Post # 1
My Mil has caused a few problems in this wedding already…I’m sure this is a familiar subject!
!st of all we have been engaged for over 2 1/2 years..long story short about the money issue- We planned on having a 90 guest reception however she had a guest list that was worth about 3k and she aggreed to pay for them. Ok sure fine no problem! well same with the father in law…so now i have a signed contract for dble the wedding costs.
We booked August on 09, she said she would give us the money June of 2010. In feb of 2010 I called to remind her that the payment was due in june and was she still prepared and she says (get this) that she never told me june, and was snotty about financial issues she is having (regaurding her trip to the dominican which was canceled due to some storm) and she would give us the money in feb of 2011. i was upset but what could i do, shes giving us the money 4 months before the wedding when the payment was due in june….whatever
lil extra slap in the face is that her and her husband take expensive vacations every 2 months. (no money from fil either and he is in atlantic city literally every other weekend)
No this brings us to our more recent tiff with her. We didn;t ask her to host our rehersal dinner but she offered. (whatever) he and her husband frequent a local italian restaurant that happens to be their favorite. We knew they wanted to have it there. We don’t like that place at all and my fiance asked to be kept in the loop with the venue and menu selection.
He also expressed to her that we didn’t care for this particular restaurant at all. (i’ts awful) well she went ahead and booked it, chose the menu and put a deposit without ever discussing it with my fiance at all. He’s a little upset, i mean we have had crappy service, gross food there not to mention a roach that crawled across the floor one time and the hair we found in our food a couple times, why would we want to subject our guests to that!?!?!
Now i’m thinking of giving her the money for her deposit and booking our dinner and paying for it ourselves. thanking her anyway but she kinda did all this without us and told US that we didnt really have a CHOICE where it is held…I cannot take this woman. Thoughts??
Post # 3
Maybe you should thank her for being thoughtful enough to arrange the rehearsal dinner but explain that you and your Fiance have different tastes and you’d rather have it somewhere else.
I also think that you should sit down with your Fiance and have a serious talk about how you’d handle the event where she doesn’t even give you the wedding money in Feb. Could you afford it on your own?
Post # 4
@shaunna: We have budgeted as if we weren’t getting ANY contributions. So would it be helpful YES but if she doesnt come up with the money before the invites before the invites go out then I am going to let my fiance chose who he wants to invite and we will prob cut her list in half. I guess the way the rehersal dinner stands as of now is she is going to call and she if she could get her depoist back, which she probably cannot-then we plan on reimbursing her for her deposit (hopefully its only $100 or so) and we will have our own dinner which we will pay for. Same thing with his father, my fiance asked him when he planned on giving us the money as well and he responded with :as soon as I get it I will give it to you”..my fi said thats not a good enough answer im sorry but you insisted on contributing (cant be outdown by his ex-wife) and you have all known about this for 2 1/2 years! so we will do the same with him, cut down his guest list as well. This is why weddings are so stressful! We wanted to do this on our own, the due dates have come and gone so we have paid out of our pockets for their portions and are now basically waiting to get paid back. It’s rediculous!
Post # 5
I suggest giving them a deadline for when you need to have the money, or their guestlists will be cut since you will have to assume the money won’t be coming and will then be rearranging the affair. Let them know calmly (in person) that this is what will be happening. Sounds like you and your Fiance are on the same page here, but it’s crucial that you establish what the arrangement will be with him and stick to it.
Post # 6
Unfortunately I think that once you accepted her offer and did not put the condition beforehand (that you would not accept that place), it would be really bad now to give her the money back and look for something else. As in, really really bad.
Also, even though she’s a difficult woman, she’s still your Fiance mother! I don’t think the issue is worth the risk of alienating her… Try to accept it and make sure all your guests know you had no say in the restaurant choice 😉
Post # 7
@Lexsy: We didn’t accept her offer we just entertained the idea to let her feel more included. We made it pretty clear that we would take care of everything. If we did fully accept her offer then yes you would be totally correct!
we pretty much gave them a deadline of mid febuary, our invites will be going out late feb. She said 1st week of feb..OH YES I later found out that what she did back in feb of 2010 was take 50K YES 50K and put it in a cd for one year in order to pay for the wedding with the interest! I think she could have just said that in the 1st place!
Post # 8
Oooo that’s a tough one. On the one hand, someone who is willing to pay for your rehersal dinner is very helpful especially as she’s flaking out on so many other financial obligations. On the other hand, a cockroach? Seriously?
I would express to her your concern about the venue “Oh Molly, it’s just that my Uncle Jim from the HEALTH DEPARTMENT is going to be so uncomfortable given their roach problem…we woudl LOVE to eat there if it were just the four of us….” and hope she changes her mind to avoid embarassment. Otherwise, I think you may need to suck it up and make sure you wash your hands thoroughly and maybe don’t eat anything beacuse food poisoning the day of your wedding is nto what you’re looking for!
Post # 9
@Beansy: hahahahahahahahahahhahaahahhahaah well said fellow bee well said
Post # 10
We are 5 weeks from our wedding and let me fill you in on what has happened since this thread started.
2 days before her contribution was due in feb, she started a HUGE fight with me and my fh. A while back her husband who neither of us care for at all asked if he could take our 2 y/o daughter by themselves all day and didnt invite us, my son, or his wife (my mil)
We just thought it was weird and innapropriate. WHile relaying the message back to my mil she told her husband we said it was unsafe. we never used the word unsafe.
A huge argument insued where she sated she hated me, i was manipulative and not right for him and not only would she not be giving us the money she would not be attending the wedding. We decide to send her and her whole side invites anyway, being the bigger ppl.
She declined after talking it over with her “pator” and her husband and simply cant accept the way we feel about her husband.
2 weeks ago a woman fitting the description of the sound of her voice called into my reception venue and tried to cancel my wedding saying “this is the mother of the bride” no name given. Julie is too upset to call you and so on..
2 days after that- a man called into my apartment building to report my fiance is living with me off the lease. I am now forced to find a new rent and a job…5 weeks before my wedding.
after doing some investigating (im very close with the managment office and the ppl who own my wedding venue) caller id states the call to my venue came from my mil’s workplace and the call to the office came from their home.
Post # 11
wow the nerve some people have! at this point id say if she declined its probably for the best simply because you dont want to be stressed out the day of your wedding. dont let her ruin your day! good luck