(Closed) MIL "edited" our guest list

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
1394 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2015 - Chapel on Base

Rude and wrong.  If she is paying for the reception then let her invite whoever she wants to pay for.  

Post # 3
6908 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

Who’s paying?

Post # 5
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

guestlistwoes:  When I’ve brought it up he’s accused me of trying to make him chose between us and me trying to pin him against his mom. 

First, I have to say this made me giggle, picturing you shoving him and his mother against each other, (I think you meant “turn him against his mother.”)  

 But seriously, tell her if she can’t make cuts to the guestlist, you’ll do the cutting.  Then do it.

Post # 6
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

guestlistwoes:  “When I’ve brought it up he’s accused me of trying to make him chose between us and me trying to pin him against his mom.

There’s your problem. The problem is not your MIL. The problem is your fiance. All these things only happen because your fiance allows it.

I suggest you have a big talk to him about who is the #1 woman in his life: you or her.

Post # 7
5180 posts
Bee Keeper

aussiemum1248:  this 100+

guestlistwoes:  what aussiemom said.  You need to see who your fiancé is marrying here.  Is he marrying you or his mother?  The wife never makes her man choose between his mother and his wife, it is in fact the man who does so.  A husband and wife need to realize this: by marrying they are choosing their spouse to be their number 1. and their parents become their number 2.  At least I believe this.

Post # 8
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

guestlistwoes:  Not to be mean, but it sounds like you’re easy to walk over.

Stop allowing this woman to rule your wedding. Stop telling her about the plans. If she tries to invite herself, just be polite: “Thanks but we’ve got this covered!” or “Thanks for the suggestions. We’ll think about it.”

And yes, your FI needs to make a choice. 

Post # 10
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Just leave her out of the loop on everything that’s not related to what she’s financially contributing to.  She invited herself to come to your venue visits? Learn from it and next time you visit a vendor just don’t tell her where and when you’re going. Whether it’s you or your FI including her, it just doesn’t need to happen to this extent. I get that some people are closer to their families than others, but she doesnt need to be informed of every possible wedding decision in order to be included. If she doesn’t know what step of planning you’re on, she can’t possibly force her way into the decision-making. 

Post # 11
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2015

My FMIL added two couples onto her guest list when she sent the addresses to me. I texted her and asked  about them and her reply was “Oh well they should’ve been on there all along.” I kind of was annoyed, but let it go.

My FI ended up asking her to remove a couple anyway because it would push us over the guestlist number.

Post # 12
722 posts
Busy bee

Ususally, you agree on a guest list among the hosts before choosing a venue.  Yes, if your MIL is paying 30%, then she has every right to send you her guest list.  If you had this information upfront, then you wouldn’t have a venue capacity problem.

Your MIL is a co-host, she therefore has a voice. 

Post # 13
2725 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I agree – the real problem here is the one you have with your FI, not your FMIL. She could invite herself to all of your wedding planning activities, send you 5,00 emails with impositions veiled as suggestions, have her own opinion about everything, including the guest list….but your FI could say:

“mom, I’m with  guestlistwoes: on this one, it’ll be in a water park.”

“Mom, we will be deciding that part of our wedding.”

” Whatever guestlistwoes says is what I’ll support.”

Etc. Instead your FI accuses you of trying to put him against his mother and all. That REEKS of immaturity on your FI’s part.

Post # 14
7990 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Text or email her and say “I’m sorry but we can only allow X number of guests. Can you please edit your list down?” If she cries about it, cut people yourself. And stop the info train.

Post # 15
5 posts


I am having some of the same issues myself.  She suggests things that I don’t like and when I disagree, she turns her nose up at me.  Her family is full of a bunch of drunks and has no intentions of addressing the problem so as to not embarrass us in front of my own family at our wedding.  She got very upset when we decided to increase the guest list to accommodate some far extended family that is very dear to me and to be able to invite a few of my fiancee’s friends and didn’t immediately let her know. 

My advice- stop talking to her about all things wedding. Change the guest list back to the original list you had and cut those people and then some off her guest list.

Being nice hasn’t gotten me far, but annoyed and exhausted so I decided to not include her any longer.  I felt like I was being gracious when discussing a few things to make her feel included, but she is not my mother and she is not my wedding planner, therefore I don’t need her “help”.

Hope this helps!

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