MIL being really difficult/advice on possible mental health

posted 1 year ago in Engagement
Post # 31
10670 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

tigercub2590 :  

Afew things to unpack here. Her husband is ‘manic depressive’.  That is now called Bipolar Disorder. Important—is he on meds?   Bipolar can be treated very effectively with meds and therapy. We are now up to over 50 medications for the treatment of Bipolar Disorder. Thus, it’s almost a given that the right med or combo and the right dosing can be established. Though, it can require some trial and error.

I’m willing to give her a bit of a pass on the pain injections. Do you know what was injected? The injections don’t work for everyone. It’s a matter of placing the right drug in exactly the right spot. It often fails.

Is she getting her pain meds from her primary or a pain management doctor? A good pain management practitioner would likely kick the wobbly crutches out from under her. There are many ways, other than high risk substances, to manage chronic pain. The pain pills are more likely than not, exacerbating her depression. A little detox could be a very good thing here. Your husband may wish to discuss this with her primary. I am concerned that she’s just being placated with pain meds.  Do you know if her dose has ever been increased?

She’s been on the drugs 18 now 18 months but the GPS/specialists don’t seem concerned, but it’s hard when the’ve never seen her before.

Wait. What? Doctors are prescribing powerful pain meds to a patient that they have never seen?! Please tell me I read that wrong.

Your Mother-In-Law probably does get some type of secondary gain out of her multiple ailments.  Expect that to ratchet up as people begin to pull away. The real purpose all of these physical complaints serve, and make no mistake, they are real, is to act as a defense mechanism. As long as she can focus on her physical pain, she can dodge dealing with her own crap, of which there could be plenty. She’s keeping whatever traumas she has experienced at bay by putting as much energy as she can muster into her physical pains. She has a lot invested in keeping that balloon aloft.

And again, there is precious little you can do. She could be helped with the right treatment, but she will never be the sweet, accepting, loving Mother-In-Law you need her to be. She will be a dreadful grandma.  Visits will have to be closely supervised.

Not fair, but, few things in this life are.

I would be interested, if your hubby can gather the intell without too much risk, in knowing the doseages of each of her meds.

Therapy for your long suffering husband is certainly in order.  It’s going to be hard for him to begin the process of separation.

Traumatic bonds are actually harder to break than healthy ones, as Dr Patrick J Carnes explains in The Betrayal Bond. Think Stockholm Syndrome.

Read up on detachment, in the spiritual sense. You and hubby have the choice to let go, move on, and create your own family.

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