Post # 1
My husband was on a 3 way call with her and his brother. Minutes after they hung up he got a text from her with a picture of her face saying “I love and miss you”. Just to be funny, I took his phone and started typing out “love you ma” and right before I hit send she texted “I bet you won’t even respond to this. Pathetic” and then I sent what I wrote. I know that text wasn’t meant for me but I felt like I got punched in the face >.<
She’s such a mean, mean person. It’s times like these where I want to just screen-cap or record the terrible things she says so I can put it up on Facebook along with when she called my husband “disgusting”. I would never do that, but I hate how she loves to call herself a great mom and a saint because she was a single mom and didn’t have good parents as role models. It’s still not an excuse for being flat-out mean and unpleasant. And it feels like all of her friends and family enable her.
My husband said at this point he barely cares anymore how his mom talks to him. I said something like “I know you love her but” and he interrupted and said “honestly, I don’t know if I even love her.” The issues he has with her mom are numerous and complex and one of the reasons he is distant from her is because she does not understand boundaries. A lot of the time she’ll treat my husband and my BIL, especially my BIL like a boyfriend. As in when BIL was 13 she took him as her date to an adults only party where there was alcohol. And she has talked to my husband about too many personal things from details of her sex life with his dad and her boyfriend. She also tried to get us to stay at her hotel the night of our wedding and my mom wanted to visit us the day after the wedding and relatives convinced them to lay off.
On the other side of things, my mom flat-out told my husband over the weekend that she is planning on taking me on vacation, just the two of us, and that it will be better than anything I’ve done with him. What the heck?????? Ugh.
Here is what I want to ask though…should I lay down the law with the moms or just ignore when they are petty?
Post # 3
@tmsing: You and your husband need to set boundries with his mom and your mom. Rules should be applyed such as the following
1. your mom or his mom dont bash you or your husband
2. When it comes to family vachations or any other events you both must be invited.
these first two rules would help.
Post # 4
What in the world…? How did you end up with BOTH your moms treating you two this way? It makes me think that the two of you are WAY too nice and need to set boundaries before it affects your relationship. Maybe the two of you should see a counselor who will help you learn how to deal with people like this and make sure your relationship stays strong throughout? I don’t think there’s anything wrong w/ your rel, I’m just trying to think of the future when all this outside crap starts taking its toll on you two.
Post # 5
@tmsing: Lay down the law now with your mother. He should do the same with his.
Your mother’s comment was immature and petty, not to mention making her seem absolutely ridiculous. I’m pretty severe about my boundaries, so if my mother pulled a stunt like that I’d have flat out told her I’d no longer be going anywhere with her.
Post # 6
@futuremrsk18: I don’t know what it is with MIL, I think that I often end up pitying her but her behavior gets old. Both are moms always try to make everything about themselves and they always think they’re the ones getting victimized.
I need to stop running on guilt, I think my husband has and I think he’s been pretty strong in laying down boundaries…he’s had to ask both our moms before to stop being mean whether or not other people are around. Whenever Christmas or birthdays or Mothers Day come up I try really hard to make sure they feel loved and appreciated because both of our moms feel like they’re alone in the world…but the reason for this is because they’re both so abrasive. If you get them a great gift without a card it’s like you didn’t get them a gift at all and they get so upset and “depressed” over it, but I can’t remember the last time my mom’s given me a birthday or christmas card. And God forbid you don’t write something poetic and thoughtful in the card. Neither of them gave us gifts or cards for our college graduations or wedding either. Neither of us would care but they have a double standard about it.
My husband and I have both noticed that when we both act like our moms towards them i.e. yell or demand something, they respond more to it. But I really don’t want to be that kind of person.
Post # 7
@stuckinwonderland: +1 this on the boundaries. Sorry OP that sounds Awful with a capital A!