(Closed) MIL Favortism

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1039 posts
Bumble bee

norsequeen90 :  I’m sorry, but you need to stop trying so hard. Stop being a doormat to your Mother-In-Law. She doesn’t have the same respect for you that you do for her, and is favoring your Brother-In-Law GIRLFRIEND over you, her daughter in law. 

 

Post # 3
Member
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

Shoot4theMoon :  agreed.

norsequeen90 :  sounds like you yearn for a mother figure, and are vulnerable in this area, as you mentioned. I know it hurts because you thought you had a good relationship with her, but now you see her true colors. Either she is very shallow (due to looks), or her and the girlfriend click better and she’s leaving you in the dust. Either way, you should not keep being a doormat to her because she doesn’t value you in the same way as you value her. Now that you know her character you should refrain from having that relationship with her and keep it more business.

Post # 4
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

Don’t ever invest more in a relationship than the other person is prepared to. If Mother-In-Law isn’t meeting you half way it’s time to spend your time and money on people who do. 

Post # 5
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

norsequeen90 :  Is Brother-In-Law the favoured son? I wonder if this is more about Brother-In-Law (trying to help him keep his gf).

Post # 6
Member
11464 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

Why would you even want her approval now? She’s got crappy values and sorry to say, she sounds like she’s trying to buy her son a show dog with all of these gifts to the Girlfriend. 

I know it sucks and it’s not what you wanted, but this woman isn’t a good mother figure. 

Post # 7
Member
2765 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Yeah…if you’re gonna look for a “spiritual mother” figure…find a GOOD mother figure. Like a kind, accepting, loving and giving one – not your Mother-In-Law.

Let this one go Bee, your Future Sister-In-Law can have her and they can fawn over each other gloriously. Meanwhile you can realize that she is not YOUR mother so eff that. 

And yes, I agree with PPs that because you yearn for a maternal figure you’re vulnerable and have fallen prey to her antics here, but like I said, find a better spiritual mother that’ll help you grow and heal your heart instead of creating more hurt. 

Post # 8
Member
9006 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

norsequeen90 :  

What a shame  OP, how painful it must be . But, and you know it, not a lot you can do .  As pps have said, either your Mother-In-Law is a bit shallow or she just genuinely prefers BIL’s gf to you –  which is hard to take esp as she has been a mother figure in the past.

Don’t give the gf your washer and dryer will you ? No need at all esp if Mother-In-Law says there are new ones going to be bought .  If that’s so how come she didn’t just buy them for BIL  and gf? Give them yours and I can see you having to buy new ones in a couple of weeks when no new ones are forthcoming from Mother-In-Law. Regard it as your first  action in your  non-doormat campaign!

Post # 9
Member
3169 posts
Sugar bee

MrsHarryDresden :  I agree. And I just wanted to add Bee that I know it’s not the same, I don’t have my Mum either, but you can nurture yourself like a mother. You can put yourself first, and be kind and protective and loving of yourself the way a mother figure would. And in doing this you would realise this woman is not worthy of the time and attention you have been paying her. 

Post # 10
Member
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

When going no contact with my mother, I had to accept that I am motherless and that’s okay. My Mother-In-Law is nice in many ways but difficult in many ways. I know I have her full support in marrying her son but I do not think I will ever feel as an actual daughter. We just don’t have that connection I guess that some people find with their MILs. There are definitely certain aspects that reinforce a less inclusive atmosphere for me at times and makes me feel always somewhat on the outside looking in. 

I think you just have to accept the situation for what it is and set your expectations lower for what you can expect from your Mother-In-Law. Likewise, keep your boundaries. Just because she wants to do things for his gf doesn’t mean your way of living is sacrificed too. Lastly, stop bending over backwards to please…live your life and work on finding things that make you feel whole without other’s influences. I’m learning to just be the female figure I need for myself. Good luck!

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