(Closed) MIL Doesn’t Want to Invite Anyone to Shower

posted 8 years ago in Parties
Post # 3
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You know typically, female relatives and close family friends are invited to the shower, especially if they live in the same town! It gives them the chance to met the Bride before the Big Day!

Post # 4
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I thought the same…invited to the wedding, invited to the shower. Have you tried telling her how you feel about it?

Post # 5
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

You should have their addresses from the guest list…I would invite them anyway.  If they are her “best friends” they would like a chance to meet you and welcome you to their lives.

Post # 6
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I think you’re right.  They should be invited.  In fact, they might feel slighted if they get an invite to the wedding and not the shower.  Maybe your Future Mother-In-Law isn’t aware of the etiquette either, it might be worth another convo about it.

Post # 7
Member
2398 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Perhaps she’s trying to be considerate of your BMs, who are presumably paying for the shower.  She might also feel awkward asking people with whom she is not close to come to a party for someone they don’t know bearing gifts.  I can see why she might worry that it would look a bit grasping.

Post # 8
Member
5762 posts
Bee Keeper

Not necessarily. Usually only close family and friends are invited. I excluded a lot of the women who are being invited to the wedding,as many are wives of some friends or girlfriends of some nephews.

Post # 10
Member
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

My Mother-In-Law did this to me and Fiance and I decided that we would invite them ourselves then. She didn’t want to put people on the spot because she just had her daughter’s wedding. We figure if they don’t come, they don’t come but we didn’t want people who are very close to the family and Fiance to think we decided not to invite them to the shower.

Post # 11
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

There are no hard and fast rules about shower invites. Some etiquette guides will tell you to invite the groom’s mom and close relatives only, others say all relatives. The shower is supposed to be about the bride and bride’s family, so usually FMIL’s friends would not be invited. Some people still invite all female wedding guests, but that doesn’t seem to be common (from my personal research/experience). 

So it sounds like you and Future Mother-In-Law are coming from different traditions – neither of you is wrong per se. I can definitely understand why you are upset though. Maybe explain to her that you are throwing a big shower for all female wedding guests and see if there’s any reason she would be against having them there. 

Final note – she might not want to appear gift-grabby to her friends. Again, if big showers are NOT the norm in their circle, maybe you should respect FMIL’s wish. 

Post # 12
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I would respect her wishes and not be offended. It is likely that she is basing her decision on what events of her friends she was invited to. Maybe she attended all their kids weddings but never their kid’s showers.

Post # 13
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

By the way, I just looked through a ton of websites while figuring out guest list for my own shower, and none of them said that all the local female guests have to be invited. Here are some links I found helpful. 

http://wedding.theknot.com/bridesmaids-mother-of-the-bride/bridal-shower-ideas/articles/bridal-shower-invite-etiquette.aspx

http://weddings.ivillage.com/etiquette/bridalshowers/0,,1kw6,00.html

http://weddings.about.com/od/theweddingparty/a/showerbasics.htm

Post # 14
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

On the plus side, at least your Future Mother-In-Law is coming to the shower…mine isn’t.  Like @mnmgirl08 & @roxy821, I’m for inviting them anyway…you’ve got their addresses & it’s your party…go for it!

Post # 15
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

On the plus side, at least your Future Mother-In-Law is coming to the shower…mine isn’t.  Like @mnmgirl08 & @roxy821, I’m for inviting them anyway…you’ve got their addresses & it’s your party…go for it!

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