(Closed) MIL/ FIL's 50th Wedding Anniversary…Would you fly across the country?

posted 4 years ago in Married Life
  • poll: Would you fly across the country on a holiday weekend ($$$) to celebrate your in-laws 50th?

    Yes, def

    No, just send a nice gift

    Play it by ear but not commit

  • Post # 16
    Member
    816 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Flying back / absolutely without question unless you have financial or health hardships. The planning part is odd it if you must you guys throw the party you can afford which includes a nice home gathering event.

    Post # 17
    Member
    3610 posts
    Sugar bee

    I would fly back for the actual anniversary, but would not be flying back a couple months later to throw a party that your Mother-In-Law instructed you to plan. Why can’t they have a party around the date of the actual anniversary when you’ll be in town? Bonus points if your DH’s aunt from overseas will be there too. And why can’t your Mother-In-Law, or someone who doesn’t live across the country, or someone who actually volunteered to plan the event, host it? Sometimes if you want your loved ones to be able to attend a milestone celebration, you have to take their finances and schedules into account when planning it. I absolutely would change the date of a celebration for my parents, brother, and kids (once I have them) to be able to attend.

    Post # 18
    Member
    1011 posts
    Bumble bee

    My mom and her siblings had planned on throwing their parents one, and then my grandpa died about a month before . I don’t think my grandparents told them to throw it, but they were having it at the church, and basically making it into the wedding reception they had never had (my grandparents married during WW2, so nothing fancy). 

    Maybe they really want one, but dont’ want to host it themselves because they’re afraid it seems rude (after all, from so many posts I’ve seen about what is rude/not rude on here, I could imagine). Generally the protocol for those things are having someone throw it for you rather than you doing it yourself (kind of like a shower… you wouldn’t throw that for yourself… or an engagment party… I’ve seen posts about both and the OPs got slaughtered for asking). 

    And yes, I would. But like a PP said, see if maybe you could change your plans for now until the party so you aren’t going twice. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    3610 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    futuremrsc2016:  I thought about this for a minute too (is it rude to host your own anniversary party), but I don’t think it is. If it’s not considered rude to host your own wedding, it wouldn’t make sense for it to be rude for you to host your own anniversary party. I do think it would be better, if you’re hosting your own party, to request people not to give gifts.

    Post # 21
    Member
    3610 posts
    Sugar bee

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  Oh, that makes sense. In that case, I agree with PPs’ advice to cancel the first scheduled trip and fly back for the actual anniversary instead. And don’t give into pressure to plan a party for them from across the country if it’s not good for you in terms of finances. I see what you’re saying about your Future Mother-In-Law not being the most reasonable person, but people shouldn’t expect their loved ones to suffer financially in order to throw them a party. Maybe it would be more palatable to her if your DH breaks the news instead of you. Sorry you’re in this situation. 🙁

    Post # 22
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  

     

    The party for my grandparents was basically like a wedding reception feel. We all dressed up, there was a bar and dinner and cake for everyone. It was about 100 people. You definitely don’t have to do it that way though! I would do a dinner for them and rent out a room at a restaurant. Invite 15 or so…however, if they ASKED for a bigger party…I would expect them to pay. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    7322 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    A 50th anniverwsary is a big deal and worthy of celebration. Asking you to pay for the party is another matter. You can keep it as simple as cake and punch or a full dinner. Some friends of mine recently threw an anniversary for her parents and even replicated their wedding cake! Keep it within whatever limits you and your DH are comfortable with.

    Post # 25
    Member
    1124 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  

    Haha oh yeah, I would think they’d understand that! My dad and his 2 sisters also split the cost, so that made it easier for sure. Do whatever you can afford to do!

    Post # 26
    Member
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  i would totally! but after you already flew there to visit? i myself would try to pospone my current trip and save it for the “50th” party.

    Post # 27
    Member
    5874 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Yeah, that would be a must attend in my world. 

    If my Mother-In-Law asked me to help throw the party I’d feel obligated but wouldn’t be thrilled.  That said…same rules apply as to weddings!  If you are paying you get to call the shots.  Money comes with strings attached.  If she just wants to dictate things and then have you foot the bill she can pound sand.

    Post # 28
    Member
    652 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2018

    View original reply
    vintagekitten:  I love 50th wedding aniversaries!  Better than weddings and they make me cry.  The idea of being a wedding crasher sounds lame but a 50th aniverary crasher?  Hell yeah count me in!  One of my fondest memories is my Grandpa looking at my Grandma like a lovesick puppy on his 50th, even though she had alzheimer’s and could barely tell what was going on.  The most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

    Post # 29
    Member
    1318 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2015

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    vintagekitten:  We would do it for my parents and would do it for his if we were on better terms. 50 is a big deal.

    Post # 30
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    How much time is In Between them? Is it close enough to move up the party to your first trip? And I would just do a nice dinner somewhere, it’s defiantly a big deal but you can get dressed up and go to a fancy dinner and that would be fun! My grandparents are low key and we just had a big bbq for their 50th. Their 60th is this year and we are doing the same. They like everyone “together” they don’t care where. lol 

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 1 month ago by  tcw87.

    The topic ‘MIL/ FIL's 50th Wedding Anniversary…Would you fly across the country?’ is closed to new replies.

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