(Closed) MIL Boundary Issues

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2009 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wow.

 

Post # 4
Member
1715 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

She sounds like a little puppy. We have issues like this as well (my Mother-In-Law pulled my dress off my back to see my full back tattoo without permision knowing I need space). Ive often dropped off Darling Husband at his moms and then ran an eran and came in 15 mintues later when she was calm or distracted or even gone into the house with an armload of things so she cant hug me like crazy.

Post # 6
Member
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Kari 2012:  I don’t think you’re being mean but maybe overreacting a bit?  I guess it’s different for everyone though.  My Mother-In-Law does the same thing and frankly I don’t really like it… but it’s like 10 seconds of hugs, 2 minutes of **crazy (borderline annoying) excitement**, then it’s over.  So for me, not a battle I would pick.  I like naturalysam’s suggestion of being MIA until she calms down.  If it really bothers you and crosses a line, then speak up again.  “MIL – I hope I’m not offending you, but it makes me very uncomfortable when you make a big fuss over me.  Can I ask that you don’t do that going forward?”  Maybe your husband can have a chat with her too?

Post # 7
Member
777 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Ask your Darling Husband to have a talk with her. If you try to win this battle yourself, chances are she will only dig in her heels or else you will hurt her feelings and she’ll think you don’t like her. Your Darling Husband needs to do everything he can to get across to her that you find lots of hugging and physical contact stressful and uncomfortable and that it’s making you not want to visit as often and she needs to back off.

Post # 9
Member
2781 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It could be worse, she could absolutely hate you. Be happy that she actually likes you and wants to express that, while you may not be a touchy feely person, others are.

Post # 10
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

@Kari 2012:  LOL! I’m sorry for your frustration, but I have to chuckle at PP descriptions of her puppy-like behavior. I have a good friend who married into a very touchy-feely family, and she’s NOT the type to hug when greeting someone or saying goodbye. It took her SEVEN YEARS of marriage before she finally admitted to her in-laws that she didn’t want to be hugged or kissed on the cheek for greetings. She said she’s glad she waited that long, since by the time she said anything, they considered her a daughter and their feelings weren’t too hurt by it. But sheesh – I don’t know if I could put up with something I hated for 7 years!

Post # 11
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I don’t have any advice, but I sympathize. Since getting pregnant, my Mother-In-Law has crossed my comfort zone with touching. She touches/grabs/rubs my belly without asking, talks to the baby with her lips right on my stomach (uh, Darling Husband doesn’t even do that!!), & kissed my stomach on our last visit. One time she was so excited she gave me the most spastic hug, it was like she was humping me. Darling Husband mentioned how wierd that was to her.  It’s totally her personality & I find it Freakin’ Wierd! But I don’t see her that often so I let it go. If I saw her more often, I’d probably hide too or else, just offer a handshake when she goes in for the hug.

Post # 12
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@Tiffmorris:  hmm I don’t know if I agree – is it ok for the Mother-In-Law to be touchy feely but not for OP to not be?  I think that it isn’t ok to do something you don’t like because someone else likes it.  I’m not sure it’s ok that her Mother-In-Law gets to do it just because she’s “like that” when OP clearly isn’t and is totally uncomfortable.  

Some people aren’t huggy people, some people really hate it.  They shouldn’t have to do it just because someone else loves to get out of control and grope and hug people.  If it was a quick hug or kiss on the cheek I’d say suck it up because it’s a 1 second thing and it’s not worth risking a big deal about, but if it’s a big todo everytime and it makes OP feel awkward or upset I think it’s ok for her to ask her to cool it.

Post # 13
Member
114 posts
Blushing bee

I’d be honest and tell her you are uncomfortable with all the hugging.  If you can, tell her you care for her and ask her to understand your need for personal space.  She may feel that you would be slighted if she treated you different from her other family members.  Ask for her help and understanding.  It sounds like she cares for you, and I hope she will support your need for space.  Best wishes.

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