Post # 1
I think the answer is yes, we have to, but I’m curious if it’s unanimous. We are making a trip soon to see his parents. After we booked the tickets for the visit, I find out his mom wants to talk about my ideas for the party for thr 50th. (Read: His parents want us to throw them a party.) So in a few months we have to fly back again cross country and probably pay for a party too. I’m not actually asking if I should do this becuase I know YES we will end up doing it, just kinda curious if everyone would do this too? Not even the paying part, but the flying in for the annivesary part.
Post # 4
Can you change the dates on your existing tickets? If you have to go back there is just a few months, it might be an idea. You will likely have a change fee but will still likely save $$$.
Post # 5
My train of thought is if I would do it for my parents then I would do it for his parents.
Post # 6
I would go. A lot of marriages don’t survive 50 years, and they are your partner’s parents! I would be less thrilled about being pushed into planning the party for them, but I’m not quite sure to what degree of planning they’re expecting.
Post # 7
For a 50th for our parents? Absolutely, yes. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime milestone. For a non-milestone anniversary? Eh, maybe not.
Post # 8
Yep. We did it for my grandparents, not even a question if we’d be there.
Post # 10
Go, yes. Pay for it? Only if I get to control the budget and vendors.
Post # 11
I would go, but I wouldn’t throw the party. If they want a party, they can pay for it themselves. If they really are insinuating that they expect you to pay then I find that incredibly rude.
Post # 12
Thanks everyone! I just needed some perspective. I grew up without a big family, my parents divorced and their parents died young and I’ve never celerbrated or even heard of a big celebration for fam wedding anni before. We’re definltey going, I was just curious how common that is.
Great idea to change the ticket however when go back for the party but it’s not a good time with work so then we can just get way for a long weekened…not enough time really to see all DH’s family. Plus there’s an aunt visiting from overseas during the first visit and MIL/FIL would be too sad if we bowed out. I think i just wished before we had planned this trip that we knew we’d be going back so soon.
And yes I think the bigger issue for me is paying for a party on top of the 1K we’ll spend on flights. They’re broke and they have this old world sense that we should be supporting them financially… whole ‘nother topic.
So everyone who has been to this kind of party califlorican:
and anyone else —how elaborate does it need to be? We had a celebration dinner for his dad’s 80th (we payed for that too) that was just a dinner in a nice restaurant, but we only invited immediate family and one couple. For this it should a bigger soiree with all their friends? Is it rude or impossible to have it the sort of dinner everyone chips in for themself?
Post # 13
Well, if you are offering to throw it than it can be whatever you want it to be. Dinner, small reception, etc. But you and your partner need to decide on a budget and stick to it – don’t let his parents commandeer things. They can pay for it themselves if they want to invite 100 people or have a super fancy dinner. I would decided beforehand what you are prepared to offer and than let them know – “Mom, Dad, we’d be happy to host you and 10 of your friends for dinner for your 50th” for example.
Post # 14
Both my grandparent’s 50th and my aunt and uncles 45th (aunt has cancer and we are unsure if she will make it to 50/be able to party at 50) We had more of an open house vibe to the proceedings. Invited all the family, had lighter catered food (not full meal) and they did a vow renewal/mass (Catholics)
The ettiqute on hosting a party is pretty clear that you shouldn’t have people chip in for dinner, but I’m sure you can find a lower cost than a nice resteraunt.
Post # 15
Fly back, yes. Plan a party you did not OFFER to plan? Hell no. I’d be like “That’s so exciting and I’m happy to help out.” and that’s that.
I wouldn’t be okay with my own mother doing that and not asking me. It’s pretty disrespectful.