come back to it, tell her that you really don’t want to talk about that and change the subject.

Definitely don’t tell your Mother-In-Law your future baby’s name before they are born and the name has been finalized. It doesn’t sound like she would be able to control herself if the name wasn’t what she wanted it to be, which is unfortunate, so save yourselves the headache!

Post # 33
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015 - Southern Plantation House

My grandparents are like this. My mom has told me that when she was pregnant with my brother, they were insistent that she name him “John Doe III”, as my dad is the second. They did not use the name and it STILL gets brought up around the Thanksgiving table that my brother should be the third. My brother is now 20.

OP, I would have a gentle but firm conversation with her that you will be naming your children, just as she did with hers, with zero pressure from any person outside of you & your DH. My mom never had that conversation with my grandma, and I think it is a big reason of why it still gets mentioned. 

Post # 34
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yea DH is a III and there’s no way (doubt we’re having kids anyway) that I would name a son IV. Nope.

Seems like people get more and more irritated if you don’t do that when it gets up to III, IV, V, etc because it’s gone on for so long lol

Post # 35
1299 posts
Bumble bee

Set boundaries now. First it’s the names, then it will be how you choose to feed your baby, then it will be your childcare situation, etc, etc, etc. If she thinks she has a say in any aspect of your parenting she’ll take a mile. I’ve seen it. Shut it down now. Just tell her that your parenting choices are yours and yours alone, and you don’t need her input. Say it more than once. Say it loudly. If she continues, leave, or ask her to leave. 

I’m not kidding. This seems like a small thing but it could get much, much worse.

Post # 36
600 posts
Busy bee

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LilliV :  This is exactly what we did, we didn’t tell anyone our potential baby names until after LO was born. I saw how opinionated they were about our wedding, I wanted to avoid it for baby names 🙂

Post # 37
1549 posts
Bumble bee

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beebee1983 :  you are so on the money. You can’t predict the future, but we’ve cut Mother-In-Law out of our lives completely because we failed to shut down what seemed like non issues at the time. 

It’s so stupid. You’re not even TTC. Get DH to tell her that when the time comes, you will be naming your children what you want. And stick to it. 

Post # 38
2521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would just ignore her.   It is none of her business.  

Names are hard because everyone has their opinion and you can never please everyone.  I’m pregnant with our first now and although we know what we would name our baby if it is a girl and have it narrowed down to 2 names for a boy… we aren’t telling anybody!!  People have already asked and we have had to dodge them away, and I think people will only ask more once we know the sex in a month.  Once it is on the birth certificate everyone can know then they will just have to deal with it whether they like it or not.  We are hoping they will be too mesmorized by the baby to care about name anymore and learn to love the name because they love the child.  

I feel like my inlaws might have opinions too (all the names are from my side of the family since we are using his last name- don’t think my Mother-In-Law will like that, plus all the names are rather uncommon babynames, which I can picture her making snippy remarks at… maybe she will surprise me though)… but they already got the chance to name 2 children of their own (and my SIL has a first name I had never heard of).  Now it is my turn- I’m carrying the child and will be raising the child with my husband, so we get to choose the names and are the only opinions that matter.

I would just shrug her off and tell her TTC is probably years down the road.  Hopefully she’ll let it rest.  

Post # 39
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ignore, her. That is not HER decision to make. YOU are the parent, and YOU call the shots when it comes to YOUR child.

Post # 40
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

ask her if her Mother-In-Law named her children or if her and her husband did.

at this point i would just smile and nod, maybe even say ok, we’ll take that into consideration to shut her up.  you saying ok, sure isn’t a binding contract.  then do what you want when the baby comes.

Post # 41
105 posts
Blushing bee

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tate062715 :  Some cultures have very strict expectations regarding name. My friend dated a guy for 7 years who has Greek parents, she was told (yes told by his parents) early on her first son’s name. She doesn’t love it but it was sort of conditional, she’s accepted their culture and the tradition that goes along w it. I mean, almost like marrying into a very conservative Jewish family, you kinda know you’ll have to convert. So if it’s an ethnic or religious thing, I’d be more sympathetic to your Mother-In-Law. However, if your Husband doesn’t agree with this expectation, don’t worry and just let him be the bad guy when the naming time comes. I think my concern if I was you would be: is your DH shutting the convo down bc he doesn’t agree & has no intention of using those names OR is he shutting it down bc he doesn’t want to discuss it until you are preg? Might be worth it to be really clear w him now if you are totally against the names. 

Post # 42
4097 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I think that this is a subject that is always going to bring out unwanted opinions of people. DH and I have chosen our baby names. They are not everyone’s cup of tea, but they were names that have a significant amount of meaning to us and they’re pretty much set. (If we have a second boy or a second girl someday in the future, that’s a different story.) Our friends and family know this and have known it for years. Even though DH and I have only openly discussed with our closest peeps about a year and a half ago that we were trying, it’s been somewhat public knowledge what we wanted to name our first son. I’ve had the name picked out since I was five. We solidified our girl name last year and it’s a name DH has loved for years.

Even though our names are pretty much set–We still have people who try and push us towards something else. Just the other day, my mom was like, “You know what name I heard and loved? Cordelia. Name your daughter Cordelia!” and I said that I liked the name (it had actually been on my list), but that we already had a name. She said she didn’t really care for our girl name. I said I appreciated her opinion, but it was a non-negotiable thing. She dropped it and hasn’t brought it up since. 

Going forward, take one of two routes. Either smile and say, “Sure thing!” each time she brings it up or look her dead in the eye and say, “Listen, Betty, this shint ‘ain’t gonna happen. Drop it.” If she finds it highly disrespectful, she should have named HER children this name, but I would remind her that she had free reign of her children’s names and you would appreciate her respect towards your hypothetical children. 

Post # 43
1036 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

Some people have strong traditions about naming their children after other adults. But if your husband and yourself don’t want to name your children after other people you don’t have to.

When you decide to get pregnant, I strongly recommend not telling anyone the child’s name until birth. It will help keep drama away and you can stick with the “we’re not telling anyone” line.

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