(Closed) MIL driving me nuts re: baby

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

You’re not being a brat! I would be reacting the same way. This is going to sound terrible, but when I receive gifts I’m not going to use and that will just sit around, I leave them at the gifter’s house on “accident.” If It wasn’t important enough for me to remember to take it it makes them think twice about it IMO. 

Post # 4
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

As a knitter, you would be on my “not knitworthy” list. Think about it this way, in the future, will your kids be happy to have a beautiful blanket or clothing made by their grandma? My mom has saved a lot of the baby stuff she made us for our kids. To me, that’s an heirloom and a meaningful gift. On my wedding day, we took apart the stitches from my christening bonnet and pinned to my bouquet. It was a meaningful gift, not at all practical when I was just born. But it took on a lot of meaning on my wedding day and the day before when my mom unstitched it and cried as we did it. Not all shower gifts have to be practical, they can be heartwarming especially when your child grows up and passes it down to their kids regardless of color. Also, I just finished a beautiful minty green blanket requested by an expecting friend.

Post # 5
Member
1835 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@brox:I’d agree that one or two nice hand made gifts are absolutely wonderful to receive. However, when every single item she NEEDS is being brushed off and replaced by hand-knit things that will go into storage until the child is an adult…it’s hurtful. It really feels like a slap in the face. “What does your kid need a changing pad for when I can make it a Christmas stocking?” Sorry, I’m just not seeing it.

Like I said, hand made christmas stockings are awesome! (I still have mine from when my grandmother made it for me as a baby) but would it kill the OP’s Mother-In-Law to buy her something she really needs?

Post # 6
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Cna you maybe suggest one or two things that she can make for you and then say that is enough and let her go on her way? 

There are tons of cute stuff for babies that you can make yourself:

  • Pacifier Clips
  • Hair bows (if its a girl)
  • Blankets (knitted or sewn)
  • Clothing (a bit harder)
  • Hooded towels

Maybe pick a few things and go pick the colors/materials to help show her being team green isn’t so hard. 

Anyways, I do get your frustrations that you NEED stuff on your registry.  Blankets are cute, but you need a carset and diapers, etc.  We are also team green because we don’t want tons of cutsie blue/pink stuff.  We want to stick to the gear that we need that will be able to be used for future babies.

Post # 7
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

I’m not trying to be rude here, but honestly what is the deal with everyones sense of entitlement about baby showers, weddings, and everything else?  Why not just buy the things you and your husband need yourself instead of getting angry that people aren’t buying what you want?  I’m not trying to call you a brat, I understand the frustration, but I guess I don’t understand why you would make such a big deal out of how she choses to spend her own money.

I agree about the entire she won’t call you directly thing though. My mother does that to my husband and it absolutely drives him insane.  However, do you thinks he doesn’t call you because you seem less than enthused about the nice things she’s trying to do?

I’d just stop the frustration now by making plans to purchase what you need yourself and be thankful about the gifts you do receive for your LO during your shower, Homemade or not.

Post # 8
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@nskillet: Not trying to threadjack, but it is hard when you really want certain items and then someone goes out and buys something useless. 

For example, at our wedding, a cousin gave us a cross knit (or something) frame with a house and our names under it.  We got three different frames with our new name in it and the whole cross knit thing isn’t really my style.  To be honest, I appreciated the gift and the thought and time that went into it however, I threw it away and kept the frame.  There was no reason for it be dusty on a shelf for 20 years. 

Post # 10
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think you’re being a brat. I know some people think it’s crappy to want the things on a registry over home-made or other miscellaneous items – but why give something that is of no use to the recipient? It’s one thing to receive home-made items that you need and have asked for (bedding, receiving blankets, bibs etc) it’s another to get a random knitted hat for a summer baby because someone just wanted to make one.

I 100% would rather NOT have someone go thru the time and expense of throwing me ANY sort of shower if I was just going to end up with a bunch of stuff I didn’t need or can’t use for 12 mos. It’s just something else to store at that point.

Plus it’s frustrating to know that people spent time or money on something because they didn’t worry about your needs and you still don’t actually have the things you need to care for your baby.

Sorry, but when I give a gift I always think about the person receiving it, otherwise, what’s the point? My grandpa once gave my grandma a basketball for her birthday because he wanted to buy one – I’m sure no one told her to “just be grateful” because what was she going to do with a basketball?

Post # 11
Member
5110 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2011

Your not being a brat!! I would just call her if I were you.. Your man obviously isnt getting this across, so your up to bat now. If you dont want to be more frustrated later I would be totally up front and honest now.. then if she throws all you say to the wind then be mad.. but dont stress now..

a tip for you.. when we had our baby shower, my mom organized it all and said to OUR family.. not his lol ok the kids (my Fiance and I) really need to get the most out of this shower as they can, so she said if you cant afford an item go in on it with people and she assigned people to certain gifts with others so we got everything we needed and nobody had to pay more than 20 or so dollars but we had a huge shower maybe close to 65 people.

My mother is very direct if you cant tell. Some people arent like that and dont like taking that approch.(its viewed as rude.. naturally) but just a thought.

Post # 12
Member
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@Miss Sapphire: This distinction b/t useful/nonuseful helps a lot. In the case that they are cutesy, difficult-to-take-care-of tchotchkes, I totally see someone in my fam doing this and it already annoys me–even in theory. You can’t force her to buy off your registry, but you don’t have to give in to her “I wanna make a blue elephant kleenex box cover!!!” either. I wonder if your Darling Husband could drive a compromise in that she could look at the registry and make an item that’s already on the registry. I mean if there’s something that could be feasibly replicated by hand on there, of course, like clothes…

Post # 13
Member
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Haha I LOVE the Mother-In-Law stories! They crack me up. Ide say just let her do her thing. Most people get alot on their registry anyway. I would say tell her green and yellow will be the theme but maybe you dont want her to know that so she will be forced to buy an item off your registry.  Although it would be nice to get a big item off it from Mother-In-Law. It is what it is. Good luck! Tell your Hubby to tell her you want somethign off the registry!

Post # 14
Member
311 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

As a person that crochet’s, I understand why she wants to make you things.  I always make afghans for my friends when they are pregnant, but I also buy items off of their registry, too.  Even if I can only buy a can of formula or a few small items, it’s still something that they need.  I hate giving them just an afghan, while it is special, it isn’t as useful as most of the registry items are.  Can you suggest to her that she try to do both?  Even if she gets something small, it’s still something. 

Post # 15
Member
1493 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Miss Sapphire: I knit all of my baby blankets/items in machine washable yarns aka indestructable acrylic. I wouldn’t knit anything for a baby in cashmere or a wool/cashmere blend. Most knitters wouldn’t want to drop $50 on yarn/blanket that’s going to be destroyed by a baby and their fluids.

Post # 16
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

guess I’m of the unpopular opinion again, what ever happened to being a  gracious receiver; that’s why gifts are called gifts, it is given, can you just receive it with a smile and be grateful?

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